About My IF

When I was a very, very little girl – and that is a true understatement – I had a stuffed pink puppy. In my mind the puppy was bigger than I was. My mother says I weighed only fifteen pounds at two years old. That is the same size as my little black dog now.

I have memories of riding this little pink stuffy like it was a horse. It solidified my love for dogs over that of horses at an early age. Though I thought I still liked horses, because my dad trained them, that like was turned to “dislike” until I was a teenager. The love for dogs stuck a little more, even though I cannot recall that the pink fluff ever had a name.

Imaginary Friends are for little kids who have no one to play with them. So I used my stuffy’s, dolls, and other such toys to entertain me until my baby brother came along at six years old. Then in another year or so I developed the management tools that I would need for the rest of my life while bossing him around.

I don’t remember of the little pink fluff had a name. The color was much like Cotton Candy. And though I did not know about such when I received the doggy, later years, I always gravitated to the fair cart for some of the pink fluff. Having it melt in my mouth could transport me to worlds of imagination. So perhaps the puppy’s name was Candy.

About my IF, that is Imaginary Friend from years past. Mine was a magic carpet puppy that I rode like a horse. My little legs hugged the dog and my fingers gripped his ears, and I ran and slid across the floor countless times. In my mind we flew around the room hiding under the table and landing on the sofa. It must have been my constant companion because looking at it in my adult years I noticed the faux fur was completely worn off the fabric.

Another strong memory from those wee bitty years, is of someone asking me if I wanted a piece of candy. I would nod my head vigorously only to be asked once again, if I was “sure.” My poor little brain did not know what the word “sure” meant. I remember doing a circle with my head from no to yes, not knowing what the correct answer was. I hated the question “Are you sure?” I was not sure, I was “Yvonne.” Did my Imaginary Friend have a name? Could it really be imaginary if the puppy was a stuffy that I rode around like a magic carpet?

This past summer when we cleaned out the old house, I found it in the “keepsakes” box. I took a picture of the pink rock and then threw it away. The stuffing in the doggie had turned into a solid mass of something. Not sure why, but the foam innards had hardened into a solid beast. The little puppy did not look near as comely as he had while I rode him across the hard floor of the kitchen as a toddler.

Through the years that followed my toddling days, I turned from this carpet puppy to horses during my play time. But it was not long until I felt the thump of the heart and warmth of live fur baby more comforting. I had a cat in middle school and high school named Mittens. Mittens was grey with white socks on the fore paws. He was such a quiet cat indoors that I snuck him up to my bedroom a lot. The comforting feline pur was so addictive. It was so sad when he had an accident and had to be put down. I cried a lot. Thank goodness he had to go shortly after one of my paper route friends lost her husband. The value of “soul” was not lost on me. I knew someday, maybe, I could have another cat. She would never get another husband.

Today, nearly two score of years later, I still prefer a puppy over a horse. Even though a week ago, my grandson asked if “we could get another horse.” What is this “we” thing, I thought. I already took care of Cocoa for years while taking Benadryl just to be around him. And I know that a cat would make my hubby do the same thing. He is so allergic to the “dusties” that a cat produces with it’s constant shed. That is one of the reasons we now have a Shih Tzu in the house instead of a constant shed dog.

We watched the movie IF (2024) in the fall of 2025. Yeah, we’re cheap and usually wait until the movie is released from theatre and can be seen at home. Once in a great while, we do make it to the show house, but this one escaped our knowing. I really enjoyed the whole concept of the film and thought about my pink Cotton Candy puppy right away. Who wouldn’t remember riding through the house on a pink fluff?

I don’t need an Imaginary Friend when I have a real fur ball. But I do still love the addicting sound of a good motor. I do have six cats outdoors yet. Tabitha and Kramer are probably my favorite right now. Though Kramer won’t sit still very well. Zuchi has followed me around the most, like to the greenhouse and stuff. But Kona does tricks! And though I can’t ride him around like a magic carpet, his greetings and energy are fun and contagious. He does make me laugh with his funny jump-fly over the steps into the living room after a fetch session.

While I began this writing back in October, today seemed a good day to complete it. I was suppose to visit my little people (grandchildren) but my daughter now has the tummy bug the two youngest shared with her. This winter has been full of immune building experience for them. My last visit to their house was punctuated by a little girl finding the scissors to see what was inside her favorite stuffy. Mommy was pretty upset for having to do surgical repairs once again. Some children are so attracted to the hand held cutters. My mind immediately returned to all of the toys that we repaired for our fur ball Furbie. He wanted to get to the heart “squeaky” and we let him. Then we saved the rabbits, squirrels, skunks, and socks for further demolition. It’s hard to imagine what this little girl might do someday and what this “knowledge” will help her learn.

Meanwhile, my mom took a tumble and aafter a brief hospital stay is now in rehab, riding a bike and learning to use her new “walker” friend. No imagination needed here. Just some hope to get better soon. And not the kind my husband mentioned. One of his coworkers needed a “get better soon” card not because he was ill, but because failure had marked every attempt to teach the kid something new. Some people have no imagination.

Momentary Afflictions

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 “Therefore we do not loose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary affliction is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.”

Thirty five years ago I woke up from anesthesia following an appendectomy and hear this little song in my mind as my conscienceless returned to me: “The birds upon the tree tops sing their songs, they lift their little voices all life long, so why can’t I? Why can’t you, Praise Him Too!” It has taken me nearly that long to understand that purpose statement in my life.

When my ears are nearly blowing up from the sinus pressure of a very long allergy season, how do I find my voice to Praise God? When the wind is blowing and the low whine is driving me insane just as the wind nearly did some thirty years earlier during a blizzard, how do I Praise God now? How can I praise God when I am having a bad day physically, because my eyes don’t tell me where I am anymore? There are days I find it hard to find a song of praise.

These present afflictions can go on and on some days zapping our energy, our hope, our focus, our love, our kindness and even our faith. We live in a world of full of erosion and destruction. Every day becomes a battle to grow an inner belief that does not fade.

So taking a look at the moments in my life today. What is true? My first focus of any day is what is the weather. I want to know how to dress. I am so glad that I have a home that keeps me out of the elements all night long and that I have a device to tell me how the weather is for the day. The truth is the air surrounding me is more my focus than the One who gives me the ability to breath that air. Lord, thank You for giving me so much!

What is noble? Looking for the grandeur amongst the clay pots of life is more to be commended that studying the dirt that fills the pot. For me it’s all about the beauty of the plant in the pot. Today, the holiday cactus put a new blooms on. Last year I have five months of continuous blooms on the plant. It amazes me to see the beauty of the trumpeting bloom declaring God’s infinite imagination!

What is just? While many of us wish life could always be fair, much of the time it simply is not. Like what justice is there in my husband’s having a muscular dystrophy that is so obscure and debilitating? What justice is there in giving me a body that could walk miles but lungs that won’t allow it? Physcially speaking living in a fallen world means justice is not to had within our life here. God’s justice is not often known here on earth. It’s eternal justice that we seek, and even that is only done by the everlasting kindness of a merciful God through Jesus.

What is pure? There are days, I am reminded that little Kona has a little white spot on his chest. I think of that spot as his purity mark. Dog’s love with pure abandon. They have no preconceived plans for the day. They have no concept of anything other than what we offer them. God put His mark of love in Kona’s little heart and it shines right through to make a spot on his chest reminding me that God loves us with pure abandon also. Jesus left his home in heaven and came to show us what pure love looks like. It is so bright it sends all the darkness away!

What things are lovely? Praise God for so many lovely thoughts to turn me our of my troubling mindset. The wind can really do a number on me mentally. But only God can take this momentary affliction and help me find things to Praise Him about. It is lovely to have a classic radio station to drown out the wind. It is lovely to have husband that loves me enough to call and see how I’m handling the day. It is lovely to have a puppy lean on my legs and tell me I am not alone.

What good report have I to share with you? I finished the pink / gray scarf with the nordic Freyja heart pattern. I did it thinking about breast cancer awareness. I have two aunts and now a cousin who has survived the dreaded cancer. That is a good report!

What virtuous and praise worthy thing can I meditate on today? So thankful for my daughter’s and the virtues that God has instilled in them. From one being a mother that constantly plants good seeds into her children, to the other being a boss that lifts up her employees to do their best, God has granted me two beautiful women to watch on a daily basis be praiseworthy and virtuous .

Phillipians 4 verse eight says, “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of a good report if there be any virtue or if there be anything praise worthy, think (meditate) on these things.” (ESV). I use to get stuck on the whatever attitude that people had for a time, something like the overuse of the word “like.” Thinking on the good report rather than all the negative bad news in the world is a focus challenge. While my ears feel like they are about to blow up and I am deciding on whether I need more medicine or the doctor, I must decide to think upon the good report. For example, today the tub of onions that I received from my dad’s onion patch got tipped over at some point last spring. We just left it that way, and sure enough the onions prefer growing on the ground than in the tub. I was able to harvest a few for my chicken noodle soup today.

Greenhouse update or good report: The aloe vera plant went crazy this past year loving the atmosphere in the dome. I now have seven plants to give away where there was just two before. I’ll keep two and get rid of the extra.

My crochet story good report: I finished the pink scarf and started another. Even though I lost a whole bag of yarn this last few months. I misplaced while preparing for the grandkids overnight stay when little newborn brother came along. I still have not found the lost bag of yarn. My husband was nice and let me buy more!

Smoothing Out Wrinkles

The evening after a day with the grand kids often has me ready to go straight home and find the bath tub for a good soak. There is a very good reason why one’s ability to bear children happens during youth. The energy drains much faster when the cup is only half full even at the beginning of the day. So my thought process about going to see the falls was rather surprising.

We live in a climate that often gives us four seasons in less than a weeks time. And averaging the moth into tempreature zones I often wonder what season it will be this week. Dressing for winter at 8 a.m., spring at noon, and summer at three in the afternoon is rather hard to accomplish if I am not going to be home. So I was rather glad that the weather stayed a bit cooler for the whole day. And we decided to go walk the falls and smell the acrid spray of water mist.

Day after day the spring has wrapped up a dry fabric across the landscape. The grass at home seems nonexistent. Patches of dirt are just spreading out like burnt pieces of toast all across the acreage. the crunch beneath my feet makes me think I should not even be walking there. It was nice to walk on a sidewalk flanked by actual lawn the evenibg that we walked at the falls park.

Kona had his scheduled spa day at the doggie daycare. I thought sure he would be tired, but instead he seemed so wound up when we arrived home. Like we got someone else’s dog. Maybe he just gets the zoomees after daycare because he had to be in the crate napping so often. His energy level has been pretty consistent and I still love that he sleeps so well all night long.

The water falls were mild for this time of year. I think even the up river snow fall has been way below average. I was trying to remember the last time we got rain that was more than a spit. Last Jjune or July we may have received an half inch at one spirt.

A whole week later: And now it is the day after once again. I feel like my ability to focus on thought and writing has gone with the wind. The dust clouds scared the rain away once again. I spent the day with the kiddos yesterday. It’s been a whole week since my entry beginnings..

I tried picking up a book about Mycroft Holmes the brother of Sherlock Holmes. After finishing the “Complete Collection” I really should try a different route of thought. The book that I chose was so scatter brained. For lack of concentration I did fall asleep. So for that purpose, it worked. But it’s daytime that lacks for entertainment. And I really should not watch videos of the grand kids for hours on end.

This morning I got to thinking about my dearly departed mom-in-law again. Doing laundry, I was reminded about her love for ironing. Was she truly one of those “smooth out the wrinkles” kind of person? How often in our lives were we part of her attempt to make smooth the rough patches?

There are three small travel irons now taking up space in my house. Who uses such a thing? They are a testament to how many trips they took. Of course the were benevolence trips. Because of their proximity to sibling relationship, that’s how they went. Though some trips were taken on their own funds, many of the cruises and such were group outings. I think of the other siblings and how they must have felt about this trio of travelers. Is there jealousy wat fueled some of the wrinkles in the relationships?

Unfortunately, I can also think of ways in which there were road blocks put up. But because we are all in a trying to get along phase in life, perhaps it’s best to leave the road construction season to the history books and not turn back the pages that cause strife.

My yarn came for a commission project. First the Freyja blanket needs to be finished. I really do like it just not fancy about these colors, so it will likely be another give away!

And one last night on the mishaps of the blind, not lame, and not dumb. Last night my allergies reached their spring maximum. My sinus migraines are requiring every medicine that I can possible take for this pollenating tree season. So while I love spring and it’s blooming nature, I am quite miserable and hope that this writing and my crochet work does not reflect this wrinkled up dress shirt moment in my life!

Kona’s Journal: Give us this day…

The Lord’s prayer has s phrase that we often say, but think little about the whole of it’s meaning. “Give us this day our daily bread…” This week we finally found Kona the right food! I learned asking God for help to feed the puppy right is okay. And He asnwered our prayers!

Isaiah 11:3 “And his delight shall be in the fear of the Lord”. The verse goes on to say we should not judge things simply by what we see and hear. Wisdom needs a deeper dive just to fully understand. And sometimes the secrets of the Lord are for Him to keep and for people of greatness to find out. Do I give God the glory and fear Him when I can’t figure something out or when He supplies the answer?

I recently watched a movie on my prime account called “Gifted.” I was impressed by the dive into the Foster Care System and the failures of our court system to side with the acting parent. Whether blood relation should be first in the best welfare of a child is often disputed. In this case the primary caregiver finally won and the system demanded more specifics in that care. Most of the time the foster care system fails both the child and the parent.

We have our own case in the family of acting care giver. And the child was removed unto the system. However, our prayers are that the acting caregiver, my brother, will be able to continue his love and care in visitation and genuine love.

Don’t judge by what you see or hear… I have not ever really had much to do with today’s silliness. In fact, we had a book for the kids to help them understand. “Mommy, why don’t we do Halloween?” The book was intended to help kids gain understanding of differing worldviews and choose Jesus.

One of my four year old relatives said, “well, halloween is fake but Christmas is Jesus, and that’s real.” Yes, sometimes it takes a child’s mind to get the point across properly. One can dress up anyway he or she chooses, but it’s does not change the inside. The heart of the matter is what matters.

We spent a whole month trying to understand the “mind” of our little Kona, only to discover the whole thing is all about the stomach. Yep, I should know that by now. I mean really. We once had a Shih Tzu mix dog that developedoped “nut gut.” And while that dog truly drove me batty, I knew that Kona had not been given something bad to eat. So what truly was all the behavior problem with changing the food.

Apparently, Kona was an Oatmeal and Chicken puppy. Who would have guessed that is what he also must have as an adult food. We finally found an adult formula that is agreeing with his stomach. Small dogs are a breed all of there own, I guess.

The second day on the new food had him less nippy, more settled and actually asking to go outside for potty (pee). Thank God that some companies out there know that if a puppy grows up on oatmeal, he can’t switch to rice, or legumes, or potato. Bother. And I’m glad that my daughter was simple in her prayers at lunch with her kiddos and asked God to help us find the right food for Kona.

My review of Bark Box TM is ongoing. They are very consistent for this whole year of subscription toy and treat by mail. The treats have been helpful, though some do not agree with his tummy. Charlie gets those. The toys have been rather dumb sometimes. but the one above we named Bruce after the character of Batman. I tried to rotate the toys. But for the most part, they just get lost or put in the travel bag and we rotate that way. He does not destroy toys so is allowed to play with most anything.

Final notes on the last week of October: The weather has turned more late fall / winter. The moisture system left the west side of the state with some snow. We received less than a half inch of precipitation. It was enough to dampen all the fallen leaves and add to the mold spores in the air. Hubby lawn vacuumed the leaves just before the rain arrived. I am also thankful for that machinery. So on we go into the next month. I suppose this is not the last of Kona’s Journal entries.

So here is my praise to God for brilliant minds that learn all about the digestive needs of a little puppy and put together a formula for the small breed dog. here’s hoping that his weekend at the doggie hotel does not mess him up too much. It’s not exactly puppy college it’s more like going to the dogs and forgetting everything they ever learned. Yuck. Shower on Monday when we are back home.

Senior Moments: Kona’s Journal

From last September until now seems like a decade. But really it has only been twelve months and a few weeks since this little black lap top came into my life. One year ago I was almost embarrassed to tell anyone that I got another dog. Why? Well, because I already had two at the time and another seemed excessive.

Yet, get Kona we did. We exchanged cash for him in the Burger King parking lot, only to find out that we both had driven farther than necessary. Kona was raised by a breeder just three and a half miles from our home. Ohm, well. We were pleased. And for the first time, I did not complain about the pain of riding in the vehicle as the seats simply do not fit my small frame.

And how did we get here? To this day of small black puppy sitting quietly on the lap while I type away… Okay, he actually has to sit next to me while I type. But as long as he has a bath every two weeks or so, he is content to sit next to me. Apparently it feels really good to be clean. No videos in the archives. He is simply too fast for me to catch after his zoomees from being clean.

September 29th just a few days after we brought him home, I began the lap training. It was time to stop bringing the cat in the house for a warm little body on the legs. And that bean bag that you put in the microwave always gets cold after a little while. Yes, Kona is much more effective as a lap warmer.

The other moments are rather hard for me to catch on film. I am just not good at photography anymore. Trying to catch the “moment” usually means I’ve missed the moment that meant to be captured! So most of the time I simply don’t try.

Winter moments of frigid outdoors did not seem so awful, when I knew that there was a warm up soon. Really, my blood pressure had been so low before the puppy, that I would often shiver uncontrollably after meals. I knew that I really needed to get moving more often. The other dog (doodle nightmare) only needed out three times a day and she often did not need supervision. So getting moving with a puppy seemed better for my physical needs.

That was winter, then came the spring. Honey got really sticky and naughty and decided she simply could not abide by our commands anymore. After nearly two months of “fighting” with her, I decided I simply was not willing to be someone that I was not. She must have been better at some point? No, all of my challenges and struggles day to day were definitely her pushing me over the edge of anger. I was done.

Spring rolled into summer and life became a little less stressful with only two “good boy” dogs around. We were so amazed at the peace that could be had in our lives.

While this little guy did present a few challenging moments, we learned that there is never enough socialization to be had. He presented us with some anxious crate dog prizes and also decided to be difficult in the potty training area. Why would he simply not just tell us? Uff day! Puppies can be so stubborn sometimes.

Summer rolled right into fall, and this year without the canning frenzy, I tried to pay more attention to the black mop. We made a couple of adjustments to his feeding. We were able to move from puppy food to adult food with a little moisture added to each feeding. Constipation is an issue for a puppy that does not exercise enough to actually drink a lot. Keeping the food a little wet has helped much.

We did not celebrate his gotcha day. Charlie’s “Gotcha Day” came and went with the farewell to Honey. So I guess we had two bummer family dog days. Kona’s Gotcha Day was when dad was in the hospital and we simply did not feel like specialty moments. Life was hanging in the balance and though the dog was enjoyable, people are so much more important.

While I have more than a dozen lap photos of Kona, these four seemed to spell it out the best. Life is full of seasons. Spring, summer, fall and winter we find memories that carry us into the next one. Sometimes the seasons are short like the puppy-hood. Other times fall seems way too short and winter much too long. Spiritually speaking seasons can go on much longer than we anticipate. Finding the moments worth savoring is what matters.

I am so thankful that my desire for a little lap munchkin was also part of getting me out of the chair more often. I need to get up and walk more. Even when I take Kona with me to my daughter’s house, or over to other places, it’s his need to go out that keeps me moving. I am glad for the excuse to get walking a little more. And I am perfectly fine with the fact that a Shih Tzu dog is a senior dog. I am an Oma-grandma four times now, and I guess that makes me well suited to own a dog best fit for seniors!

Truth Time from Kona: Just the other day these two old geezers missed my cue to go potty. I mean really, the music on the TV show was much too loud. So instead of listening to my huffs and puffs, they totally ignored me. So I told them. I went back tot he bedroom, jumped up on the bed and let it loose. Really what was I supposed to do? My bladder was about to blow up like a water balloon on a brick wall. Well, they did not like that, I guess. I’m back on the tether again. I don’t mind. Maybe they will listen next time.

Kona’s Journal

Week 37 of 51… Kona has spend thirty seven weeks of his life here with us. He is nearly one year old and will soon tranisition to adult puppy-hood. I sometimes wonder at how good is while hoping I did not mess his training up too much.

One Sunday in May Kona had a very bad crate day. We left him in a stranger’s garage in his crate only to have him “freak out!” Because that said stranger came back but did not take any care for him before we could get bacck to him. Well, the stress made him do his worst crate small puppy syndrome ever. What a mess. And it was a situation that I felt so helpless in as my eyesight hindered me from doing any clean up help. At that very moment in time, I was ready to just give the dog-gone dog away. Then…

We took him to a graduation party where there were lots of people. He had already had his freak out insecure neurotic experience for the day, so the grad party was pretty calm. He spent most of the time on my lap. During the party, he had a chance to light up someone’s life. Kona got to sit in Ernie’s lap for about fifteen minutes.

Ernie is my cousin’s son. He suffered a massive stroke about seven months ago. Unfortunately, this left his abilities diminished and his emotional scarring is fairly unknown. Stroke victims often express the over riding “sadness” that they feel as a result of the injuries. Ernie has spent much of the last five months in physical therapy. One of the things that lit up his face was the presence of a visiting therapy dog.

Kona’s visit with Ernie that day also made him really smile.

Over six weeks have passed by since Kona saw Ernie. But they say once a dog “licks” someone he will always know that person. So this Saturday when Ernie arrived at the family gathering, I was not surprised to see Kona perk up immediately when the wheelchair entered the room.

The attraction for Kona and Ernie is evidently mutual. Kona’s little body went directly into a pointer position and his tail was wagging excitedly. And when the little fourteen pound fur ball was placed on Ernie’s lap he curled right up for his petting session.

Thus began the discussion once again about a dog for Ernie. My cousin and I have talked on the phone a couple of times about “trial” runs with Kona. This trial run looks a little different that actually getting a dog. First of all, there are no strings attached. Except of course Kona’s leash and harness. It’s a great option to discover if having a dog even works into their busy learning life anew pace. Ernie’s care is pretty full time. So adding a dog to care for might just put stress over the edge.

Then again… Having pet therapy for a child that is so “sad” because of this life change, could just add the happy back to their home. Ernie has such a vibrant, comical, jovial spirit, that perhaps a dog could mirror that “feeling” and help him find some happiness again.

My study this past year over “dog mirror” reflection has led me to so many conclusions. There are three types of dogs really. Front, middle, and back of the pack dogs all have a role to play once trained. But trying to train the high energy or low energy dog out of themselves is not possible. A high energy dog even if it is back of the pack will push the pack to high anxious energy. I have no desire to ever have a high energy dog agin no matter what part of the pack he or she comes from.

Kona was the “middle” of the pack in his puppy life. Three puppies were born, two brown and one black. He was the last of the pups to leave and that makes him the back of the pack. But he is considered a low energy dog even though he is fairly high maintenance.

On the reflection nature…. I have watched him get amped up from children that are easily excitable. I have also watched him just sit on an elderly person’s lap for nearly an hour, just watching the world happen. Kona does not have to be in the center of all of the activity. We have worked hard at training him to “place” out of the way during high activity times. Like supper preparation, gathering items for leaving, and even outside when children are navigating stairways.

Code words for Kona. Come. Sit. Stay. Shake. Paw. Place. Up. Down. On. Off. Load up. Potty. Go Pee. Wait. Leave it. Okay. Heel. Be Still. Roll Over. Get a Toy. Brush your teeth. Go to bed. Buckle up. Get a drink. Be careful. Gentle. Enough.

Kona’s schedule. 8 am Awake Buckle up Heel Outside Go Potty. Go pee. Good Boy! (That’s Me). 8:30 am wipe your paws, Unbuckle. Breakfast *sit, stay, wait, shake, spin, leave it, (fill water) okay (Now I can eat). Brush your teeth in place (Chew on my bone) while we eat. Get a toy, play fetch for fifteen minutes or so. 9 am settles for rest. 10:30 or 11 go out, buckle up, go pee, heel back inside. Repeats at 12:30 or one. Again at 2:30 or 3. Also at about five pm before supper prep hour. He gets his scoop of food on the maize bowl when we eat supper, so that he is busy in his place while we supper. During training period we tied him up to his place. Buckle up again at 7 pm or so for his evening lighten up. He goes pee again at 8:30 or so depending on how much frenzy and play and drink, he may need to go twice before bed. Snuggle before bed.

Kona is on his first over night therapy visit. I still can’t believe the puppy that use to loose his bladder on Gavin last November has arrived at a therapy moment. And he is such a good boy. It just makes me well up with tears when I think of the mutual attraction that he has with Ernie.

I am a little delayed on his weekend review. Kona decided that “dad” in the house was not his friend. So he barked at him all the time. He also cleaned house for them, and picked up a lot of little things. Thus the constant attention device and trade busy day. Night time sleep is not a real constant thing with much upset through the night, Kona did not sleep very well either. And when they left him for a short outing, he did his ususal anxiety dump on the kitchen floor. Other than that they found out Mom was not ready for the work of a doggie in their home yet. She has too many other people to care for to take on an attention device like Kona. Good to know. We will continue to take Kona for visits to Ernie and Millie so that they can get their puppy cuddles and giggles out!

Sentimental Value

Sometimes we keep things way past their point of use. We call that insuring the sentimental value. Why? Well, sometimes it takes ten years or more to say goodbye properly.

When our dog Furbie died the kids were off to college and I could no longer drive anywhere that I wanted to. Life had changed in a very hard way for me. And with the last link to the “girls” gone, I just simply could not stop the flow of tears. I even went to the doctor to try to settle the grief score and the emotions would not heal easily. So we tried another puppy and only got a bad mistake. For the next three years the-dog-that-does-not-deserve-a-name was trying his hardest to make me glad again. It did not work. And because the poor little thing mirrored my emotional upheaval perfectly, he developed a bad gut. (The bad stomach came from an overnight visit to a neighbor who did not understand the no people food rule of small dogs.). We ended up having to put the dog down.

Those few years of lost connections to the days when my girls were about the house were hard. Our first dog died the fall the first daughter went off to college. Then the second during the spring of the second daughter’s freshman year. And then three years into the college gig and the third doggie died of diabetes just after our first daughter became engaged. Rough times but life was marching on and it was time to write a new future for myself.

Don’t feed the bitter roots. This is easier said than done. I think of all the history of this place in which I live. The homestead has so many rich stories of the people who have lived here and farmed and kept the place what it is. All those years of sheep and herdingthe girls and pets around. I did not have time to think of what went on before us. Now time is all that I seem to have

There are some happenings on any acreage that could keep others from wanting to even live there. We ddecided to not feed those bitter roots and bring life to the place. But one of our old friends during our sheep days would say, “when you have livestock, sometimes you have dead stock.” So I began to take the passing of my cats and doggies differently.

All dogs go to heaven? Well, my mind is not so sure about all of that simplistic thought. Perhaps they do. I still feel a little guilty about not bringing Furbie’s body back home to be buried. Sometimes grief really clouds the thinking channels. But animals don’t have a soul like people do. Animals have spirit, personality, and character traits. Some just seem to be larger than life, and are harder to let go of. Like Furbie.

The blanket in the first picture was his special blanket that I crocheted for him after umpteen projects that he would “test” out for me. Every thing that I crocheted had to be tried by his furry little body to see if it was worthy of a nap. Of course, I made a lot of rugs during those days so that was fine with me. But soon even the afghans and blankets had to be tested. So I found this old project from years past, pulled out the yarn and made him his own Zen blanket. (I don’t really believe in any of that stuff.)

For sentimental value I saved the blanket in a ziplock blanket bag in the top of some closet. It took me four months to get up the courage to pull out of the step-stool and look for it. Yep, this little doggie can only be seen on the white side. It’s time to say goodbye to the zen and do a makeover.

Look for positive and join in. This is a great policy in life when working with other people in a work situation or community setting. We looked for a new kind of dog bed that would work in our current lifestyle. So this little “trough” style bed seemed just right to me.

Making it was a trial in and of itself. My poor hubby had a board from up in the attic of the garage come down and bite him in the lip. It took a few layers of skin right off his upper lip. Miserable. Poor thing still can’t pucker up as the pain is bothering him yet. But I think he did a great job on the little bed. The other evening during supper Kona had half his body underneath the bed retrieveing a toy. That was so funny I nearly cried laughing!

Now of course the decision is paint or stain. I think we are leaning towards painting it white-ish so that it reflects light and it is easier to find him. We’ll see what it looks like after the blanket is done and in it.

Keeping things for one reason or another can make for a very cluttered house. Trying to find Furbie’s crocheted blanket occupied my thoughts longer than the actual activity of getting it out of the closet keeper. I am glad we keep it even though I have no special memorial spot for the first few pets, at least this black and white yarn will bring back a smile.

Holding water in one’s hand. That’s what they say about trying to hang unto the past when the present is drowning out old memories. I hope I always have room for the hear and now. And I pray I will seek to make new memories always.

The past four days while experiencing this momentary affliction that life on this earth sometimes has to offer us, I spent a lot of time in the numbness of pain. Not even thinking of the morrow, just looking for the next hour to pass can be feel pretty hopeless at times. Nevertheless, the hours to go by. Time does march on. The stomach bug does flush away to the land of never-ness. Until next time, and I wonder what have I learned from this suffering? How has this made me more like Christ? How did this conform me to the image of the invisible God-head?

Movie Watch: Moonrise, Heaven’s Door and Land all on prime video. We tried a couple on the tv smart stations but they are so old we could hardly handle the language and drunken escapades. Land is about a woman who has given up on people and tries to go live off the land in the mountains by herself. Only to find out that she can still learn from another person. Heaven’s Door is about a family who looses a grandfather just after loosing a baby. The eldest daughter shows them waht is like to have childlike faith in the aterlife and yet in the her and now. Moonrise is also a “grief-loss-gain” movie. A country singer finds his way back to the trade through hiring a horse trainer. What they all have in common is that everyone needs some form of grief counseling simply because we live on this fallen planet. Affliction adn suffering happens to everyone. What we chose to do with it is another matter.

Sentimental Value can have us grasping to hang unto things like water in nne’s hand. I think of this as the yarn slips through my fingers. What was here today may be gone tomorrow. Puppies aren’t forever. Yarn might last more than a lifetime if it’s taken care of properly. What really lasts is the pleasure we derive from such vain things. And may we grasp that even such joy comes from the Giver who can hold the oceans in one hand.

Excuse Me, You’re In My Blindspot: Kona’s Journal

“Yet it was kind of you to share my troubles.” —Phil. 4:14 ESV

T shirts with attitude sayings are not particularly my thing. But this one should be part of my wardrobe as there are so many times that I run into people without meaning to. Even today I used a more polite “excuse me” as we were out and about shopping. But the biggest issue today was my poor little doggy.

I know that I have anxiety, but today it was challenged to the point of panic driven behavior. Just afternoon about one o’clock I took the dogs out for a stroll outside to find a couple items. We walked quite a bit from building and finally after the mail. On the way back from the mailbox, Charlie put Zucchi, the cat, up the ash tree. It was sort of funny. Then we came back into the house.

I was eating my snack and drink and not paying attention to the puppy when suddenly it dawned on me that he was not nearby. Immediately I began calling his name and got no response. “Kona Come!” So anxiety kicked in and I began looking everywhere in the house for him. (So I thought.). The behind the doors, under the beds, behind the sofa and in my search I noticed the front screen door was slightly ajar. The warm-ish weather always makes the frame swell and it has to be pulled shut to latch.

My brain said, he’s not in the house, he must have slipped outside. The first few minutes outside started the “baffled” feeling. Where was Kona? To me he was lost, hung up on the short leash that I had left on him. After fifteen minutes outside, I panicked. Literally. I was a hot mess.

Lost puppy is not how I expected the day to happen. And valentine’s day at that. A few phones calls, constant searching, lots of walking. I was trying not to trip in my tear induced state. Where was my puppy? To me, he was lost.

Blind Lady Trial number 3, 429 was in full scale. How in the world could I be trusted with the care of anything? Apparently a little black puppy had done me in. I was now a complete wreck. Gavin came home with the truck and the dog in the house barked. Honey had been in the house because I had a neighbor helping me look outside and she was just in the way. Then he heard another tell tale bark.

Searching through the house, he found the little black Shih Tzu wrapped up around the chair and the piano bench legs. The leash that I had left on the collar did get stuck on something. And yes, he was wrapped up around some major sticks (of furniture). He was stuck enough not to respond to my calls.

Why had he not barked ever for me? Why had he not answered me with a bark or whine? I know he’s a quiet little puppy most of the time but this was a bit much. Perhaps he had tried to get unstuck and only made the collar tighter so that he could not bark. Obviously he had hidden there to chew on a little twig or something. But really? Excuse me puppy, but you were in my blind spot. I had even looked under the piano bench. But not under that chair as he had never gone under the chair before.

“I’m sorry you lost your puppy.” This was little Melody a few hours later when we dropped off an item or two at her house. Who had told her, we don’t know. But the tears in her eyes were as real as the tears that I had shed earlier. She wanted assurance that all of the puppies and kitties that we had were okay. Honey? She’s in the pickup with Kona. Charlie? He’s home in his hut. The kittens? They are all in their little houses. Okay. Okay!

This past evening we put an Air Tag on the dog’s collar. Yes we did the research, and decided the benefits outweigh any risk. The Air tag is in a silicone case on his collar. And it is the cheapeast piece that we could do for peace of mind. Philipians 4 has much advice for us who suffer anxiety. Verse six and verse 13 tell us to put anxious thoughts in their corret place and do things in the strength of our Lord. But I am loving verse 14 right now. “Yet it was kind of you to share our troubles.”

Well, I boiled that cup of tea a bit strong. And I did not do so well on hunting for a new harness for him either. I neglected the fact that we have to pick him up to get in and out of the truck. The harness was an H style without a chest to girth support. He has to have the X style, even if it is not the step in. Though I think he likes the step in, he’s pretty quick at “Buckle Up!” So I am back to the drawing board on a new harness. Bugger. The Step in X is the best style for smaller dogs so that they cannot excape. The one I ordered had the x over the top not under the girth. Bother.

Blind lady issues will be part of my life going forward. I have RP or retinitis pigmentosia. Loosing things is part of my life. Like the other day when I spent all day looking for my woolen homespun crocheted hat. It was on the table full of what nots! We just have to find the right tools to help me in my “trade.” One of our recent purchases was a talking thermometer. That was very helpful when I had my ear infection. Another recent purchase was the cup full meter. It beeps much like the back-up alarm on the truck. Closer. Closer okay over filled! I use it daily multiple times. And I don’t even poor my dark drink into a dark cup!

Unfortunately I can’t wear an Air Tag or a too close meter for people when I am out and about. Can you imagine the alarm going off constantly because someone is in my blind spot? The nerve of people to get close enough that my alarm might go off. Spacial awareness is not the God given gift of everyone in the world. Some of us are visually challenged. The other day while picking up the puppy and “bed” at my daughter’s house I knocked over the oldest grand child because I did not know that she was in RANGE. Oops. Much apologies later, I was back in route to my destination. Yep, I’m blind. Sorry little girly! Too close meter might not have even worked in that situation.

Kona Weak 18: Kona’s Journal

The cone of shame has arrived. The day before Ground Hog Day 2024 and we are treating our puppy to some chicken noodle soup for dogs. Well, okay, just putting his kibbles in some water so that he will rink something. They say it’s the hardest part of surgery recovery.

Tonight we started the must see movies for “would be writers.” The first on the list was “The Words.” I recommend it for even the novice reader! The idea that life can be either fiction or nonfiction and that it is what we make it our to be….

Today while Kona was away I spent the day cleaning up the house. First I finished my editing on the introduction to Cocoa’s Tale. I am so excited about finding Cocoa’s voice in my mind. Cleaning and writing and planning writing don’t seem to match what poor Kona was experiencing at the knife of the surgeon. Nevertheless the day was passed in such quick order.

The Fresh air day of windows open and smell of spring in the air is quite not right for the first day of February. But the thoughts of spring kept me reverting to the love that Cocoa had for Young Grass. Ahh, that will be a few months away for sure!

Return to roots happened once again for me when my sister began talking about the BAD apple cake that went moldy back when we were growing up. And of course, no one is allowed to forget it. We all remember. Mother is the only one that will still make an apple cake and then eat it. I won’t even put apple sauce in my muffins! Cocoa loved his apples. I remember how he wanted me to hold it so that he could eat around the core. Just keep turning it, he seemed to say, you know those seeds are not good for any living thing.

Attempt at nothing for the past week turned out to be pretty productive. My ear infection is finally responding to the medicine and I am feeling better. Thank goodness, because now Kona will need to have more of my attention. Though I think it will be more to the two hour schedule that we had earlier in his puppyhood.

As usual, I have another meanwhile to insert…. This past month I had the joy of renewing some connections with people from our first Home away from home in Minnesota. That was so special to hear from my good “old” friends. Makes me think of Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton’s somg “You Can’t Make Old Friends.”

And then the night…. That was rough. Kona would not sleep in his crate. He just whined the whole time in there. So I took him to the sofa so that Gavin and Honey could get some sleep. And every twenty seconds it seemed he tried to get away from his ouchie. Uff dah.

This morning we have been outings but not much success. Water has been sucked down a few times and he ate a soggy soup breakfast. We watched a horse movie to help me get in the “mood” for writing about Coco, the only thing that helped was the waterworks. Tears. Yep. Movie “A Sunday Horse” is the dream of a miracle horse, rider, and the jumping show business. In the end the horse lives 25 years and has to be let go. Of course, nothing lasts forever here on this earth.

Then I got the vision of Charlie and Honey being the Ken and Dolly of our farm. Oh, my. Charlie is always “bark” asking if Honey can come out to play. Today is is wet, misty, on the verge of raining. Not the best weather for the second day of February. So here goes for six more weeks until spring. Or six more weeks of winter, you decide.

(The Truth-by Gavin…. I took Kona away from his lady on Thursday and then picked him up at the vet around 3 pm. The look on the little guys face was death daggers and kill you! The next 24 hours proved the neither of them could live without me. After a completely sleepless night, She told me to come with solutions or don’t come home at all. WOW! And I thought we all loved each other. So I came home with some drugs for dogs and a reprieve for my poor wife. Just saying those melatonin chamomile chews for the dog worked great. And she’ll never know that the oatmeal cookies I made for her are full of vallium. Okay I might be kidding about that one. Calming treats do work though. Love you dear!)