“…shadows dispeling with joy I am telling, He made all the darkness depart…Heaven Came Down and Glory Filled My Soul!”

Darkness Closes In-and I wonder just how much longer. How long, O Lord? I miss so many cute little things that the kids do. Unless I sit still and literally stare at them, I don’t see there little faces that they make. I wonder so and struggle to recognize faces because I see the backs of their little heads and miss all of their other happenings.

I even miss looking at my husband’s face. I’m about to set up the table so that we have to face each other.

Becoming…. This word keeps echoing in my head and heart. As human beings we spend so much of our time “doing.” Just being is left totally he end of our days. We rarely think of what we are becoming. The other thought I have is how “becoming” was a word once used to express the beauty of the Lord’s touch upon a person. Some people are so enamored with “handsome” features that they will not look upon a lowly person or one of less stature in the becoming realm.

Once upon a time I met someone whome others thought of as less becoming than others. I remember getting to know this person and thinking how much she displayed the “character of Christ” in her life. She seemed to me the most beautiful soul that ever I had met. Yet many people would not even visit with her for her looks were not pleasant. One time I read a writer use the words “ the smile of the homely can radiate the Lord’s beauty more than the most handsome in their sour disposition.” Indeed.

Real and Truly Me… When do I feel the most authentic me that God has made me to be. Three examples are all that I have to share.

The first is when I am playing piano and it truly becomes “play.” Like when my sister tried to play some song that she worked much of her high school piano lessons to learn. Then I sat down and began playing it in it’s entirety. For the life of me I can’t recall the huymn at this moment. But the sense of who I am and who God is making me to be while I played that song completely out of no memory work or previous practice. That was ME. (I never meant it to be boastful by any means… just the nature of God enabling me to play piano.) Some will say I am gifted. Maybe.

The second example I can give is when my grand kids are searching for a moment of entertainment and I get to impart “Imagination” to them. Like the day my oldest grand daughter was so hungry she began whining for snack nearly a half hour before her mommy was ready to find one. So

Who I am… when it’s dark and I’m struggling to find the children in the room and Yolanda’s house. The sense of fear that crouches nearby to disuade me from enjoying what I hear while I struggle to see the silouette fo some child.I began imagining with her. I am so so hungry that “I am an Eagle flying over a river with no fish.” I am so hungry I am a bear with no berries on the bushes. I am so hungry I am mouse in the cupboard with no crumbs. Finally she said “I am so hungry I am a cheetah with no chips to eat.” I clapped for her. Good job! That’s much better than whining for fifteen minutes. And now mommy is ready

The third example I can give is when I am in the greenhouse planting up plants. The enjoyment that I experience is never ending. And I forget about time and all else. I could stay in the greenhouse for hours. When I don’t get my “time” in there, I soon get cranky and wonder what I am experiencing. So It’s time to get back to the escape room. Taking the dog is not an escape. I wish he would just lay down and behave himself instead of trying to get my attention by being naughty. There are days I want to just go there and forget the rest of the world even is happening.

The disgust at myself when I see one more container in the flower bed that needs to be picked up and returned to the greenhouse. Full irritation when I hit my ring finger and break a blood vessel right in the joint. Ouch. And the fear I have when I begin walking while on the phone… should I even be moving right now! And there are times when I have crashed over something while on the phone. Concentration is what it takes to move anywhere. Is this still real and truly me when I am in my full struggle mode?

When are you most your self? It might feel really hard to recognize ME unless we take a full video of some situation. It is amazing how life’s happenings color our world and our perception of self. Ask “Do others see me in the same way that I see me?” Probably not. Introspection is not the same as analytical evaluation is it?

I John 1:5 “This is the message we have heard from Him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in Him there is no darkness at all.”