Sometimes we keep things way past their point of use. We call that insuring the sentimental value. Why? Well, sometimes it takes ten years or more to say goodbye properly.
When our dog Furbie died the kids were off to college and I could no longer drive anywhere that I wanted to. Life had changed in a very hard way for me. And with the last link to the “girls” gone, I just simply could not stop the flow of tears. I even went to the doctor to try to settle the grief score and the emotions would not heal easily. So we tried another puppy and only got a bad mistake. For the next three years the-dog-that-does-not-deserve-a-name was trying his hardest to make me glad again. It did not work. And because the poor little thing mirrored my emotional upheaval perfectly, he developed a bad gut. (The bad stomach came from an overnight visit to a neighbor who did not understand the no people food rule of small dogs.). We ended up having to put the dog down.
Those few years of lost connections to the days when my girls were about the house were hard. Our first dog died the fall the first daughter went off to college. Then the second during the spring of the second daughter’s freshman year. And then three years into the college gig and the third doggie died of diabetes just after our first daughter became engaged. Rough times but life was marching on and it was time to write a new future for myself.
Don’t feed the bitter roots. This is easier said than done. I think of all the history of this place in which I live. The homestead has so many rich stories of the people who have lived here and farmed and kept the place what it is. All those years of sheep and herdingthe girls and pets around. I did not have time to think of what went on before us. Now time is all that I seem to have
There are some happenings on any acreage that could keep others from wanting to even live there. We ddecided to not feed those bitter roots and bring life to the place. But one of our old friends during our sheep days would say, “when you have livestock, sometimes you have dead stock.” So I began to take the passing of my cats and doggies differently.
All dogs go to heaven? Well, my mind is not so sure about all of that simplistic thought. Perhaps they do. I still feel a little guilty about not bringing Furbie’s body back home to be buried. Sometimes grief really clouds the thinking channels. But animals don’t have a soul like people do. Animals have spirit, personality, and character traits. Some just seem to be larger than life, and are harder to let go of. Like Furbie.
The blanket in the first picture was his special blanket that I crocheted for him after umpteen projects that he would “test” out for me. Every thing that I crocheted had to be tried by his furry little body to see if it was worthy of a nap. Of course, I made a lot of rugs during those days so that was fine with me. But soon even the afghans and blankets had to be tested. So I found this old project from years past, pulled out the yarn and made him his own Zen blanket. (I don’t really believe in any of that stuff.)
For sentimental value I saved the blanket in a ziplock blanket bag in the top of some closet. It took me four months to get up the courage to pull out of the step-stool and look for it. Yep, this little doggie can only be seen on the white side. It’s time to say goodbye to the zen and do a makeover.
Look for positive and join in. This is a great policy in life when working with other people in a work situation or community setting. We looked for a new kind of dog bed that would work in our current lifestyle. So this little “trough” style bed seemed just right to me.
Making it was a trial in and of itself. My poor hubby had a board from up in the attic of the garage come down and bite him in the lip. It took a few layers of skin right off his upper lip. Miserable. Poor thing still can’t pucker up as the pain is bothering him yet. But I think he did a great job on the little bed. The other evening during supper Kona had half his body underneath the bed retrieveing a toy. That was so funny I nearly cried laughing!
Now of course the decision is paint or stain. I think we are leaning towards painting it white-ish so that it reflects light and it is easier to find him. We’ll see what it looks like after the blanket is done and in it.
Keeping things for one reason or another can make for a very cluttered house. Trying to find Furbie’s crocheted blanket occupied my thoughts longer than the actual activity of getting it out of the closet keeper. I am glad we keep it even though I have no special memorial spot for the first few pets, at least this black and white yarn will bring back a smile.
Holding water in one’s hand. That’s what they say about trying to hang unto the past when the present is drowning out old memories. I hope I always have room for the hear and now. And I pray I will seek to make new memories always.
The past four days while experiencing this momentary affliction that life on this earth sometimes has to offer us, I spent a lot of time in the numbness of pain. Not even thinking of the morrow, just looking for the next hour to pass can be feel pretty hopeless at times. Nevertheless, the hours to go by. Time does march on. The stomach bug does flush away to the land of never-ness. Until next time, and I wonder what have I learned from this suffering? How has this made me more like Christ? How did this conform me to the image of the invisible God-head?
Movie Watch: Moonrise, Heaven’s Door and Land all on prime video. We tried a couple on the tv smart stations but they are so old we could hardly handle the language and drunken escapades. Land is about a woman who has given up on people and tries to go live off the land in the mountains by herself. Only to find out that she can still learn from another person. Heaven’s Door is about a family who looses a grandfather just after loosing a baby. The eldest daughter shows them waht is like to have childlike faith in the aterlife and yet in the her and now. Moonrise is also a “grief-loss-gain” movie. A country singer finds his way back to the trade through hiring a horse trainer. What they all have in common is that everyone needs some form of grief counseling simply because we live on this fallen planet. Affliction adn suffering happens to everyone. What we chose to do with it is another matter.
Sentimental Value can have us grasping to hang unto things like water in nne’s hand. I think of this as the yarn slips through my fingers. What was here today may be gone tomorrow. Puppies aren’t forever. Yarn might last more than a lifetime if it’s taken care of properly. What really lasts is the pleasure we derive from such vain things. And may we grasp that even such joy comes from the Giver who can hold the oceans in one hand.