Tag: life

Allergy Awareness: Eminent impending doom

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Experiencing anaphylactic shock from an allergy is awful. The feeling of near, impending disaster. The danger signals firing alarm bells in my head as the world seems to go dark in waves. Then the fainting, heavy feeling that going down is the next thing about to happen. And suddenly, I make a phone call that is not 911 but to my husband. “I feel awful.” And I need a calm life coach to get me to the next step.

Only a person who lives with an epinephrine pen knows what I am going through. Experiencing the awful feeling that something is so wrong inside oneself is hard. The fog in thinking is like draining my thoughts away. I am not even sure what is next or what is around me. Knowing where my EPI pen is or my inhaler, or my Benadryl. I did find then all but just wasn’t sure about doing my own shot of adrenalin booster.

My hand after the steroid and two types of antihistamine were sent into the blood stream.. I had to wait four hours to be assured the medicine was enough for my glands in the throat to reduce swelling. Also a safety protocol of heart monitoring after epinephrine. .

I was able to yell in my brain, “YOU JUST HAVE TO DO THIS!” And I did make myself sit up to swing the pen into my right thigh. It worked enough to start the coughing and keep my throat open until the ER. It was a close call. Riding in the car, I kept feeling the fainting nearby and thought just how terrible it would be to leave my family right now.

I went through all of my motions prior to and the only thing is perhaps the brand name Fig Newtons were tainted with barley. Or the dog’s treat that I gave him had barley and I did not get my fingers washed good enough. The next day I found the three bags of dog treats that I set aside have barley, or peanut butter in them. I will have to give those away to somebody’s dog that I don’t visit.

The ER doctor put me on a pretty high dose of steroid for a couple of days until the ingested item is out of my gut completely. I can’t believe how my glands are still pretty swollen today. There is some vertigo from my ears being pressed on by the glands there. So much stress on the body and so much stress from other sources.

The following Monday happened to be my annual physical day and yes, my family physician did give me a slap on the wrist! Next time the allergy response happens, I may not have as much time. It took one hour and fifteen minutes from the moment of ingestion until the IV steroid. Next time (if there is and when there is) my reaction must be swift, first the shot, them the Benadryl and then 911. Someone else will have notify my emergency person.

Taking on the burdens of other people can lead to stress overload. There’s a weight which so easily entangles us in the affairs of other people. Casting our cares at the feet of the Savior soon becomes the only way that we can cope with the heavy loads. I am turned back to the week with my father and how we talked about fishing or hunting, or Jesus. I would ask what kind of story, And as his body became more tired, he would simply say ‘You choose” with the biggest grin and squeeze my hand. I knew that he knew I would choose a “Jesus” story. So today the Jesus words I pick for my life and those who grow weary with the burdens of decision making that we all have comes from the Gospel according to Matthew.

Matthew 11:28 “Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your soul. “.

Of course, I am delayed on posting this journal entry. That is often the case as life happens faster than we can recall it at times. My dad passed away just the day after my ER visit. My brother also spending time in the urgent care to get a piece of metal out of a fingernail. Everyone else seemed to escape challenges until after the funeral. Then my other brother had kitchen plumbing disaster. My baby sister put up with a crying infant for the whole 17 hour car ride home. Life is not all frosting and birthday cakes.

The last few days have been solemn, sacred, special memories as we said “goodbye” to another earthly mortal. Grasping the life lessons that an individual has to teach us is so key. Having a positive, humorous attitude in the face of life’s sufferings, my dad used each opportunity that he had to help people find laughter in the midst of the situation. Even when it “hurts” to laugh, it is still the best medicine.

Note this close call: eating luncheon at the memorial service is a bit scary for me. I have to trust there is no hidden ingredient in the items set before me. Then while holding my granddaughter eating her potato chip, suddenly my daughter across the table says “stop, stop, mom!” The little dolls potato chipped fingers decided to eat the macaroni salad and my fork was holding a noodle that she had just swiped across before picking up her pepperoni pice. Close call, as I am also so allergic to potato it would have messed up everyone’s day if I got hauled off to the ER. Someone rescued the little body off my lap and took the plate away with her. I received another plate of salads and we made it through the day unscathed.

Of Odd Numbers

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Five and seven are consecutive odd numbers. And while that may be the age of that person in the mirror, I refuse. There are some parts older and some parts younger. For instance, my lungs are older, along with my eyes, my ability to do sports. The youthfulness of my imagination and my “wannabe“ never match.

That day, it was the asthma that ruins my ambition.

Adn here it is three days later. We received 7/10 of rain yesterday. That made for a soggy day. Not enough to leave any puddles. It was a perfect cloudy day to doing some transplanting the day before. All of the little Blanket Flower plants look happy after having a day of rest from the sun while they got used to a bigger pot.

So it means the weekend is here and much should happen but ambition will be the deciding factor. I gound some pretty blooms to photgraph today. My favorite is from the pear tree.

In this day of artificial intelligence is there anything real anymore? I use to enjoy watching vids on my iPad to entertain myself while in a state of boredom. But after checking out the validity of a particular story that seemed real, I learned there just isn’t much on the vid false line that can be trusted. So if I give up this pass-time or time out eccentricity, what will become of my time. What is there “to do?”

So much of our time is spent moving things from spot A to spot B. Yet it is the lot in our lives just simply to decide whether something we touch is to keep, to give away or to throw in the trash. Thus goes the days of our lives and it is nothing like the old Soap Opera of daytime television.

While sitting down at my grand daughter’s birthday party I was visited by reality. I asked the children if I could sit with them because I was only “five and seven.” She piped right up with “that’s fifty seven Oma!” And I let her be right and look smart infrom of all her cousins of which she is the oldest.

So while time marches on to next years birthdays, we will continue to count the days and allow God to number our years.

How to watch a Zig zag…

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“If ya haven’t got something nice to say… don’t say nothing at all. “. Our pastor had such a nice idea for Mother’s Day, hand out some compliments. Every mother really just wants her children to get along, to not fight, and perhaps learn how to hand out a compliment while they use their manners at the table. Unfortunately some of the little slips of paper that hte children were to pass out, inadvertently had nothing on them. Therefore many of the lessons that we aim to teach whether as parents, as pastors during children’s sermons, or as employees often get bumbled up. So the age old lessons, if you haven’t got anything nice to say…don’t say anything at all.

I was blessed to sit in the back seat with my mom on the way back to her assisted living quarters. My husband says he is happy to chauffeur and it really does work better for us to sit together in the back of the “limosine” where we can hear each other better. Two hours interviewing my mother made the trip go so quickly. And now it I can just remember all of those answers to those many questions.

Old memories are thus made new, while we talk about her childhood and remember things from throughout the eight decades that she has lived. So many things seem completely out of touch to our daily lives today. Like the wire used to hold the chicken after the head is chopped off. And the fact that it was down by the outhouse next to the twin cottonwood trees. Gavin’s grandpa had rigged up some fancy tool to do the job. Just how many chickens did the family go through every summer. No one took a daily trip to the Cosco broasted chicken ovens back them.

Then just a day or so later, I was to help with the grand kids for the day, and was so tired, I actually fell asleep on the floor at their house. This going one day and home the next day finally caught up with me poorly and few days later. My “Asthma Awareness Month” of May has given me a few days this month in which I fought the asthma struggle very poorly. I pushed and pushed to do some things the one day and finally gave up after blacking out while trying to pull some weeds.

Watching a Zig zag is quite difficult if on eis blind. Pretty sure if I was in the “real” job description, I would be fired. But how does one communicate with a toddler that will not say what she needs? If the child is taught to listen to her body, she will not be able to tell it’s needs. Bother for the grand parenting when the Zig zags and does to tell there is a bend in the curve!

So that is the small child… what about the elderly? I spend two hours Sunday interviewing a great. Now how do I remember all of those things. While asking my mother, I remembered all of my mom-in-law’s answers. Oh, dear. How am I to remember which direction the Zig zagged? I mean now really. I did not take my tablet with and nother is written down. It’s time to get out the files. And I need to spend the next two cool hours outside planting such and such. Or my Zig won’t get enough sunshine to zag!

With all of the car time I logged a larksfoot prayer shawl.It was a trial and error crochet project and I took out the first attempt. Pretty happy with the end result.

And so while Mother’s Day was sad as we missed my husband’s mom for the first year, it was enjoyable a bit spending time with my mom. But the zig zag of paying attention to which parent next continues on. My dad had a mishap and now a broken femar has him in the hospital in need for full time nursing care. Sometimes it feels like during the parent season of life one nearly gets whiplash wondering which way the attention will be drawn next.

Shared my favorite Bible verse Hebrews 12:3 with my dad and talked about Jesus suffering. It was a good visit the day that we went to see him. Also talks about cousins and the boxing gloves. Story I had never heard before. Some things he did not want to talk about. (Music for example)

The wind tipped over the wishing well twice in just two days. It made me sad to see our wishes not being met. Haha. We did get it set up later.

Such enjoyment taken during the road trips of talk time with my daughter also. I feel so frustrated that my ride to and from the city to spend the day with grandkids, I am so tired. It is hard to give our best when we are exhausted. While the road bends and turns through this journey we call life, I’ll do my best to watch the Zig zag!

Ears to Hear

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Isaiah 43:1. “Fear not, for I have redeemed you, I have called you by your name, you are mine.” This morning I woke up out of a deep hard sleep to the sound of my name. “Yvonne!” I tried to see if anyone was in the room as a fluttred open my eyes in the dark. When my eyes finally opened up, I checked my phone for the time. Seven something. early yet, but it was not my spouse who had said my name. He was already off to work. Then what? Or rather who?

Kona resting on my lap for my morning quiet time , on top of the prayer shawl from hospice that my mother in law received.

The other day for some reason, I decided to look at the notes that I took nearly 25 years ago. My thoughts have been turning to what exactly am I here for and looking at the exact purpose of my life. Of course, after having raised my children and now welcoming grand children, I still wonder that often. Is there something more that I ought to be or to do?

Through the years I have often considered that God made us human BE-ings not human do-ings, yet in our being we are to do what Jesus teaches. How does this all work? And especially as we come to the end of one life purpose like parenting or job or such, how to we transition to the time in our life where we spend more time BEING than DOING?

LISTEN: The first note card that I read has Isaiah 19:12 on it. “And after the earhquake a fire and after the fire a still small voice of God”. This story of Isaiah listening for the voice of God and finding Him not loud and large, but still and quiet. Yes, it seems the nights that I spend in sleeplessness are often filled with my audio Bible in constant play. The catalyst of suffering is often the greatest inspiration to music and other famous people. Zolton Kodaly is someone that I admired long before my daughter played one of his cello works at her senior recital. I would often just sit and let the tears flow down my cheeks while hearing the piece. While not sleeping at night might be considered a suffering, not having the Word of God to listen to would make it a worse “nightmare.” I am so thankful that I can still LISTEN during the still quiet hours of night.

CALLING: God’s calling to me and to others is to seek His face. Jeremiah 29:13 “And when you seek Me with your whole heart then you will find me.” Twenty years ago when I was writing a new piece of music I thought God was saying “this is your calling.” Like some people are called to ministry, or called to be a nurse, or doctor or the military. Yet rather for me God called me to mother my children and care for my spouse: that was my calling. Yes, I wrote some music. But much like the multiple miscarriages physically that I experienced, the music seems to be like stillborns. Not meant for anyone else to know. And now… being asked to pray for what ever the need of my children and my grand children. This I find is my calling now. And then the random home phone rings. Literally, the phone rang three times just now. Hmmm…

The completed “hearts” of the Freyja blanket. Set aside for its giving day.

NEW HEART: The sound of sonic boom that comes from my chest. I have heard this recently. One night just a week or so ago. It is almost like a thunder boom from my heart. Or like a lightening bolt through my soul. It is hard to explain. I used to be scared and sit bolt upright when this happened. Now I just lay there and say “What is it? Lord?”Deuteronomy 30:6 “ And the Lord your god will circomcise your heart and the heart of your descendants, to love the Lord your God will all your heart and with all your soul, that you may live.” That is the focus of all prayer for my people! The hearts of my descendants seemed so far into the future when I recieved this verse. Now these little people have names.

GOD WITH US: How does this Emmanuel thing work? Joshua 1:9 says to be sotrong and courageous. Were we strong in all of our moves, Minnesota for four years, Iowa for four years and now South Dakota in a modular home for 24 years. “Have not I commanded you? Be strong and of good courage: do not be afraid, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” I use to do a spiritual exercise with my family asking them where the Shephrd was leading them right now. From Psalm 23, where do you feel that you are? Are you among the rocks looking for tufts of grass? Are you resting by the still water? For us, the last six or seven months I know just where we have been. Already been through valley of the shadow of death, and God has been with us.

The little clay pitcher now used to store my ever difficult to find scissors and hook of the most recent project I am working on. “Thin Flowers” / wild things in medium tone pink and gray- very hard on my eyes. Uff dah.

EARTHEN VESSELS: The next verse from Jeremiah talks about broken bottles, or fractured jars. I need to study more about what this means but the Jeremiah 48:11-12 is the passage. Settling here in this place, the place where my husband’s dad grew up and thinking aoubt the “pouring from vessel to vessel” that we are now going through as we take care of the possessions of those before us. And the thoughts about the house and it’s cracks and things that need fixed. Moving all these things out of the way making room for the next generation of living. Also the idea of pouring our spiritual understanding into others. And my daughter just now sharing her calm and focus in the midst of little accidents with children. This broken bottles message is both physical and spiritual. Physically, we can be a repaired vessel that helps others handle the things of earth. And spiritually, we let God’s healing work in us to hlep others. “With what comfort you are comforted, therefore comfort others.”

AWAKENING: Sounding the alarm often makes us think of fire alarms or morning wake up calls. Amos 4:7-8. Thoughts through my head years earlier: “you seek rain for the land but where are your prayers for hearts softened with the tears for God. Pray for living water Do you ask for soft and cultivated hearts Pliable and moistened hearts full of compassion for the hurts of-those around you? Or is yourheart dry like the grass and hard like the ground?When God sends struggles like fire, will it burn?” This wake up call is for spiritually alive people to see that souls are more valuable than physical healings. Our focus should be on salvation of souls, not just keeping people alive here and now, but for eternity!

2 Chronicles 7:14 has been echoing through my heart for nearly a whole week now. I even learned the classical piano version of “If My People will Pray”. We have had almost an inch of rain since my prayers have focused on this verse. And I feel God is leading me to even more focus in my prayers as I dig up these old study notes from the Iowa years.

The last sound that I remember hearing was the TRUMPET. And there is so much that I see and hear about the second coming of Christ. The song that carried me through the month of February was “Come, Jesus Come.” Our Sunday sermon series on the Lord’s Prayer led me to focus on the phrase “Thy Kingdom Come.” All the implications of just those three words could take up a whole new blog writing. We must act each day as if Christ might come today, and yet we plan our lives in such a way that our descendants to Glory with us!

And so I return to the moment. The best example of “calling by name, you are mine” I an think of is the training of a dog to come at their name. Calling a dog to come on direct command is kind of fun actually. when we had Seymour and I trained him to his name. The recognition of name, eye contact and reward was so cool. And then when we had Casey and he whipped his head every time the commercial came on for Casey’s store. I said his name and he ran to me so quickly. Now if I could just respond like Mary did in the garden after the resurrection, “Rabboni, Master, Savior, Jesus!”

Tranquil Roots

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Foreground stands the tree out of the old cherry tree root that was Great Grandpa’s tree. Then the flowering crab, followed by the autumn blaze Maple that was a birthday gift to me from mom and dad. The Old Mulberry tree that no longer produces stands just north of The Old Cottonwood Tree that is over 120 years old. There is some history in these roots for sure.

Free from the troubles and turmoil of this life, we watched the peaceful home going of our dear mom. Tranquil, sweet surrender was her state of patient endurance. Peace of mind soul and body became her full joy as we entered sorrow and grief. Yes, it was our Lord’s will that she should join her love of 65 years in eternal bliss.

How do you come to grips with the pit in your stomach and your heart in your throat? Every little thing brings tears to the surface. There is no peace on earth, you think. Then comes to mind another favorite saying of your loved one lost. And again, you think, she is not lost, we know where she is! Peace in this troubled time comes from all the generous love felt through all the times shared together. The memories are now our dearest treasures.

“These things I have told you, that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble but take heart for I have overcome the world.” These words of Christ from John 16:33 have been echoing through the halls of my mind for nearly two weeks now. Trouble and suffering is not a new thing here in life. What can be new in our lives, however, is the peace that we have Jesus knowing this world is not our final dwelling place. Knowing Jesus gives us so much hope and peace it is the power that overcomes the troubled times that we face.

Sitting with is hard to do. Just being present in the here and now. My little doggie is my best lesson on with. His little fifteen pound presence is with me all day long. He rarely wants to me anywhere else. How do I translate his satisfaction in with and complete dependence on me to the spiritual lesson “Depend On God?” At difficult times in life, sitting still becomes our oft hard challenge.

Resting and sleeping much, the body goes through such a physical change using all of it’s last resources in the final days of living. Watching this process is not easy. Some find it very troublesome to spend much time with the dying. Yet, we whose loved one belongs, find it hard to tear ourselves away. Living with no regrets is the mindset of each day’s decisions. We will miss mom so much. But we do not desire her to suffer any longer. She has waited long enough to go be with dad once again.

I could develop an ulcer just sitting here. The stress of not moving and watching the help have to move our dear one from one position to another. Walking has always been such a therapy for me. I do hope this weather turns around to warmer days, so that these legs can get some real stretching in. Memories of all the walks that we took together come flooding through all jumbled up and tumbling over one another.

Walking at Tulip festival with the two little girls of mine in the wagon. Walking through the crowd at some large church anniversary doings and mom introducing me to so many people that she knows. Walking behind the family at different passed memorial services. Walking into the drug store up town and watching her greet every person in the store. Walking through the mall as we shopped for clothes for the girls before music camp. Walking up the sidewalk at camp for the annual church group outing. Walking through the cemetery to the north of us and hearing all the stores of those gone before.

The last words that a loved one utters to us are so poignant. For my dad-in-law, it was “I’m not worried about tomorrow.” For my mom-in-law, it was her sleep talking that pulled forth her deep spirit of giving and her ever present inner positive self. She had a cookie to eat that was just too crunchy for the moment, and so the conversation turned to soft cooke favorites. Like molasses cookies I suggested. She said, “The ones with “pie spice in the recipe.” Yes, I said, I think you gave that recipe to my daughter. “I will make you some tomorrow.” She stated and then fell asleep. Always giving, always generous, always thinking about others was her generous spirit.

And then there was the sleep talking words…. The phrase “It turned out to be a pretty nice day” seems so totally unfitting for one to utter on the day she takes her last car ride. Yet that was such a common phrase of mom’s weather permitting there would be some sunshine, she would always say that even if it was a particularly bad day. If the sun would shine for just a little while, it had turned out to be a pretty nice day. The day of the memorial service the weather finally relented of its below zero chill and that was the phrase that came to my mind as I got into the pickup after the earth planting service. The thought also went through my mind of all the trees they had given to us and all the roots that they had given us.

Indeed parents and family, genealogy and heritage are truly the roots that make giant trees. And in our lives mom and dad are the ones who have given us roots so deep that even the their eternal home going cannot uproot the spiritual lessons that make us stand strong together.

Psalm 1: 3, “He shall be like a tree Planted by the rivers of water, That brings forth its fruit in its season, Whose leaf also shall not wither, And whatever he does shall prosper.” Blessed are the children whose parents give them deep and lasting roots that feed their heart, soul and mind even after they have gone, the fruits of their parents labor of love shall be evident even into the next generation. Thanks mom and dad for teaching us the truth that only Living Water is found in Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior.

Senior Moments: Kona’s Journal

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From last September until now seems like a decade. But really it has only been twelve months and a few weeks since this little black lap top came into my life. One year ago I was almost embarrassed to tell anyone that I got another dog. Why? Well, because I already had two at the time and another seemed excessive.

Yet, get Kona we did. We exchanged cash for him in the Burger King parking lot, only to find out that we both had driven farther than necessary. Kona was raised by a breeder just three and a half miles from our home. Ohm, well. We were pleased. And for the first time, I did not complain about the pain of riding in the vehicle as the seats simply do not fit my small frame.

And how did we get here? To this day of small black puppy sitting quietly on the lap while I type away… Okay, he actually has to sit next to me while I type. But as long as he has a bath every two weeks or so, he is content to sit next to me. Apparently it feels really good to be clean. No videos in the archives. He is simply too fast for me to catch after his zoomees from being clean.

September 29th just a few days after we brought him home, I began the lap training. It was time to stop bringing the cat in the house for a warm little body on the legs. And that bean bag that you put in the microwave always gets cold after a little while. Yes, Kona is much more effective as a lap warmer.

The other moments are rather hard for me to catch on film. I am just not good at photography anymore. Trying to catch the “moment” usually means I’ve missed the moment that meant to be captured! So most of the time I simply don’t try.

Winter moments of frigid outdoors did not seem so awful, when I knew that there was a warm up soon. Really, my blood pressure had been so low before the puppy, that I would often shiver uncontrollably after meals. I knew that I really needed to get moving more often. The other dog (doodle nightmare) only needed out three times a day and she often did not need supervision. So getting moving with a puppy seemed better for my physical needs.

That was winter, then came the spring. Honey got really sticky and naughty and decided she simply could not abide by our commands anymore. After nearly two months of “fighting” with her, I decided I simply was not willing to be someone that I was not. She must have been better at some point? No, all of my challenges and struggles day to day were definitely her pushing me over the edge of anger. I was done.

Spring rolled into summer and life became a little less stressful with only two “good boy” dogs around. We were so amazed at the peace that could be had in our lives.

While this little guy did present a few challenging moments, we learned that there is never enough socialization to be had. He presented us with some anxious crate dog prizes and also decided to be difficult in the potty training area. Why would he simply not just tell us? Uff day! Puppies can be so stubborn sometimes.

Summer rolled right into fall, and this year without the canning frenzy, I tried to pay more attention to the black mop. We made a couple of adjustments to his feeding. We were able to move from puppy food to adult food with a little moisture added to each feeding. Constipation is an issue for a puppy that does not exercise enough to actually drink a lot. Keeping the food a little wet has helped much.

We did not celebrate his gotcha day. Charlie’s “Gotcha Day” came and went with the farewell to Honey. So I guess we had two bummer family dog days. Kona’s Gotcha Day was when dad was in the hospital and we simply did not feel like specialty moments. Life was hanging in the balance and though the dog was enjoyable, people are so much more important.

While I have more than a dozen lap photos of Kona, these four seemed to spell it out the best. Life is full of seasons. Spring, summer, fall and winter we find memories that carry us into the next one. Sometimes the seasons are short like the puppy-hood. Other times fall seems way too short and winter much too long. Spiritually speaking seasons can go on much longer than we anticipate. Finding the moments worth savoring is what matters.

I am so thankful that my desire for a little lap munchkin was also part of getting me out of the chair more often. I need to get up and walk more. Even when I take Kona with me to my daughter’s house, or over to other places, it’s his need to go out that keeps me moving. I am glad for the excuse to get walking a little more. And I am perfectly fine with the fact that a Shih Tzu dog is a senior dog. I am an Oma-grandma four times now, and I guess that makes me well suited to own a dog best fit for seniors!

Truth Time from Kona: Just the other day these two old geezers missed my cue to go potty. I mean really, the music on the TV show was much too loud. So instead of listening to my huffs and puffs, they totally ignored me. So I told them. I went back tot he bedroom, jumped up on the bed and let it loose. Really what was I supposed to do? My bladder was about to blow up like a water balloon on a brick wall. Well, they did not like that, I guess. I’m back on the tether again. I don’t mind. Maybe they will listen next time.

Never a Dull Moment: Kona’s Journal

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We recently rekindled our friendship with a couple that we spent much time with over two decades ago. Their young one has just come home from a mission trip to Africa and got engaged. Empty Nest Syndrome is real for most mothers even if the child still lives at home going to community college! Funny how after two decades visiting picks up like it never left off! You can’t make “old” friends. They come so naturally.

Keeping the home fire burning is one of the oddest things that we say of the parent that is staying home. It comes from the homestead era. Yet today, we have no reason to stoke the stove to keep the coffee kettle warm or to keep the stew pot simmering for supper. Crockpot and instant-pot are the best wonders of the new kitchen today! Yet I can honestly say that this is what I do all the time. I keep the home “fire” burning in the most relevant way possible.

Picture on the left is the Hibiscus cherry blossom chocolate for our zone, but still in the planter for another year until I decide where to put it. Center is the gladiolas that needed a tomato cage for support. I missed the pretty moment for pictures. Right is the one lily that is blooming after all this watering the same plant is in four different places in the yard.

My home “fire” is a list of “honey-do’s” that is a mile long. Right now there are about five or six major projects that need to get done fairly soon. Then there is the long term hope to get done this fall list. Along with the perhaps maybe before winter list. My honey says the list aught to be in the fire so that he can rest when he is at home. Without something to do we might get bored with each other. Haha.

Stay at home mom often means a mom that has a mini-van and runs her children all over town to their many lessons and sports events. Well on Tuesday I took full advantage of that and asked my daughter to run the dog to his grooming session while she was about with the eldest child to dance camp. Yes, I know that is probably asking too much. So I called the groomer and asked if he could be during the noon run time so that she did not have to go twice. It worked out okay. And then my daughter says, “ I met the person who does the mobile pet groom truck at church a while ago.” Ahh. Yes less trips would be good.

Constant commotion would be a difficult thing for anyone to handle if you aren’t use to it. Like my mother some twenty years past any child being at home to all of us taking turns staying with her. It was the week that two little kids and a doggie were there that she decided it was time to just sell the house and move into the assisted living facility. Sometimes peace and quiet is good. Until it becomes miserable and you just wish some excitement would happen. And then it does, and it’s the fall or something that makes your parents require more aid than you all can give.

What does a mother stand for-most if her meals because the minute she sits down something happens. Right when the pots about to boil for the noodles, the child jumps off the back of the sofa and lands on the other hiding under the cushion. Ouch! and a whole lot of commotion happens quite quickly.

Peace and quiet in a house full of preschoolers means someone is doing something they should not be doing! Yep. There is never a dull moment in home where little ones are learning their way into child hood. Sharp cries, sharp edges, sharp corners, sharp pavement, sharp knocks of all sorts need attention right away..

Just the othewhile attending to one child with a cut lip, mama looked over to see the baby in the high chair was double fisting her cereal into her mouth. She doesn’t know how to use the spoon rightly so the carrot applesauce cereal was up and down both arms, all over the face and down the front. Fourth child is pretty sure “a child could starve around here” with all these distractions from my feeding time! She was quite happy the bowl had been left on the high chair tray. What about having children is NOT messy? Even sleeping at night is rare!

I finished my “Entrelac Stitch” Shrug. It is so comfy! I had to redo the arm hole because it was a little to large. But otherwise I am pleased.

The weather has turned hot, but nothing like the high desert or Arizona. The sticky humidity is the worst. The other day I could hardly breathe outside. So I have been doing my yard work early in the day. Staying inside most of the hot part of the day. The cooling towel was pulled out of the fridge for a little bit of greenhouse work Thursday. I am trying to be very consistent with my watering. There are still a few plants that need attention so that always has me happy to plant something.

Meanwhile the AC for the house quit the other day. It has been a few years since it concerned us. So the repair man was here Friday. We had to run the air really cold just to keep the fan motor running. Afterwards I could finally turn the temperature up to a more manageable coolness. The temperature shock is too much for me. Finished the Bridge garden landscape. Only thing left is to trim off the cardboard pieces and tuck them around the plants for weed barrier. Oh, and Kona is sporting some new harness and leashes. Happy One Year Old little buddy! Kind of missed the actual birth date, but he looks good in orange and blue!

On the left, the Bridge garden in need of the trim on the cardboard yet, but looking good. And Kona sporting his new vest and leash on the right.

It’s time to move on to the next project. Not sure what exactly that is, however today we cleaned up the Butterfly garden. Now I am recovering from the weed “burn” on my arms and inside for a rest. We spend the day at our local county fair yesterday. Grand kids and all got to enjoy some bad fair food and the 4-H displays. That’s about all the news for now. We are watching the Olympics some. And I found the perfect verse in Ecclesiastes for the occasion.

Ecclesiastes 7: 8, “Better is the end of a thing than its beginning, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.” But might I add that without beginning there is no finish. And I would agree that the humble are far more enjoyable to watch than the proud.

Shadows Dispel

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“…shadows dispeling with joy I am telling, He made all the darkness depart…Heaven Came Down and Glory Filled My Soul!”

Darkness Closes In-and I wonder just how much longer. How long, O Lord? I miss so many cute little things that the kids do. Unless I sit still and literally stare at them, I don’t see there little faces that they make. I wonder so and struggle to recognize faces because I see the backs of their little heads and miss all of their other happenings.

I even miss looking at my husband’s face. I’m about to set up the table so that we have to face each other.

Becoming…. This word keeps echoing in my head and heart. As human beings we spend so much of our time “doing.” Just being is left totally he end of our days. We rarely think of what we are becoming. The other thought I have is how “becoming” was a word once used to express the beauty of the Lord’s touch upon a person. Some people are so enamored with “handsome” features that they will not look upon a lowly person or one of less stature in the becoming realm.

Once upon a time I met someone whome others thought of as less becoming than others. I remember getting to know this person and thinking how much she displayed the “character of Christ” in her life. She seemed to me the most beautiful soul that ever I had met. Yet many people would not even visit with her for her looks were not pleasant. One time I read a writer use the words “ the smile of the homely can radiate the Lord’s beauty more than the most handsome in their sour disposition.” Indeed.

Real and Truly Me… When do I feel the most authentic me that God has made me to be. Three examples are all that I have to share.

The first is when I am playing piano and it truly becomes “play.” Like when my sister tried to play some song that she worked much of her high school piano lessons to learn. Then I sat down and began playing it in it’s entirety. For the life of me I can’t recall the huymn at this moment. But the sense of who I am and who God is making me to be while I played that song completely out of no memory work or previous practice. That was ME. (I never meant it to be boastful by any means… just the nature of God enabling me to play piano.) Some will say I am gifted. Maybe.

The second example I can give is when my grand kids are searching for a moment of entertainment and I get to impart “Imagination” to them. Like the day my oldest grand daughter was so hungry she began whining for snack nearly a half hour before her mommy was ready to find one. So

Who I am… when it’s dark and I’m struggling to find the children in the room and Yolanda’s house. The sense of fear that crouches nearby to disuade me from enjoying what I hear while I struggle to see the silouette fo some child.I began imagining with her. I am so so hungry that “I am an Eagle flying over a river with no fish.” I am so hungry I am a bear with no berries on the bushes. I am so hungry I am mouse in the cupboard with no crumbs. Finally she said “I am so hungry I am a cheetah with no chips to eat.” I clapped for her. Good job! That’s much better than whining for fifteen minutes. And now mommy is ready

The third example I can give is when I am in the greenhouse planting up plants. The enjoyment that I experience is never ending. And I forget about time and all else. I could stay in the greenhouse for hours. When I don’t get my “time” in there, I soon get cranky and wonder what I am experiencing. So It’s time to get back to the escape room. Taking the dog is not an escape. I wish he would just lay down and behave himself instead of trying to get my attention by being naughty. There are days I want to just go there and forget the rest of the world even is happening.

The disgust at myself when I see one more container in the flower bed that needs to be picked up and returned to the greenhouse. Full irritation when I hit my ring finger and break a blood vessel right in the joint. Ouch. And the fear I have when I begin walking while on the phone… should I even be moving right now! And there are times when I have crashed over something while on the phone. Concentration is what it takes to move anywhere. Is this still real and truly me when I am in my full struggle mode?

When are you most your self? It might feel really hard to recognize ME unless we take a full video of some situation. It is amazing how life’s happenings color our world and our perception of self. Ask “Do others see me in the same way that I see me?” Probably not. Introspection is not the same as analytical evaluation is it?

I John 1:5 “This is the message we have heard from Him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in Him there is no darkness at all.”

Excuse Me, You’re In My Blindspot: Kona’s Journal

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“Yet it was kind of you to share my troubles.” —Phil. 4:14 ESV

T shirts with attitude sayings are not particularly my thing. But this one should be part of my wardrobe as there are so many times that I run into people without meaning to. Even today I used a more polite “excuse me” as we were out and about shopping. But the biggest issue today was my poor little doggy.

I know that I have anxiety, but today it was challenged to the point of panic driven behavior. Just afternoon about one o’clock I took the dogs out for a stroll outside to find a couple items. We walked quite a bit from building and finally after the mail. On the way back from the mailbox, Charlie put Zucchi, the cat, up the ash tree. It was sort of funny. Then we came back into the house.

I was eating my snack and drink and not paying attention to the puppy when suddenly it dawned on me that he was not nearby. Immediately I began calling his name and got no response. “Kona Come!” So anxiety kicked in and I began looking everywhere in the house for him. (So I thought.). The behind the doors, under the beds, behind the sofa and in my search I noticed the front screen door was slightly ajar. The warm-ish weather always makes the frame swell and it has to be pulled shut to latch.

My brain said, he’s not in the house, he must have slipped outside. The first few minutes outside started the “baffled” feeling. Where was Kona? To me he was lost, hung up on the short leash that I had left on him. After fifteen minutes outside, I panicked. Literally. I was a hot mess.

Lost puppy is not how I expected the day to happen. And valentine’s day at that. A few phones calls, constant searching, lots of walking. I was trying not to trip in my tear induced state. Where was my puppy? To me, he was lost.

Blind Lady Trial number 3, 429 was in full scale. How in the world could I be trusted with the care of anything? Apparently a little black puppy had done me in. I was now a complete wreck. Gavin came home with the truck and the dog in the house barked. Honey had been in the house because I had a neighbor helping me look outside and she was just in the way. Then he heard another tell tale bark.

Searching through the house, he found the little black Shih Tzu wrapped up around the chair and the piano bench legs. The leash that I had left on the collar did get stuck on something. And yes, he was wrapped up around some major sticks (of furniture). He was stuck enough not to respond to my calls.

Why had he not barked ever for me? Why had he not answered me with a bark or whine? I know he’s a quiet little puppy most of the time but this was a bit much. Perhaps he had tried to get unstuck and only made the collar tighter so that he could not bark. Obviously he had hidden there to chew on a little twig or something. But really? Excuse me puppy, but you were in my blind spot. I had even looked under the piano bench. But not under that chair as he had never gone under the chair before.

“I’m sorry you lost your puppy.” This was little Melody a few hours later when we dropped off an item or two at her house. Who had told her, we don’t know. But the tears in her eyes were as real as the tears that I had shed earlier. She wanted assurance that all of the puppies and kitties that we had were okay. Honey? She’s in the pickup with Kona. Charlie? He’s home in his hut. The kittens? They are all in their little houses. Okay. Okay!

This past evening we put an Air Tag on the dog’s collar. Yes we did the research, and decided the benefits outweigh any risk. The Air tag is in a silicone case on his collar. And it is the cheapeast piece that we could do for peace of mind. Philipians 4 has much advice for us who suffer anxiety. Verse six and verse 13 tell us to put anxious thoughts in their corret place and do things in the strength of our Lord. But I am loving verse 14 right now. “Yet it was kind of you to share our troubles.”

Well, I boiled that cup of tea a bit strong. And I did not do so well on hunting for a new harness for him either. I neglected the fact that we have to pick him up to get in and out of the truck. The harness was an H style without a chest to girth support. He has to have the X style, even if it is not the step in. Though I think he likes the step in, he’s pretty quick at “Buckle Up!” So I am back to the drawing board on a new harness. Bugger. The Step in X is the best style for smaller dogs so that they cannot excape. The one I ordered had the x over the top not under the girth. Bother.

Blind lady issues will be part of my life going forward. I have RP or retinitis pigmentosia. Loosing things is part of my life. Like the other day when I spent all day looking for my woolen homespun crocheted hat. It was on the table full of what nots! We just have to find the right tools to help me in my “trade.” One of our recent purchases was a talking thermometer. That was very helpful when I had my ear infection. Another recent purchase was the cup full meter. It beeps much like the back-up alarm on the truck. Closer. Closer okay over filled! I use it daily multiple times. And I don’t even poor my dark drink into a dark cup!

Unfortunately I can’t wear an Air Tag or a too close meter for people when I am out and about. Can you imagine the alarm going off constantly because someone is in my blind spot? The nerve of people to get close enough that my alarm might go off. Spacial awareness is not the God given gift of everyone in the world. Some of us are visually challenged. The other day while picking up the puppy and “bed” at my daughter’s house I knocked over the oldest grand child because I did not know that she was in RANGE. Oops. Much apologies later, I was back in route to my destination. Yep, I’m blind. Sorry little girly! Too close meter might not have even worked in that situation.