Age Old Sayings

Finding much comfort in the old hymns and old sayings as we consider the comfort of our dear loved ones in the hospital this week. The wisdom of the aged is sometimes questionable. Why do they do such silly things and cause such neglect to their bodies needs? Once a pattern is set in the brain, it cannot be reversed. The hymn for today is “I’m A Pilgrim And I’m A Stranger.” Pretty sure that I have never heard this one before in my life. I also heard about a new singing artist that has taken over the workout music industry. Sometimes I wonder where have I been?

A couple of these old sayings are as follows: too much of any thing good or bad is simply too much, eat smaller portions and soon you won’t be eating enough to keep a bird alive, don’t worry about what most people think-most people are thinking about themselves, and keeping company with the wrong company can make anyone a rotten apple. Most of these sayings have some origin that most of us don’t know. The origin of the next old saying is a nursery rhyme might as well have come from the story of Micah or Habakuk, I’ll have to read up.

Remember the Pumpkin Shell nursery rhyme? There are times I wonder that the un-named princess of little Peter is me. Perhaps my honey dearest could not keep me without building a “shell” to keep me in. I imagine the creatures being little mice and how well they did eat that first while. What happened when the shell begins to rot? Oh, never mind. Maybe the critters are the little black squirrel who helped himself to the pumpkin on my daughter’s from deck last fall. What a mess he made!

“In the shade of the old oak tree…” The song tells the story of the oak cross beam that holds a church bell. How the tree was a comfort for soldiers long ago, and then witnessed the bloody battle. And finally succumbed to the lumberjack’s saw. On the southern edge of our driveway I planted a row of walnut trees. The trees have been kept trimmed regularly to allow a mower beneath them. The one third method of branching was done for quite some time to make the trunk nice and straight. The squirrels have been ever so busy this fall. I no longer have a squirrel hunter. We will.have to sweep up the mess and burn all of the casings as it is quite treacherous to walk down there.

One hundread and forty years ago our acreage was first homesteaded by relatives in the journey to the new land. The story of one’s ancient pilgrims is always a fascinating history lesson for willing ears. I did take the time to have my children interview their great grandmother on my dad’s side during their growing up years. She was the oldest living relative at the time. It is hard to comprehend that now our parents are such. It is time for some more interviews for sure.

A time of one century, two score and four years ago…our forefather settled this land and planted a cottonwood tree.Near to the sod house where the dishwater was poured out next to the little sapling. I can imagine every day as the dishes were done the pale was carried out and the little sapling was watered. Then ten years later another bare root was planted near to the second little building that later burned down. And in another ten years the more permanent building was built with it’s little attic sleeping loft. When one says living history, they do not look at these two old trees, do they?

About five years ago we went down to the creek bottom and dug up some fifty cottonwood saplings. I found out how hard it was to keep them alive. Only one tree survived. It is planted straight south of our house as the crow flies. I took buckets of water to it the first year. Then I put a plastic sleeve around the base to protect it. This year it has outgrown the sleeve and I took it off. The trunk has a slight bend were the wind tried to break it three years ago, but otherwise it looks healthy.

Dawn is slow this morning. A thunderstorm covers the grey sky. It threatens me with thunder and lightening. Yet never seems to release it’s tears to wash away the dusty surface. If only it could really rain. We did have some the other day and my goodness but the flowers looked happy. Even the grass was a little green for an hour or two.

I have not been down to Cocoa’s tree much this summer. The deer found it last fall, but the roots were healthy and new branches came out this summer. I put an Irish spring soap bar on a string around one limb. I think that saved it from any more deer threat. I have some bushes and another tree to plant in the area along with a contemplation rock that I really like. We have not placed any of these items. One of these days the heat won’t threaten to kill every green thing anymore and we can plant some more down there before winter.

Placing any tree or bush is takes a lot of thought these days. Getting water to the little struggling life is key. And sometimes I just get tired of carrying water to everything. We have tried auto waters two or three times and invariably the hose breaks or the joint or the connecter or something and we loose 10,000 gallons into the ground in a real hurry! I just don’t trust them anymore.

Psalm chapter one talks about the tree planted by springs of living water. “Blessed is the man who … delights in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night…He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers.“. In the passage it talks about walking, standing, and sitting NOT: with wicked counsel, sinners ways, or seated scoffers. Putting

this spiritual counsel into daily practice seams more relevant than ever. The two books that I have right now could not be in any more contrast. One is from a super model who wrote a book as if she had all of life’s lessons learned and now has just recently been divorced. The other is on the words of Mother Theresa. Honestly I think about the counsel that each one gives and find them to be in such opposite poles. Who would you listen to or take counsel from?

Streams of living water…. The words of saints and the word of God are just that to me. Each day when I struggle to bring my thoughts into captivity of Jesus Christ, I thank God that I have His Word in my life to give me healthy roots.

Repurpose Myself

The other day the thought came to me that while loosing my eyesight, I am gaining insight that is invaluable. It made me begin a list of things that I would never have learned without this grief in my life. So while loss is heartbreaking, it is also heart-making! Like the people that lost vision during the battle of the bulge or at Iwo Jima, the lessons learned because of eyesight loss cannot be attained any other way. This is a blog for another time. But the list has begun.

Hymn study today is on CCWilliams “have You any room for Jesus.” And I am wondering how many rooms do I have some image of my Christ Jesus trying to remind me that He is ever present in my life? Do I have a reminder of the Shepherd, the Savior, the Lord’s cross to keep me on the narrow path. The oddest cross that exists in my home is one that my niece made for me out of horse shoes. Yep, me, who has not a stitch of western horseman gear in my home has a horse shoe cross on the wall. It reminds e that we are to take whatever talent God gives us, and use it to glorify Him. Whether it’s welding, music, sewing, cooking or crochet, when we make things that remind others of Jesus, we have done well.

All through my life I have been fascinated by the use of “repurposed” materials. From the horse shoe of days gone by, to the torn sheet rag rugs of yesterday, these items are part of what makes me smile. But getting the rocks and dirt out of these glass jars that my mom had plants in was a little difficult. I ran them through the dishwasher to shine them up.

As soon as I find me, I’m going to repurpose myself.

I began working on another masaic project this week. I love how it is turning out. Now the question is does it become a blanket? Or just leave it as the original prayer shawl?

My allergies drove me to the steroids again. My skin was itching so bad, and my glands so swollen that the ibuprofen and antihistamines were not enough anymore. Of course, now I’m going to have change my diet a little to avoid the acid reflux that comes with the pills. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. But maybe I won’t have scratch marks all over my skin anymore for the sleep-itching. Oops.

My little grand daughter was trying to teach Kona how to use the “paw-pad” on her little child’s laptop. It was so cute. And he was being a very attentive puppy, listening to her every word. And watching her do it all. A video would have been better, but I’m not quick enough to get it all captured. The picture was lovely and the moment sweet.

Yesterday it rained ALL day so I stayed in the house. Hopefully I can make it to the greenhouse today. The temperatures are on an upward swing for a few days. The day however was passed with some book listening and a a couple of of video interviews. My mother insisted that I listen to Tom Brokaw’s “The Greatest Generation.” I am fascinated by the fact that theirs was the life of the cold war era, the civil rights movement, Roe vx Wade, and Christianity leaving the public school. Perhaps the generation to study is the one’s that lead up to the hoards of servicemen and women who chose to go fight in Would Word II. It was the Great Depression of the thirties that made them chose to go fight and go get their very own first set of shoes, clothes and food that was not a hand-me-down. Something to think about.

The most interesting “Purpose” statement that I have heard lately came form an elderly woman of one hundred and three years. She said that we must understand that our life has purpose and that each thing that we do in life has purpose. The purpose for cleaning the bathroom for instance is so that we don’t get sick from the mold. We clean the room with a purpose in mind. And we find our purpose in doing things with purpose. Bothe the greater perspective of loving and honor and the smaller duties of cleanliness and helpfulness. Purpose is found in the large and the small things of life. And it is the BIG person who finds joy in doing SMALL things with purpose! That really sunk home for me.

The verse below is one for the month of August that I want to settle on some. I’m not very good and enjoying toiling for food or drink. It makes no sense to me to smoke macaroni and cheese for an hour and a half, when I could just eat it after a stove top cooking time of thirteen minutes. I’m too hungry to wait that long for my food. So instead, I managed to bake a zuchinni cake this week. That only took about an hour and half . But it was not a main meal that I was waiting for!

Ecclesiastes 8:15, “And I comand joy, for man has nothing better under the sun but to eat and drink and be joyful, for this will go with him in his toil through the days of his life that god has given him under the sun.”

Finding joy is more about being joyful than about looking for some grand happenstance that makes us complete. We can be joyful even while cleaning toilets, or the shower, or winning an Olympic gold medal. Attitude is everything in living with purpose.

Never a Dull Moment: Kona’s Journal

We recently rekindled our friendship with a couple that we spent much time with over two decades ago. Their young one has just come home from a mission trip to Africa and got engaged. Empty Nest Syndrome is real for most mothers even if the child still lives at home going to community college! Funny how after two decades visiting picks up like it never left off! You can’t make “old” friends. They come so naturally.

Keeping the home fire burning is one of the oddest things that we say of the parent that is staying home. It comes from the homestead era. Yet today, we have no reason to stoke the stove to keep the coffee kettle warm or to keep the stew pot simmering for supper. Crockpot and instant-pot are the best wonders of the new kitchen today! Yet I can honestly say that this is what I do all the time. I keep the home “fire” burning in the most relevant way possible.

My home “fire” is a list of “honey-do’s” that is a mile long. Right now there are about five or six major projects that need to get done fairly soon. Then there is the long term hope to get done this fall list. Along with the perhaps maybe before winter list. My honey says the list aught to be in the fire so that he can rest when he is at home. Without something to do we might get bored with each other. Haha.

Stay at home mom often means a mom that has a mini-van and runs her children all over town to their many lessons and sports events. Well on Tuesday I took full advantage of that and asked my daughter to run the dog to his grooming session while she was about with the eldest child to dance camp. Yes, I know that is probably asking too much. So I called the groomer and asked if he could be during the noon run time so that she did not have to go twice. It worked out okay. And then my daughter says, “ I met the person who does the mobile pet groom truck at church a while ago.” Ahh. Yes less trips would be good.

Constant commotion would be a difficult thing for anyone to handle if you aren’t use to it. Like my mother some twenty years past any child being at home to all of us taking turns staying with her. It was the week that two little kids and a doggie were there that she decided it was time to just sell the house and move into the assisted living facility. Sometimes peace and quiet is good. Until it becomes miserable and you just wish some excitement would happen. And then it does, and it’s the fall or something that makes your parents require more aid than you all can give.

What does a mother stand for-most if her meals because the minute she sits down something happens. Right when the pots about to boil for the noodles, the child jumps off the back of the sofa and lands on the other hiding under the cushion. Ouch! and a whole lot of commotion happens quite quickly.

Peace and quiet in a house full of preschoolers means someone is doing something they should not be doing! Yep. There is never a dull moment in home where little ones are learning their way into child hood. Sharp cries, sharp edges, sharp corners, sharp pavement, sharp knocks of all sorts need attention right away..

Just the othewhile attending to one child with a cut lip, mama looked over to see the baby in the high chair was double fisting her cereal into her mouth. She doesn’t know how to use the spoon rightly so the carrot applesauce cereal was up and down both arms, all over the face and down the front. Fourth child is pretty sure “a child could starve around here” with all these distractions from my feeding time! She was quite happy the bowl had been left on the high chair tray. What about having children is NOT messy? Even sleeping at night is rare!

The weather has turned hot, but nothing like the high desert or Arizona. The sticky humidity is the worst. The other day I could hardly breathe outside. So I have been doing my yard work early in the day. Staying inside most of the hot part of the day. The cooling towel was pulled out of the fridge for a little bit of greenhouse work Thursday. I am trying to be very consistent with my watering. There are still a few plants that need attention so that always has me happy to plant something.

Meanwhile the AC for the house quit the other day. It has been a few years since it concerned us. So the repair man was here Friday. We had to run the air really cold just to keep the fan motor running. Afterwards I could finally turn the temperature up to a more manageable coolness. The temperature shock is too much for me. Finished the Bridge garden landscape. Only thing left is to trim off the cardboard pieces and tuck them around the plants for weed barrier. Oh, and Kona is sporting some new harness and leashes. Happy One Year Old little buddy! Kind of missed the actual birth date, but he looks good in orange and blue!

It’s time to move on to the next project. Not sure what exactly that is, however today we cleaned up the Butterfly garden. Now I am recovering from the weed “burn” on my arms and inside for a rest. We spend the day at our local county fair yesterday. Grand kids and all got to enjoy some bad fair food and the 4-H displays. That’s about all the news for now. We are watching the Olympics some. And I found the perfect verse in Ecclesiastes for the occasion.

Ecclesiastes 7: 8, “Better is the end of a thing than its beginning, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.” But might I add that without beginning there is no finish. And I would agree that the humble are far more enjoyable to watch than the proud.

Flat On My Face

Flat on my face is how I feel most days. The goals I set for myself rarely get accomplished. This week, I really wanted to get the plants that I picked up last Friday into new homes. That’s all. There were about 2 dozen that needed to be planted.

So on Monday I got right to my chores. I watered the existing plants places, found new homes for about nine or so and tried so hard to get after some weeds while I was at it. By four pm the bugs had won. The gnats, mosquitoes, flies and beetles were so bad that I was in an epsom salt and baking soda bath trying to recover. By midnight, I knew I was sick. The antihistamine overload gave me a regular stomach ache and I felt like I had the flu. West Nile? No, but I had to stay home from visiting the little people. I slept until nearly noon.

That evening after numerous attempts to do anything, I looked in the mirror and said, “wow-you look sunburned!” Nope, just totally ate up by bugs. The hives were up and down both arms, across my shoulders, and all over my neck. I was surviving on Benadryl once again. Something had to be done about the bugs.

So my wonderful hubby got after them. Two evenings of tanks full of garlic oil and bug-be-gone later, we can now be outside for more than fifteen minutes without getting carried away to the next township. We also put out a few fly traps. And ordered one of those bug zapper machines. Being sick was not much fun. Even two days later, I would work for fifteen minutes and pour sweat out of every gland. Then have to go lay down for an hour.

Falling from grace as a gardener means that I can’t handle the bugs or the weeds. How is one to even keep the garden looking good? By Thursday though the bugs had taken quite a dive in population. So I spend the day planting and weeding the hydrant flower garden. The Hydrant Bed had not been touched in over a month.

Little by little I began designing the “Be Glad” garden that will surround our new little statue that we named PollyAnna. That is still my most favorite of all childhood books. So it seemed most appropriate to name her that. Of course, she needs a little clean up after falling on her face.

My hubby decided to put out a sprinkler to keep the cat out of the area. And sure enough the top heavy stature fell over. I have some work to do next week to paint and seal her before she sits out in the weather for the next few years. So I am watching a lot of youtube videos again on statue care.

The other set of plants that will mirror this garden will be planted behind the bridge. I hope to get them placed today. And I did! Still have to move some of the lilies from the vegetable garden.. The whole vegetable garden will get an update this fall also. A couple more boxes to grow veggies and more rock and edging to finish it and make it less weed prone.

So my daughter tells me that my little grand daughter had quite the spill the other evening. While sitting in the potty before bed time child number three fell flat in her face on the floor. Mama was in the room and did not catch her. But mother giggles are some times hard to hold back. . Because mommy thought it was funny the little girl did not cry. She is just such a little clumsy but oh so curious and courageous. We all love her sweet nature and love of all things little like animals and such. One day she was pretending that her little hands were holding a baby hedgehog at the noon meal. It was a grape. “Sheh, “ she said, “You’re scaring my hedgehog!”

I hope that’s the end of the “face plants” for the week. I really don’t want to experience it myself. So I am glad to have the black line painted on my steps edges to define them better. My sister was the first to put blackened edges on the top and bottom step. Of course it does not help at night, but during the bright daytime house it is amazingly helpful.

The best Bible story I can think of is when the Philistines took the Ark of the Covenant and placed it in the temple of thegod Dagon. The man made idol fell on it’s face day after day until the head actually fell off. I Samuel chapter five tells the story if you’d like to read it. The point of the whole story is that God is real and man’s imagination is God given and no image can bear the presence of the awesome Creator of the world. I thank God that my little PollyAnna is just a cement replica and only a type of an Ebenezer stone to remind me of the “Be Glad” game. Being Glad that God has given us so many things to remind us of the One who is the Beginning and The End. Alpha and Omega.

Stacking Logs

Today’s hymn study is “At the Cross” by Isaac Watts. Some one such as I could have no idea what it means to grasp the Cross as the only hope in this life. Yet I must embrace this one and only Hope for it is the only way to remove the burden that weighs down my heart for those whom I love and perhaps NOW I can be happy all the day for Christ truly is the only true weight lifter in this life I live.

Coping with going blind often has its challenges that lead me to have nightmares that I do not understand. Sometimes having to be a statue in the midst of the moving storm about me is the best option for navigating the day. Like the recent Christmas during the summertime. The constant ebb and flow of the people that are there often lead to to feeling much like a log jam on the river as it heads to the sawmill!

Preparing for life changes has led me to learning how to “give up” things that drain my energy. Being the sit still person in the crowd use to make me feel like I was alone in the crowd. There are moments when I feel perhaps the Lord is rather teaching me how to be the lighthouse on the rocks for others. A person to come to who will listen and empathize and give the Hope of Jesus into their lives.

Then there is night. Where I have this recurring dream. One in which I am standing amidst a pile of logs that need to be stacked. Organized into size appropriate piles. Stacked neatly and ready for use. I feel lost. I feel overwhelmed. I feel like the whole lot will crash about me once again and I will never escape the never ending pile. No matter which way I turn the logs are all in a jam.

Psalm 61 is a prayer from the depths of the pit. So is Psalm 42. But today all I can thing is “How long? O God? How long?” My very soul is weary and sad. I am utterly disheartened and lost.

Depresson is settling in again. The nightmares about stacking logs of all various kinds and sizes have returned. Along with the constant over riding feeling of anger at everything. The headaches are back. The sleepless nights. The old enemies are here to ruin me.

Trying to do anything is like working with an elephant on my chest, a bear on my back, an alligator in my brain, and a Tasmanian Devil running circles about me and a hyena laughing constantly in my ear. The high pitch whistle of the dryer does not help any of these things.

My dogs did not make me happy. They became more and more work. And they wake me up out of my sleep just when I finally get some. They bark at nothing just to irritate me. Charlie does not make me smile when he refuses to even come when called. Honey rolled in so much awful stench this previous month that we shaved her to nothing and then I didn’t even want to look at her. Skinny doodle is not pleasing to my eyes at all. (Well she is gone now.) Kona has decided to keep getting into things just to get bad attention and then never gets any good play time. *note the whole dynamic of my household is much calmer without a hyper golden doodle. Resolve that we will never have a hybrid man made disaster dog again. And so I decided to re-home Kona. Only to realize that it was Honey that had to go.

Life feels so hopeless right now. Food is not even fun anymore. It is so much work to cook when the eyesight is not there for the recipes. I get so dizzy that the turning around in circles is awful.

Becoming… use to be about someone’s beauty…. We would say “oh, she is so becoming!” Well, there are days looking in the mirror is avoided. I don’t find myself so very becoming. Especially when…

Becoming blind…

Going to my daughter’s to help only lends to making me feel more helpless than ever. The meal prep is impossible for me to help. The house is so kid cluttered that it is a nightmare for a blind person. All of her chairs are so uncomfortable for me that it does no good to go to the chiropractor just to have my tailbone go out by the end of the day. My enjoyment in going to “watch” kiddos is hampered by the fact that the house is so dark I rarely can really “see” them anyways.

God, how long? Do I have to keep trying to do what fails and does not bring me joy? How long do I have to keep pretending that happiness is something that can be grasped. My life feels like a grasping after the wind. My hands want to hold water that satisfies and my cup is empty.

Must the nightmares go on? I am standing within a stack of logs that need to fed into the stove. Some of them are the wrong size and only let the stove billow out smoke while I try to push the logs into it. Some of the pieces can be pulled out and rearranged to fit properly. But many of them are ashen and on fire themselves. I sweat and scream as I try to desperately get the logs back into the hot stove. My eyes are burning with sweat and tears. My lungs are burning from the smoke. Soon my lack of air makes me pass out and my empty cries wake me up to the “real world” where I am still going blind. Still can’t find my way out of the stack of logs and still can’t figure out which way is the bathroom without using my hands to tell me where I am.

How long O God?

Must the nightmares go on? I am standing in a long narrow hallway where there are log stacks on either side of me. Somewhere near both ends the wall of logs has fallen. I am desperately trying to put the stack back so that it will remain upright. Suddenly I see my family in the chasm below and while I stand with one leg on either side of the pile of logs, they begin to fall. I begin to fall. I scream at them to get out of the falling timbers and begin crashing to the ground. The logs are hitting me everywhere. My head, my back, my arms and legs are getting pinned by the logs. I am screaming and still falling. Suddenly I wake in pool of sweat and try to find the bathroom nightlight. It has moved again out of my line of view and I panic as I try to put it into my eyesight.

How long O God?

Until my eyesight closes in and what will be the last thing that my eyes will make out for my memory to see? Why must I have such a vivid imagination and the nightmares keep me up at night?

MONDAY MORNING

This morning I am pulling the log out of my own eye. Yesterday I experienced something emotionally that made me feel literally sick to my stomach. I will try to tell the story as briefly as possible.

While I was away and at church with my mother and sister’s family, I had asked a neighbor to care for my puppy. I forgot that perhaps my daughter would have been available. It probably would have been all avoided otherwise. And of course this neighbor had an eventful day in an of her own. Meanwhile, she and a friend did come over and proceed to help themselves to some of the plants in the greenhouse. All good I had said they could. When I realized however that the beautiful propegation “mother” plants in the clay pots had been removed. I began, my emotional being was scarred. First experience for me was trying to figure out how to handle this. And then I began to recall all the things that my mother has been through this past month. Especially her wondering where something was that we had removed from her house. My remorse and full emotional impact of evertyhing that has occurred flooded through my mind.

My mother’s sense of abandonment, her feelings that some are treating her roughly, and her confusion about why they won’t let her have her things if she wants them. Most people do not understand the work involved in propagation of pelargoniums or geraniums. It is a long wintering project of mine that gives me something to do and to get out of my lazy crochet chair. The value of the plants to me is more than five of ten dollars. Let alone a mother plant that has been in the same giant clay pot (which itself is spendy). The whole weight of my mother’s heart seemed pressed upon me and they care of her emotional well being was heavy upon my own heart.

While my mother had some strokes and lost some short term memory connections for cooking and feeding herself meals, the long term memory about things and even the family genealogy and history is very strong. And she still knows the heart of her children sometimes better than they know themselves.

How can I express to my siblings that she knows who has disrespected her life work. She knows who honors the value of each item that she worked hard for all of those years. She was a lowly bank teller, and budgeted for her every spending penny. These were her things and she has the right to them all. Anyone who thinks that “out of sight” is “out of mind” on the elderly is fooling themselves. Long term care is often for those whose long term memory is still quite vivid.

And it’s time for a fruits of the Spirit checkup. While I am becoming more and more like my parents as I grow older. The real question is -Am I becoming like Christ?

Love… sitting at the table with my older sister we made the conclusion that our marriages are truly based on love. There is no score keeping or reward system. We do for each other (our spouses and selves) what we can out of LOVE. Joy can be found if you pick up the rocks that are often in the way. Sometimes the joy is found under the the toughest search. But if we lift up the leaves on the bushes, the berries are there. Peace often eludes me for sleep. But sometimes a night without air in the airbed reminds you just how peaceful and comfortable your own bed is. When patience is no longer part of how we handle the over flowing cup of life, it’s time to step back empty out the “busy” and take more time for Jesus one on one time. Gentleness can return to our normal conversation language when we fill up with the right stuff! Goodness is all around us. Even when the physical buildings and bodies we watch are crumbling down, it’s the indwelling Spirit that shines forth. Faithfulness is so hard to grasp when life seems to close down on me with all of it’s ugliness and suffering. But God is ever faithful and supplies all of our needs in Christ Jesus. Meekness is not something anyone knows thses days. I pray that God will allow me to use the wisdom and insights that He gives me with meekness that empowers others to Hope in Jesus also. Self control is lost among all of the bitterness and strife that people through away at each other’s feet. If only we can hold our tongues when those edges creep in and learn to hand our trials over to the Savior instead of lashing out at other’s like the venomous being that so easily deceives.

Lord, Help me to do more things in my life by heart… like playing the piano by heart. When it feels so natural to grab some lady by the hand in the nursing facility and say, “Come let’s play piano together.” And it is so natural to play piano by heart. Loving, talking, and showing Jesus to others by heart. Let it become natural for me to share my insights and the reason for the hope that lies within me.

Rock collections

Every little girl / collects rocks and pony tails / ribbons and lace to tie up her curls / She remembers the very place / where she found each stone or lace / and her memory is sharp and clear…. How do we grow / from the child of long ago / to an age of wisdom and grey hair? / Will the pleasures of our youth / and the joy of each stone / whet the mind and keep us sharp in our chair?…. Every little girl / grows up to collect new stones / the value of to whom it is beheld / whether glass objects, fabric swatches, plants or recipes / She finds her treasures an like her toys she wants to share…How do we grow / from the child of long ago / to an age of wisdom and grey hair? / Will the pleasures of our youth / and the joy of each stone / whet the mind and keep us sharp in our chair?… Every little girl / leaves her collection some day / to those whom it’s value does not share / She will one day walk away / from the gemstones of childhood play / to look for shells on sandy distant shores… How do we grow / from the child of long ago / to an age of great wisdom with grey hair? / Will the treasures of our youth / and the joy of each gemstone / whet the mind and keep the memory clear?

Today while I was thinking about my mother, some thoughts came to mind about my grand daughter. She has this little rock collection that she wanted to show me one day a month or two ago. It was so interesting to hear her tell about each little stone and where she had found each gem. Of course the rocks looked pretty much the same to me, but she knew each one by size and location of their find.

Then my mind went to my sister’s rock collection. Hers are a little bigger. Like really big… They need a skidster or tractor to move. She cannot put them into a little black back and show them off to a visitor. No, she planted them in her yard and build a garden around them. I have some rocks on my acreage like that also. But each one here was found by some piece of equipment out in the field while my father-in law or his dad were faming! He does not like my rock garden idea. I do not like piles that are full of weeds or trees.

Then my mind drifted back to all of my mother’s collections. The many multiples of silverware sets, the five days of packing up china and glass were all apart of her “every girl’s rock collection.” Just like some little girls small black bag of gemstones, did we find value in her treasures? Each piece holds some dear memory for her.

It all falls into the “beholder” value. Which mother would deliberately throw away her seven year olds rock collection? How could anyone simply throw away the many collections of their mother?

I remember when my children had their strongest value stolen from them. We had gone on a zoo trip with the family. After leaving the hotel where we stayed, it became apparent that their blankets had been stolen from the room as we were packing up to go. The blankets were folded and placed on the bed ready to carry out. Both dad and mom had thought the other person grabbed the blankets. Later after many phone calls we remembered a hotel cleaning staff member entering the room before we left. In the guise of “spending” tip money on books about “angel” she had been very convincing. But in her arms she had collected some towels, the blankets, and sheets in her arms. She stole the blankets right from under our noses!

The blankets were very valued by us as a family. The blanket for my eldest daughter was made by an elderly women from church. She had embroidered each of the teddy bears with exquisite detail. The blanket of my second daughter was made by my maid of honor. Also lots of embroidery work So sad. We were hurt and could not replace the items at all.

This experience taught us to value things differently. Christmas gifts and other items long hoped for became prized possessions. It was always hard to watch their cousins lack of care for some item that the girls had on their wish list for a long time. It never failed that someone else got it before them and then did not take care of the item or appreciate it. It was always a blessing to see the girls take good care of all of their toys and such.

Marie Kondo asks the question “Does this item bring me joy?” While cleaning out some closet. I don’t think that is the right question for what we keep in life. Maybe the question should be, “Does keeping this item bring glory to God? Or would giving it away be better?” Another way to ask the question is: Do I give glory to God in the keeping or giving of this thing: If the meaning of life is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever… how does this translate into my every day existence?

Every girl has a rock collection that will one day need to be discarded. I wondered at the five days of packing up china and glass items. Until I had a friend come over to care for my greenhouse and she said, “What are you doing with all these geraniums?” Yes, we all have collections that border on the stupid. Like the recent dog rescue that I saw where some puppy mill had 241 dogs that needed fostering, medications, haircuts, and proper nutrition. That is not a good collections. We all get caught in our “too muchness” at some point in our lives. For some people it is their eating habit. For others it’s homes and vehicles. For me it was plants.

How can I bring glory to God by enjoying the work of my hands and glorify God in my work? Am I busy turning my earthly treasures into eternal crowns? Maybe this is all a little to deep for today. Can you tell that this is a book review? (John Piper: Don’t Waste Your Life)

Every little girl has her rock collection. What’s yours?

Day after day

Okay, so the past month or so has kept me too busy to write anything worth publishing. There are a few major happenings and I’ll try to get you all caught up.

The biggest time buster was the greenhouse. The hundreds of geraniums that have still not found a home are taking up quite a bit of my time. Just now there are a bunch of starts just showing new colors that that I did not know took root. The other day I found a pretty lilac purple bloom and a two tone pale pink with white and a red dot! I will try to keep all of the unusual ones for more variety next year.

The other big happening is my doodle troubles. She decided to run off and wallow in bad smell. We were fighting the Halo-fence collar and app for a number of days. She is going to wear it more in the day with me going outside to garden etc cetera. She also got her hair all chopped off, somewhat too short. Honey probably won’t do the heat very well today without much fur to insulate, so afternoon will be inside. She also got an ouchie on one leg from Kona jumping up at her face for the tennis ball. So we had to put the cone of shame on her at night.

In other news, Kona decided he was done with the crate during the day and made some real messes. Not good timing or good experience at all. I spent one whole day puppy proofing the house so that he can be inside during my outdoor work, Hubby also bought me a “horse” trailer to put him in outside while I work. It took a few days but he did get used to the pattern of following me around for fifteen minutes and them into the crate for an hour.

We are moving my mom out of her house this next week. My emotions are all over the board for the whole process. My sister just got a roll off dumpster to get rid of the garbage we find. Like an entire box of empty camera film rolls. Really? We moved that box twenty times? It could have been tossed years ago.

My nightmares came back and chased sleep away for nearly a week. Last night was the first full night of sleep that I received in the last month. So I guess I better get busy doing all the things that I could not do yesterday. Sleep is important, but must be over rated when one goes that long without a peaceful night. The nightmares are always similar- something about being lost amongst a whole pile of logs that I can never figure out how to get out of.

Day after day it seems I make an attempt at a journal entry and only get interrupted. So It is now the following morning. Here I go again. Making my outside list and my packing list, and my just be moment is keeping me from doing any of the lists. Most mornings it has been too cold to garden. So I sit on the sofa with one puppy at my feet and the other next to me.

I started watching NDE testimonials on video the past few weeks. Trying to help myself find some hope during this momentary depression. The allergies and asthma have been so bad that days the weight of living seems overwhelming. It is just so much work to fight to live on the really bad asthma days. Heaven seems like a bit of a cop out actually. So I am struggling with putting one step in front of the other. I am struggling with the day after day constant battle to keep moving forward.

Pilgrim’s Progress has been on my mind alot lately. I recently thought about Jesus saying how “foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place for his head.” I know that my mother is now in the “pilgrim’s inn” of living. While she has a place to lay her head the journey on this sod is nearing the end. Meanwhile my dad is also feeling the gravity of earth tugging on his earthly tent. The thoughts of my parents nearing the eternal passing is so heavy some days that I just cry with the weight of it all.

And day after day, life marches on. Little ones learn to ride bicycles, learn to laugh, and learn to express their thoughts in words. It is the joy of a four month old grasping at a toy and being able to make the fingers do what she wills… Today, might be a hard day for you. Maybe it was yesterday. Perhaps tomorrow the weight of living will suck you back under the covers, but today- look for that little tiny sliver of hope. Open your eyes to the cry of the whipper whirl in the trees. Feel the cold breeze brush across your face. It is all so temporary.

Isaiah 40:8, “The grass withers, the flower fades but the word of our God will stand forever.”

Sharing -Irth Day

Yep that is purposely misspelled. Because something like a Christmas baby, or any other holiday, I share my birthday with Earth Day. And believe me I was never very happy about sharing my special day. So I wonder how other people share their special day with some holiday. Do you?

Well, as it turns out I was actually born in a snow storm and Earth Day was not dedicated as a holiday until a couple of years later. So does that make me older than dirt? What in the world is this holiday for anyways?

It was first decided upon to make people aware of the way that they were misusing and trashing the Earth. Well, maybe it should be a National Composting Day or something. That’s how I celebrated. I spent a few hours digging up the compost bin into some black trash cans so that it can “cook” and be ready to use as good fertilizer. Actually even though sometimes life hands you a bucket of worms they make the best soil for growing plants in.

So considering that the pile of compost was tomato, lettuce, broccoli stems and other refuse last year, this spring it was some of the most beautiful black soil that I have ever seen. So yeah, maybe I am older than dirt. So what?

Sharing my birthday with Earth Day usually means that I am ready to plant something. But spring is in full force here and all of the trees in the pollenating nature are making my asthma act up. So I kept my outside time to a minimum. Normally, I am pretty much of a minimalist anyways.

Yesterday while digging the compost soil into the trash bins, my life partner hubby threw Honey’s frisbee into the top of the Walnut tree. That made her pretty upset. She even barked at it for a while trying to get it to come down like the squirrels. I promised her that the wind would blow tomorrow (today) and that she would get it back soonb.

So this morning she kept watching out the front window to see if the frisbee had fallen down yet. When it did in the early morning, she barked like mad. Of course I was busy at the moment. When we went out a half hour later, Honey ran straight for the fallen frisbee. Well, I guess, she does understand some things!

-Irth Day should be pretty special really. The Earth has been pretty good to me today. I did not meet it once (in a fall) so I guess that answers that question. The asthma has made it questionable at times. And today I spent some time enjoying the tulips that I buried in the ground last fall. So the Earth has been nice for sure.

So, do you share your birthday with some other known holiday? How does it make you feel special? Or rather how does it make you feel like someone sabotaged your special day? How has the Earth been good to you this week?

Somethings in my life make it seem like the Earth has not been good to me. For instance all the diseases, allergies, and eyesight problems that I have experienced. But maybe that’s just genetics and the poor earth can’t be blamed for everything. And the scars that my body has can prove that the Earth’s gravitational pull has played a nasty number on me a few times also.

Psalm 90:12 ESV “So teach us to number our days that we nay have a heart of wisdom.”

My Broken Glass

The other morning my return home greeting was dropping a small juice glass in my farm sink. Yep, it broke. Broken glass is not so bad to clean up when it is contained. I was careful in my search for all of the pieces and put them into the bottom of the still intact vintage glass. No cut fingers for me.

And today I feel much like that glass. Broken and useless. The message I heard on the radio was about spiritual warfare. How appropriate I think for how I feel. We have finally had some seasonal rain and now all the trees are budding and the grass and weeds are in full growth mode. My allergies took a nose dive into the tissue box and my head is in so much pain. Honey did not wake me up for my asthma need this morning, so I slept in until past nine.

“—A threefold cord is not quickly broken.” —Ecclesiastes 4:8b (ESV) The fourth chapter of Ecclesiastes has a lot of little nuggets in it. This is one of my favorite. In the passage, the wisdom is for people to work together in unity. Two people pulling in opposite directions are only striving after the wind. One person cannot stay warm on cold nights without an electric blanket. Two are better than one to defeat an assailant. So many little treasures of advice.

The last two Sundays I was blessed to go to church with my mother. The first week there was a missionary and the second week there were two baptisms. This same week a friend of ours shared a video of a testimony from another church in the same community. Seeing the Holy Spirit working in others lives is so uplifting. Staying the week with my mom and sister and her two little ones was more work than I thought it would be. By the end of the week though my old habit of not being able to fall asleep returned.

The first night there we let Kona sleep on the bed with us. Not very restful considering he has never done that before. In the early dawn hours, he woke up forgetting where he was. His frightful bark and the big fat tears in his eyes told me he had been very scared. I snuggled him into bed with me and he settled back down. The rest of the week he slept in his crate like ususal. Sleeping with dog on bed is not my preferred pet method. We both need the complete night of rest to be able to put up with each other all day.

Kona struggled with kid magnetics the first few days together with my little nieces. By the second day they had learned to co-exist and him not be so attracted to their every movement. By the fourth day a real rhythm had been set and he was learning to cue some things. His alerts at first were a little loud. He finally decided it was okay to inside bark that the baby was awake. He also cued some of the alarms around the house. The best was the “importance” of my mom’s pill minder. The last day he decided to walk outside with my mother. She just picked up the leash and took him with. Hmmm-I though she did not like dogs. And he also began noticing if the door did not shut all the way. That was helpful also. Pocket full of treats kept him very busy trying to earn a treat!

Meanwhile, my dad’s world had some bad news the past week. It was really hard to hear such sad happenings. But the day I called to take care of the flowers, he had had such a rough day. It was a blessing to keep in touch with him and hear him reciprocate my “I love you dad.” He has only told me he loves me a hand full of times. I think it meant much to him that I reached out even though I was at my mom’s for the week.

Returning home was “fruit basket upset” for me. I felt bad for not being happy to be home. The moving about and putting everything back in its place gets me pretty frustrated. My eyes just don’t always see what I think should be there. I took a detox bath, but it really did not help much. It wasn’t close enough to bed time to actually work.

The cutest event of the week was when the little girls were getting ready for bed one evening. My sister was making the bottle, and I was trying to “settle” them instead of wind them up. So I sang a silly song about the sun going to bed and so shall I. I taught them the actions of the sun coming up and traveling across the sky until it hit the floor again, then laid down to fall asleep. The third time the girls had the actions down and even Kona layed down on the floor to fall asleep for pretend. It was so cute watching them all interact so sweetly.

When it’s my time to go, I wonder how I will behave. Watching our elderly parents prepare for “the day” is hard. Some get listless and empty, letting go of the daily duties with quite a struggle. Getting them to understand that food is their first need and let someone else do the food preparations, can be such a battle. Others will not allow a hired help to come clean the house just for “privacy” sake or something.

I know it was hard for me to let go of the green house chores for the week and trust others to water, rotate, and watch care. Each sibling handles letting go of the parents differently also. Some just let go before it’s time to even relinquish their elder to this earthly suffering so that they do not have to watch the falling season. Some hang on so hard they won’t let anyone else take certain “cares” on because they have to have some control. In the end, the broken glass just goes when it’s God’s timing. We never really know when the glass will slip out of our hands and the pieces will be left to discard. We don’t even know what pieces we will be left with. God give me the grace to handle each broken glass with care.