Tag: expectations of self

Flat On My Face

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Flat on my face is how I feel most days. The goals I set for myself rarely get accomplished. This week, I really wanted to get the plants that I picked up last Friday into new homes. That’s all. There were about 2 dozen that needed to be planted.

So on Monday I got right to my chores. I watered the existing plants places, found new homes for about nine or so and tried so hard to get after some weeds while I was at it. By four pm the bugs had won. The gnats, mosquitoes, flies and beetles were so bad that I was in an epsom salt and baking soda bath trying to recover. By midnight, I knew I was sick. The antihistamine overload gave me a regular stomach ache and I felt like I had the flu. West Nile? No, but I had to stay home from visiting the little people. I slept until nearly noon.

That evening after numerous attempts to do anything, I looked in the mirror and said, “wow-you look sunburned!” Nope, just totally ate up by bugs. The hives were up and down both arms, across my shoulders, and all over my neck. I was surviving on Benadryl once again. Something had to be done about the bugs.

So my wonderful hubby got after them. Two evenings of tanks full of garlic oil and bug-be-gone later, we can now be outside for more than fifteen minutes without getting carried away to the next township. We also put out a few fly traps. And ordered one of those bug zapper machines. Being sick was not much fun. Even two days later, I would work for fifteen minutes and pour sweat out of every gland. Then have to go lay down for an hour.

Falling from grace as a gardener means that I can’t handle the bugs or the weeds. How is one to even keep the garden looking good? By Thursday though the bugs had taken quite a dive in population. So I spend the day planting and weeding the hydrant flower garden. The Hydrant Bed had not been touched in over a month.

Little by little I began designing the “Be Glad” garden that will surround our new little statue that we named PollyAnna. That is still my most favorite of all childhood books. So it seemed most appropriate to name her that. Of course, she needs a little clean up after falling on her face.

My hubby decided to put out a sprinkler to keep the cat out of the area. And sure enough the top heavy stature fell over. I have some work to do next week to paint and seal her before she sits out in the weather for the next few years. So I am watching a lot of youtube videos again on statue care.

We named our girl on the bench “PollyAnna.” The picture I took after the plants were in the ground and the sprinkler made her topple from her place of grace.

The other set of plants that will mirror this garden will be planted behind the bridge. I hope to get them placed today. And I did! Still have to move some of the lilies from the vegetable garden.. The whole vegetable garden will get an update this fall also. A couple more boxes to grow veggies and more rock and edging to finish it and make it less weed prone.

On the left, the plants behind the bridge waiting for their lily sisters to join them. The middle picture is the front step with the blackened edges or borders painted on. And on the right, the lily in the Hydrant Garden thanking me for removing the bind weed and giving them some fertilizer and water.

So my daughter tells me that my little grand daughter had quite the spill the other evening. While sitting in the potty before bed time child number three fell flat in her face on the floor. Mama was in the room and did not catch her. But mother giggles are some times hard to hold back. . Because mommy thought it was funny the little girl did not cry. She is just such a little clumsy but oh so curious and courageous. We all love her sweet nature and love of all things little like animals and such. One day she was pretending that her little hands were holding a baby hedgehog at the noon meal. It was a grape. “Sheh, “ she said, “You’re scaring my hedgehog!”

I hope that’s the end of the “face plants” for the week. I really don’t want to experience it myself. So I am glad to have the black line painted on my steps edges to define them better. My sister was the first to put blackened edges on the top and bottom step. Of course it does not help at night, but during the bright daytime house it is amazingly helpful.

The best Bible story I can think of is when the Philistines took the Ark of the Covenant and placed it in the temple of thegod Dagon. The man made idol fell on it’s face day after day until the head actually fell off. I Samuel chapter five tells the story if you’d like to read it. The point of the whole story is that God is real and man’s imagination is God given and no image can bear the presence of the awesome Creator of the world. I thank God that my little PollyAnna is just a cement replica and only a type of an Ebenezer stone to remind me of the “Be Glad” game. Being Glad that God has given us so many things to remind us of the One who is the Beginning and The End. Alpha and Omega.

Rock collections

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Every little girl / collects rocks and pony tails / ribbons and lace to tie up her curls / She remembers the very place / where she found each stone or lace / and her memory is sharp and clear…. How do we grow / from the child of long ago / to an age of wisdom and grey hair? / Will the pleasures of our youth / and the joy of each stone / whet the mind and keep us sharp in our chair?…. Every little girl / grows up to collect new stones / the value of to whom it is beheld / whether glass objects, fabric swatches, plants or recipes / She finds her treasures an like her toys she wants to share…How do we grow / from the child of long ago / to an age of wisdom and grey hair? / Will the pleasures of our youth / and the joy of each stone / whet the mind and keep us sharp in our chair?… Every little girl / leaves her collection some day / to those whom it’s value does not share / She will one day walk away / from the gemstones of childhood play / to look for shells on sandy distant shores… How do we grow / from the child of long ago / to an age of great wisdom with grey hair? / Will the treasures of our youth / and the joy of each gemstone / whet the mind and keep the memory clear?

Today while I was thinking about my mother, some thoughts came to mind about my grand daughter. She has this little rock collection that she wanted to show me one day a month or two ago. It was so interesting to hear her tell about each little stone and where she had found each gem. Of course the rocks looked pretty much the same to me, but she knew each one by size and location of their find.

Then my mind went to my sister’s rock collection. Hers are a little bigger. Like really big… They need a skidster or tractor to move. She cannot put them into a little black back and show them off to a visitor. No, she planted them in her yard and build a garden around them. I have some rocks on my acreage like that also. But each one here was found by some piece of equipment out in the field while my father-in law or his dad were faming! He does not like my rock garden idea. I do not like piles that are full of weeds or trees.

Then my mind drifted back to all of my mother’s collections. The many multiples of silverware sets, the five days of packing up china and glass were all apart of her “every girl’s rock collection.” Just like some little girls small black bag of gemstones, did we find value in her treasures? Each piece holds some dear memory for her.

It all falls into the “beholder” value. Which mother would deliberately throw away her seven year olds rock collection? How could anyone simply throw away the many collections of their mother?

I remember when my children had their strongest value stolen from them. We had gone on a zoo trip with the family. After leaving the hotel where we stayed, it became apparent that their blankets had been stolen from the room as we were packing up to go. The blankets were folded and placed on the bed ready to carry out. Both dad and mom had thought the other person grabbed the blankets. Later after many phone calls we remembered a hotel cleaning staff member entering the room before we left. In the guise of “spending” tip money on books about “angel” she had been very convincing. But in her arms she had collected some towels, the blankets, and sheets in her arms. She stole the blankets right from under our noses!

The blankets were very valued by us as a family. The blanket for my eldest daughter was made by an elderly women from church. She had embroidered each of the teddy bears with exquisite detail. The blanket of my second daughter was made by my maid of honor. Also lots of embroidery work So sad. We were hurt and could not replace the items at all.

This experience taught us to value things differently. Christmas gifts and other items long hoped for became prized possessions. It was always hard to watch their cousins lack of care for some item that the girls had on their wish list for a long time. It never failed that someone else got it before them and then did not take care of the item or appreciate it. It was always a blessing to see the girls take good care of all of their toys and such.

Marie Kondo asks the question “Does this item bring me joy?” While cleaning out some closet. I don’t think that is the right question for what we keep in life. Maybe the question should be, “Does keeping this item bring glory to God? Or would giving it away be better?” Another way to ask the question is: Do I give glory to God in the keeping or giving of this thing: If the meaning of life is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever… how does this translate into my every day existence?

Every girl has a rock collection that will one day need to be discarded. I wondered at the five days of packing up china and glass items. Until I had a friend come over to care for my greenhouse and she said, “What are you doing with all these geraniums?” Yes, we all have collections that border on the stupid. Like the recent dog rescue that I saw where some puppy mill had 241 dogs that needed fostering, medications, haircuts, and proper nutrition. That is not a good collections. We all get caught in our “too muchness” at some point in our lives. For some people it is their eating habit. For others it’s homes and vehicles. For me it was plants.

How can I bring glory to God by enjoying the work of my hands and glorify God in my work? Am I busy turning my earthly treasures into eternal crowns? Maybe this is all a little to deep for today. Can you tell that this is a book review? (John Piper: Don’t Waste Your Life)

Every little girl has her rock collection. What’s yours?

Shadows Dispel

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“…shadows dispeling with joy I am telling, He made all the darkness depart…Heaven Came Down and Glory Filled My Soul!”

Darkness Closes In-and I wonder just how much longer. How long, O Lord? I miss so many cute little things that the kids do. Unless I sit still and literally stare at them, I don’t see there little faces that they make. I wonder so and struggle to recognize faces because I see the backs of their little heads and miss all of their other happenings.

I even miss looking at my husband’s face. I’m about to set up the table so that we have to face each other.

Becoming…. This word keeps echoing in my head and heart. As human beings we spend so much of our time “doing.” Just being is left totally he end of our days. We rarely think of what we are becoming. The other thought I have is how “becoming” was a word once used to express the beauty of the Lord’s touch upon a person. Some people are so enamored with “handsome” features that they will not look upon a lowly person or one of less stature in the becoming realm.

Once upon a time I met someone whome others thought of as less becoming than others. I remember getting to know this person and thinking how much she displayed the “character of Christ” in her life. She seemed to me the most beautiful soul that ever I had met. Yet many people would not even visit with her for her looks were not pleasant. One time I read a writer use the words “ the smile of the homely can radiate the Lord’s beauty more than the most handsome in their sour disposition.” Indeed.

Real and Truly Me… When do I feel the most authentic me that God has made me to be. Three examples are all that I have to share.

The first is when I am playing piano and it truly becomes “play.” Like when my sister tried to play some song that she worked much of her high school piano lessons to learn. Then I sat down and began playing it in it’s entirety. For the life of me I can’t recall the huymn at this moment. But the sense of who I am and who God is making me to be while I played that song completely out of no memory work or previous practice. That was ME. (I never meant it to be boastful by any means… just the nature of God enabling me to play piano.) Some will say I am gifted. Maybe.

The second example I can give is when my grand kids are searching for a moment of entertainment and I get to impart “Imagination” to them. Like the day my oldest grand daughter was so hungry she began whining for snack nearly a half hour before her mommy was ready to find one. So

Who I am… when it’s dark and I’m struggling to find the children in the room and Yolanda’s house. The sense of fear that crouches nearby to disuade me from enjoying what I hear while I struggle to see the silouette fo some child.I began imagining with her. I am so so hungry that “I am an Eagle flying over a river with no fish.” I am so hungry I am a bear with no berries on the bushes. I am so hungry I am mouse in the cupboard with no crumbs. Finally she said “I am so hungry I am a cheetah with no chips to eat.” I clapped for her. Good job! That’s much better than whining for fifteen minutes. And now mommy is ready

The third example I can give is when I am in the greenhouse planting up plants. The enjoyment that I experience is never ending. And I forget about time and all else. I could stay in the greenhouse for hours. When I don’t get my “time” in there, I soon get cranky and wonder what I am experiencing. So It’s time to get back to the escape room. Taking the dog is not an escape. I wish he would just lay down and behave himself instead of trying to get my attention by being naughty. There are days I want to just go there and forget the rest of the world even is happening.

The disgust at myself when I see one more container in the flower bed that needs to be picked up and returned to the greenhouse. Full irritation when I hit my ring finger and break a blood vessel right in the joint. Ouch. And the fear I have when I begin walking while on the phone… should I even be moving right now! And there are times when I have crashed over something while on the phone. Concentration is what it takes to move anywhere. Is this still real and truly me when I am in my full struggle mode?

When are you most your self? It might feel really hard to recognize ME unless we take a full video of some situation. It is amazing how life’s happenings color our world and our perception of self. Ask “Do others see me in the same way that I see me?” Probably not. Introspection is not the same as analytical evaluation is it?

I John 1:5 “This is the message we have heard from Him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in Him there is no darkness at all.”

Surrender

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Proverbs 17:1 “Better is a dry morsel with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting with anguish and strife.”

Surrender. A word one often associates with unique circumstances. Surrender your will. Surrender your hopes and dreams. Surrender your dog. Something I never thought that I would do.

The past month my life felt like anguish and strife constantly. Peace had so far eluded me that even night time was a battle for sleep. It took me over six weeks to discover the true problem.

The source of strife can be so elusive sometimes. She wanders away just when you think peace and enjoyment is about to be yours, strife strikes once again. The amount of strength and energy that it requires to strive after this constant battle is exhausting.

About a month ago, our Honey Doodle started to be bored and listless. She took the energy out of me just looking at her. Finally on Saturday morning the rope snapped. She had left me to do my watering and ran off to roll in something dead once again. My energy level was already zapped by allergies and asthma from the morning dew. I had just finished a phone call with my daughter. In my duty I reached to grab the frisbee and toss it for an attentive dog, only to smell that horrible stench. I snapped.

After about five minutes of being controlled by my anger, I collected Kona from his “little horse trailer” outdoor crate, and went into the house. My first call was my husband. I let him know what happened, that I had snapped, and that I was officially DONE.

My second call was to my sister to help get me down out of my anger volcano. The lava was everywhere. There was no turning back. I had spent six years trying to be a “strong” personality with this doodle dog and I could no longer do it. Being strong voiced, commanding and boisterous is not WHO I am. My energy level is minimal. I can not run six miles every day with a golden doodle. And that is what she needs.

Even throwing the frisbee for twenty minutes three times a day was not enough. She required more than I can give. My thought process included wondering if I could take care of Kona in the next ten years. I had not even been thinking that Honey was the source of my energy drain.

This morning when I heard the preacher on the radio talking about this Proverb, I was amazed at it’s timing. Does God really care that my dog and I did not get along? Does God know how sorry I really am that she was not the right fit for me and my anger was so easily roused by her every behavior?

I read the book last year about “Dog Mirrors” and how Honey was just being the mirror of my inner turmoil. Honestly there are some ways that may be true. Like my anxiety when going outdoors has been rather high this past two months. The allergies and asthma that drain my energy make me constantly wonder if the asthma will let me get back to the house before “black out” time. Well, I know she read anxiety as “anxious activity” and became more agitated and moved more herself.

Like when it was time to go somewhere and I was looking for my things, she would jump up and get RIGHT in the way. Her movements would always be just a few steps in from of me making me more and more agitated because she would block my way, block my view, or keep me from finding my shoes. It was SO NOT HELPFUL. And always made me more aggravated and I could never get her to STAY in one spot until I was ready.

Here’s a note if you are ever around a visual impaired person-Stop moving around all the time. If you can’t sit still to carry a conversation, don’t be friends with a peripherally challenged individual. I knew a gal one time that wanted to be helpful to me, but whenever we were together she behaved just like Honey. Always moving and I could never decipher where she was going to sit next. Rather than sitting in one chair and visiting, it’s like she was a honey bee checking the nectar level of every chair in my living room. I did not invite her back into my life.

So now that the dry morsel is peaceful to eat… shall we move on?

Surrendering my dog was not something I ever had in mind when I got that dog. But I am not the right fit. She is too exuberant in her greetings to strangers and I have NO CONTROL over her bad manners when people come to visit. Of course I haven’t much control over Charlie either, but he does not zoom around like his pants are on fire when someone comes to the acreage either. And he is very treat motivated. Cookies work to get him to come to me.

This week should be much more peaceful. As soon as I get to the chiropractor to fix all the things out in my back and shoulders from her bad behavior Saturday morning.

Kona looking out the window the day after

When I left her on Saturday, I felt like some great weight had been lifted from my back. We will have a few things to adjust to in the house or outside, but already I prefer the quieter life.

My Broken Glass

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The other morning my return home greeting was dropping a small juice glass in my farm sink. Yep, it broke. Broken glass is not so bad to clean up when it is contained. I was careful in my search for all of the pieces and put them into the bottom of the still intact vintage glass. No cut fingers for me.

And today I feel much like that glass. Broken and useless. The message I heard on the radio was about spiritual warfare. How appropriate I think for how I feel. We have finally had some seasonal rain and now all the trees are budding and the grass and weeds are in full growth mode. My allergies took a nose dive into the tissue box and my head is in so much pain. Honey did not wake me up for my asthma need this morning, so I slept in until past nine.

“—A threefold cord is not quickly broken.” —Ecclesiastes 4:8b (ESV) The fourth chapter of Ecclesiastes has a lot of little nuggets in it. This is one of my favorite. In the passage, the wisdom is for people to work together in unity. Two people pulling in opposite directions are only striving after the wind. One person cannot stay warm on cold nights without an electric blanket. Two are better than one to defeat an assailant. So many little treasures of advice.

The last two Sundays I was blessed to go to church with my mother. The first week there was a missionary and the second week there were two baptisms. This same week a friend of ours shared a video of a testimony from another church in the same community. Seeing the Holy Spirit working in others lives is so uplifting. Staying the week with my mom and sister and her two little ones was more work than I thought it would be. By the end of the week though my old habit of not being able to fall asleep returned.

The first night there we let Kona sleep on the bed with us. Not very restful considering he has never done that before. In the early dawn hours, he woke up forgetting where he was. His frightful bark and the big fat tears in his eyes told me he had been very scared. I snuggled him into bed with me and he settled back down. The rest of the week he slept in his crate like ususal. Sleeping with dog on bed is not my preferred pet method. We both need the complete night of rest to be able to put up with each other all day.

Kona struggled with kid magnetics the first few days together with my little nieces. By the second day they had learned to co-exist and him not be so attracted to their every movement. By the fourth day a real rhythm had been set and he was learning to cue some things. His alerts at first were a little loud. He finally decided it was okay to inside bark that the baby was awake. He also cued some of the alarms around the house. The best was the “importance” of my mom’s pill minder. The last day he decided to walk outside with my mother. She just picked up the leash and took him with. Hmmm-I though she did not like dogs. And he also began noticing if the door did not shut all the way. That was helpful also. Pocket full of treats kept him very busy trying to earn a treat!

Meanwhile, my dad’s world had some bad news the past week. It was really hard to hear such sad happenings. But the day I called to take care of the flowers, he had had such a rough day. It was a blessing to keep in touch with him and hear him reciprocate my “I love you dad.” He has only told me he loves me a hand full of times. I think it meant much to him that I reached out even though I was at my mom’s for the week.

Returning home was “fruit basket upset” for me. I felt bad for not being happy to be home. The moving about and putting everything back in its place gets me pretty frustrated. My eyes just don’t always see what I think should be there. I took a detox bath, but it really did not help much. It wasn’t close enough to bed time to actually work.

The cutest event of the week was when the little girls were getting ready for bed one evening. My sister was making the bottle, and I was trying to “settle” them instead of wind them up. So I sang a silly song about the sun going to bed and so shall I. I taught them the actions of the sun coming up and traveling across the sky until it hit the floor again, then laid down to fall asleep. The third time the girls had the actions down and even Kona layed down on the floor to fall asleep for pretend. It was so cute watching them all interact so sweetly.

When it’s my time to go, I wonder how I will behave. Watching our elderly parents prepare for “the day” is hard. Some get listless and empty, letting go of the daily duties with quite a struggle. Getting them to understand that food is their first need and let someone else do the food preparations, can be such a battle. Others will not allow a hired help to come clean the house just for “privacy” sake or something.

I know it was hard for me to let go of the green house chores for the week and trust others to water, rotate, and watch care. Each sibling handles letting go of the parents differently also. Some just let go before it’s time to even relinquish their elder to this earthly suffering so that they do not have to watch the falling season. Some hang on so hard they won’t let anyone else take certain “cares” on because they have to have some control. In the end, the broken glass just goes when it’s God’s timing. We never really know when the glass will slip out of our hands and the pieces will be left to discard. We don’t even know what pieces we will be left with. God give me the grace to handle each broken glass with care.

Bowing Their Heads

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I Chronicle 29:20 “then David said to the assembly, ‘Bless the Lord your God’ and all the assembly blessed the Lord, the God of their fathers, and bowed their heads and paid homage to the Lord God, and their king.”

The other day we came home from our day away, and my dear hubby pointed out these poor little flowers. Take a look at the yellow daffodils in the butterfly garden bed. We planted the bulbs two years ago along the edge of the wings. And this year the weather was so warm the first few weeks of March, that the green shoots came forth. Like some long awaited resurrection day, I thought it was so appropriate that they bloomed the day after Easter.

Bowing their heads to pay homage to the creator, the little blooms seemed to declare, “Oh Lord God thank you for this splendid day. Thank you for giving us air to breathe. Thank you for the warm soil, the cold wind, the moisture in rain and snow. Thank You Lord.” Really now, how could I blame them for choosing such a cold and windy day for bursting forth in color and song to the Great Creator!

Not many days ago I heard a message about being on resurrection ground. Rather than looking at the cemetery as a place where the dead are buried, we should consider the fact that there are many brothers and sisters there waiting to be resurrected. Thus we are standing on resurrection ground. It gave me a whole new thought about being out there placing flowers every spring.

How does this translate into my daily duties? Laundry, cleaning floors, dishes, and house up keep is so very tedious and not fun for me. Yesterday I tried to listen to Rich Mullins music while working only to get irritable and turn off the music. There I times that I think about the days that the music bubbled up inside of me like a spring. And sometimes like Old Faithful it would come gushing forth. I just could not stop the new song from happening. I too am a poet and song writer. The words and music just come. But when there is no outlet, no one to share it with, it begins to die off. Like a fruit tree that never gets pruned, eventually the weight of the fruit breaks the branches and opens the tree up for disease and then it dies.

That’s how I feel. Like a broken down tree over laden with rotting fruit on the ground all around me. The trees bow their heads in the strong winds. Perhaps it’s time to be uprooted once again and planted anew by the springs of living water.

Today is pack up and clean up and final preparations for being gone from home for the next week. So yes, I feel like an uprooted plant. All out of the normal. My greenhouse duties are so pleasant for me. I simply did not want to leave. I actually took a couple of phone calls while in the dome. Back at the house the laundry is moved and the body nourished. I just wish I had the energy that I use to have. Packing for the week might be a laundry basket full of clothes instead of a suitcase. It’s easier.

Excuse Me, You’re In My Blindspot: Kona’s Journal

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“Yet it was kind of you to share my troubles.” —Phil. 4:14 ESV

T shirts with attitude sayings are not particularly my thing. But this one should be part of my wardrobe as there are so many times that I run into people without meaning to. Even today I used a more polite “excuse me” as we were out and about shopping. But the biggest issue today was my poor little doggy.

I know that I have anxiety, but today it was challenged to the point of panic driven behavior. Just afternoon about one o’clock I took the dogs out for a stroll outside to find a couple items. We walked quite a bit from building and finally after the mail. On the way back from the mailbox, Charlie put Zucchi, the cat, up the ash tree. It was sort of funny. Then we came back into the house.

I was eating my snack and drink and not paying attention to the puppy when suddenly it dawned on me that he was not nearby. Immediately I began calling his name and got no response. “Kona Come!” So anxiety kicked in and I began looking everywhere in the house for him. (So I thought.). The behind the doors, under the beds, behind the sofa and in my search I noticed the front screen door was slightly ajar. The warm-ish weather always makes the frame swell and it has to be pulled shut to latch.

My brain said, he’s not in the house, he must have slipped outside. The first few minutes outside started the “baffled” feeling. Where was Kona? To me he was lost, hung up on the short leash that I had left on him. After fifteen minutes outside, I panicked. Literally. I was a hot mess.

Lost puppy is not how I expected the day to happen. And valentine’s day at that. A few phones calls, constant searching, lots of walking. I was trying not to trip in my tear induced state. Where was my puppy? To me, he was lost.

Blind Lady Trial number 3, 429 was in full scale. How in the world could I be trusted with the care of anything? Apparently a little black puppy had done me in. I was now a complete wreck. Gavin came home with the truck and the dog in the house barked. Honey had been in the house because I had a neighbor helping me look outside and she was just in the way. Then he heard another tell tale bark.

Searching through the house, he found the little black Shih Tzu wrapped up around the chair and the piano bench legs. The leash that I had left on the collar did get stuck on something. And yes, he was wrapped up around some major sticks (of furniture). He was stuck enough not to respond to my calls.

Why had he not barked ever for me? Why had he not answered me with a bark or whine? I know he’s a quiet little puppy most of the time but this was a bit much. Perhaps he had tried to get unstuck and only made the collar tighter so that he could not bark. Obviously he had hidden there to chew on a little twig or something. But really? Excuse me puppy, but you were in my blind spot. I had even looked under the piano bench. But not under that chair as he had never gone under the chair before.

“I’m sorry you lost your puppy.” This was little Melody a few hours later when we dropped off an item or two at her house. Who had told her, we don’t know. But the tears in her eyes were as real as the tears that I had shed earlier. She wanted assurance that all of the puppies and kitties that we had were okay. Honey? She’s in the pickup with Kona. Charlie? He’s home in his hut. The kittens? They are all in their little houses. Okay. Okay!

This past evening we put an Air Tag on the dog’s collar. Yes we did the research, and decided the benefits outweigh any risk. The Air tag is in a silicone case on his collar. And it is the cheapeast piece that we could do for peace of mind. Philipians 4 has much advice for us who suffer anxiety. Verse six and verse 13 tell us to put anxious thoughts in their corret place and do things in the strength of our Lord. But I am loving verse 14 right now. “Yet it was kind of you to share our troubles.”

Well, I boiled that cup of tea a bit strong. And I did not do so well on hunting for a new harness for him either. I neglected the fact that we have to pick him up to get in and out of the truck. The harness was an H style without a chest to girth support. He has to have the X style, even if it is not the step in. Though I think he likes the step in, he’s pretty quick at “Buckle Up!” So I am back to the drawing board on a new harness. Bugger. The Step in X is the best style for smaller dogs so that they cannot excape. The one I ordered had the x over the top not under the girth. Bother.

Blind lady issues will be part of my life going forward. I have RP or retinitis pigmentosia. Loosing things is part of my life. Like the other day when I spent all day looking for my woolen homespun crocheted hat. It was on the table full of what nots! We just have to find the right tools to help me in my “trade.” One of our recent purchases was a talking thermometer. That was very helpful when I had my ear infection. Another recent purchase was the cup full meter. It beeps much like the back-up alarm on the truck. Closer. Closer okay over filled! I use it daily multiple times. And I don’t even poor my dark drink into a dark cup!

Unfortunately I can’t wear an Air Tag or a too close meter for people when I am out and about. Can you imagine the alarm going off constantly because someone is in my blind spot? The nerve of people to get close enough that my alarm might go off. Spacial awareness is not the God given gift of everyone in the world. Some of us are visually challenged. The other day while picking up the puppy and “bed” at my daughter’s house I knocked over the oldest grand child because I did not know that she was in RANGE. Oops. Much apologies later, I was back in route to my destination. Yep, I’m blind. Sorry little girly! Too close meter might not have even worked in that situation.

Winter Greenhouse Update Feb. ‘24

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It has been a very long time since I have done an update that is concentrated on one topic. My life is full and though I might find it hard to be content, there is one building on my farm that I can go to and loose myself. Literally. I just never really want to leave once I get down to my little dome greenhouse. Yes for Greenfield Greenhouse! I am very thankful. Note the little tree outside the door is one that the birds lanted at my daughter’s house a couple years ago. It’s been in that pot for a whole year now.

Geranium count is well over 300. The babies are at over 144 as the trays hold eighteen each. I counted around 84 plants that belong to someone as the greenhouse host program. These host plants are all tagged and will return to the owners over the summer. I am so grateful for the cuttings that I have received. This is truly how I can justify keeping the heat on in the greenhouse. As the cuttings that I take are my “cash crop.”

The snow and ice cap from “father Winter” was perfect for that cold snap last month. It truly does insulate the greenhouse from the bitter cold. I’m sure the melt is hard on the building. But It kept the building at a very steady fifty degrees Fahrenheit. The ice over the front door was rough, but Gavin got it thawed out with a heat gun. Then the little fan on the floor has kept it from refreezing shut.

Vents are opened up now. With these forty degrees days it has reached the mid 80’s. Which by the way is perfect growing weather. The humidity also stays really steady during the night and early morning hours. I am also so grateful for my remote WiFi thermometer. It has really helped my peace of mind during the cold days of winter.

So the pathway is starting to close in. There are thirteen large five gallon size geraniums around the horse shoe middle bed. While I cut them all back in the fall to get them into the greenhouse, they still take up a lot of space. These cuttings are how i get all those geranium babies!

The two pictures on the right below are a bit of the process. In the fall I put the cuttings directly into dry growing mix. The rectangular containers (or oval) work the best as the soil is just deep enough to encourage root growth. For two or three weeks all they get is some misting water. The tank is the best place for this delicate propagation station. The air is steady and the humidity constant because of the 1000 gallon water tank. The water tank acts as a heat battery, warming the greenhouse at night and cooling it during the day. And the temperature stays very stable in this central location. The dappled sunlight is also ideal. Each year it seems that I throw less and less rotted cuttings away.

I use to keep only two or three Bostons Ferns over the tank. This picture on the lesft shows the browning fern.. But since the price of the plants have gone up (anywhere from 30 to 45 dollars for this size seen here) I now have eight ferns total in the greenhouse. Three of them came from other people but as ususal the care that a plant gets prior to arrival shows up pretty fast once in the growing dome. Two of them look pretty sad. This one is a little too close to our heat source. So it’s time to rotate them all.

Movie list continues with watching “midnight in Paris.” Does it not seem like always that 20 or 30 years ago was the golden age rather than the present that we’re living in? And yes the movie is a fall apart romance that ends with another one beginning. There are so many lessons to grasp from the wanna-be-writer. It will be enteresting to see these lessons of life come out in my book about Cocoa.

While I’m busy writing about Cocoa in the past, I will focus on living now. Trying to remember the funny things that my husband says is one of my new goals for the year. For the life of me, my brain just does not work that way. I struggle with remember the “Gavin-isms.”

February is the second month of the year. I finally got my chapter two of Ecclesiastes read and found a gem of a verse towards the end. My cousin’s son in physical rehabilitation after his colon surgery has been on my mind so much. Surely, it is true that without God who can even eat? Finding enjoyment in food is also another one of my goals for the new year. I am simply not a foodie. Ecclesiastes two verse 24-25: “there is nothing better for a person to do than that. He should eat drink and find enjoyment in his toil. This also, I saw is from the hand of God, for apart from God who can eat or have enjoyment.” ESV

Epilogue: yes I have been distracted again. Finally got my edits done. I employed my hubby the other day to help me with some seed planting. He got to see how very tiny those petunia seeds are. I only planted six cool whip tubs. They supply me, and a few others. Also finally planted some geranium seeds. This is a first for me. The cuttings have worked so well and are such little “work” that I have neglected to do seeds as the mosture control can be tricky. I’ll let you know!

Kona Weak 18: Kona’s Journal

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The cone of shame has arrived. The day before Ground Hog Day 2024 and we are treating our puppy to some chicken noodle soup for dogs. Well, okay, just putting his kibbles in some water so that he will rink something. They say it’s the hardest part of surgery recovery.

Tonight we started the must see movies for “would be writers.” The first on the list was “The Words.” I recommend it for even the novice reader! The idea that life can be either fiction or nonfiction and that it is what we make it our to be….

Today while Kona was away I spent the day cleaning up the house. First I finished my editing on the introduction to Cocoa’s Tale. I am so excited about finding Cocoa’s voice in my mind. Cleaning and writing and planning writing don’t seem to match what poor Kona was experiencing at the knife of the surgeon. Nevertheless the day was passed in such quick order.

The Fresh air day of windows open and smell of spring in the air is quite not right for the first day of February. But the thoughts of spring kept me reverting to the love that Cocoa had for Young Grass. Ahh, that will be a few months away for sure!

Return to roots happened once again for me when my sister began talking about the BAD apple cake that went moldy back when we were growing up. And of course, no one is allowed to forget it. We all remember. Mother is the only one that will still make an apple cake and then eat it. I won’t even put apple sauce in my muffins! Cocoa loved his apples. I remember how he wanted me to hold it so that he could eat around the core. Just keep turning it, he seemed to say, you know those seeds are not good for any living thing.

Attempt at nothing for the past week turned out to be pretty productive. My ear infection is finally responding to the medicine and I am feeling better. Thank goodness, because now Kona will need to have more of my attention. Though I think it will be more to the two hour schedule that we had earlier in his puppyhood.

As usual, I have another meanwhile to insert…. This past month I had the joy of renewing some connections with people from our first Home away from home in Minnesota. That was so special to hear from my good “old” friends. Makes me think of Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton’s somg “You Can’t Make Old Friends.”

And then the night…. That was rough. Kona would not sleep in his crate. He just whined the whole time in there. So I took him to the sofa so that Gavin and Honey could get some sleep. And every twenty seconds it seemed he tried to get away from his ouchie. Uff dah.

This morning we have been outings but not much success. Water has been sucked down a few times and he ate a soggy soup breakfast. We watched a horse movie to help me get in the “mood” for writing about Coco, the only thing that helped was the waterworks. Tears. Yep. Movie “A Sunday Horse” is the dream of a miracle horse, rider, and the jumping show business. In the end the horse lives 25 years and has to be let go. Of course, nothing lasts forever here on this earth.

Then I got the vision of Charlie and Honey being the Ken and Dolly of our farm. Oh, my. Charlie is always “bark” asking if Honey can come out to play. Today is is wet, misty, on the verge of raining. Not the best weather for the second day of February. So here goes for six more weeks until spring. Or six more weeks of winter, you decide.

(The Truth-by Gavin…. I took Kona away from his lady on Thursday and then picked him up at the vet around 3 pm. The look on the little guys face was death daggers and kill you! The next 24 hours proved the neither of them could live without me. After a completely sleepless night, She told me to come with solutions or don’t come home at all. WOW! And I thought we all loved each other. So I came home with some drugs for dogs and a reprieve for my poor wife. Just saying those melatonin chamomile chews for the dog worked great. And she’ll never know that the oatmeal cookies I made for her are full of vallium. Okay I might be kidding about that one. Calming treats do work though. Love you dear!)