Tag: grandparent

One of Those Days

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SUNDAY: Well, today is one of “those” days. I slept less than three hours last night. So now I am overtired and cranky. Decision making is very minimal. Lack of sleep really affects my eyesight. So this morning when we were preparing to leave the house for church, I found the bedroom door closed with my nose. Really?

Really?

We are trying to leave the little dog home more often with freedom of space and choice. And while he has grown up finally, it has only been about one month since the last full bladder accident. So rather than letting him have the whole house, shut the doors right?

And then, I decided that I needed a scarf to stay warm. My outfit was not complete. So I headed back to the bed room for the matching item. When I found the door with my nose, my initial responsive word was “dang-it-Really!”

MONDAY: Reality going blind sucks. Just over a week ago my grand-doggie found my eyebrow with the top of his head. He is one of those bouncy dogs that does not greet on a sit. His excitement puts a spring in his bottom and jack-in-the-box will spring at the most inopportune times for a blind lady. Going down to greet my little 15 pound Shih Tzu found the forty pound head with mine.

Really!

There are some adaptive learning curves that simply don’t work in practice. Being a very active and boisterous little girl, I have grown into a statuesque old lady. I really don’t enjoy the bodies requirement to be still just to save my other parts. My eyes simply do not work right anymore.

How do I manage to keep up with the change of pace? I know that lack of physical activity is what is driving my inability to sleep at night. Who wants to teach a bland lady how to work out and get tired enough to sleep?

Maybe I should put on a helmet and take up boxing.? That seems like a dumb idea when there are so many things jump out of nowehere to clobber me already.

Maybe I should take up running on a treadmill mill just to keep moving but who is gonna read all the options on the screen? Where is the speaking options on that equipment?

Maybe I could do palettes or something? but it requires being able to see and know what the directions are for each move and no one ever explains things well enough. Besides my mirrow image response is zilch because I do not see the actions to copy.

Okay. Really…

TUESDAY: Yesterday we both had bad visits at the dentist. Very rough hygienists that should probably have flunked his schooling. Anyways, decisin made to find a new dental clinic. And good news I slept for the first night with no sleep aid meds at all.

Today is a rough day. Another week will go by with no glasses on this nose because it hurts too much. My sinuses are already angry over the knock on the door. Scripture says, “Ask and it will be answered, Knock and it will be opened, Seek and you will find.” Well, I just think I’ve learned one should use the appropriate tools when asking, knocking or seeking. And sometimes we simply aren’t asking the right questions.

WEDNESDAY: Another night slept with no sleep aids. Unfortunately, my poor sister is taking up my lot in life. She is going through much stress in life in preparation to early retirement. Yep, going blind sucks. The rest of the family is doing well, I think. Haven’t talked to very many of them lately. It’s still a good day to take the back seat for a full rest as tomorrow is grandkid sitting day.

One of the Freyja patterns by Tinna T. Iceland mosaic crochet artist. I have learned alot about the craft from her.Thanks. Tinna!

THURSDAY: No mishaps. Just a quick story about hte kiddos. I sat with the littlest one while the others were at home school co-op day. It seems this social experience is a highlight for three of the momentary mommas. My sister, sister-in-law and my daughter all living this lifestyle of parenting 24-7. We do enjoy hearing about the learning curves in their lives. In other bits and pieces, I took the older two grandees with my short Kona walk in the afternoon. The oldest had to bring her binoculars to “look at nature.” The second child was wearing boots, shorts, a winter jacket and gloves. Hilarious picture!

Epilogue: Friday is here. I made it through the week with no more mishaps. Yet…. Doing more book study lists. Also finished the scarf above that I don’t like. I made a mistake on the first rom of the pattern beginning with the upside down heart. Oh, well. It was intended as a practice run. Today is supposed to be a greenhouse working day. I have not had coffee for three days, and this morning all it seems to do is make me sneeze. I did this to try sleeping well. It may have worked but I am still not sure. I have been doing some breathing exercises as I try to fall asleep and that has helped. Kona really needs his groom session. And what other random facts could I tell you? Still working on “The Complete Sherlock Holmes” stores. I thought of it after I learned Great-great-Grandma Chris and her name was Anna “AndersDitter” Holmes. Those Scandinavians surnames are odd. Our family history lessons are fun as we hunt for obituaries and places of residence. The “Bygones” of the past still have stories to tell!

Little Black Beads: Kona’s Journal

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“The shiney parts”…. The first week or so with Kona my granddaughter told me that at first she could not see his eyes. I know I replied he is all black and it’s hard to tell. Then she stated that now she could see his eyes just fine because those are the “shiney parts!” Like little black beads on a toy, they are very reflective of any light.

Doing chores every day is something I am used to. Part of living on a “homestead” with animals is chores. First there were dogs and sheep. Then the horse came along and there were cats added tot he numbers. The sheep have long since left and now the numbers of others is even lower. From nine cats down to three is quite the reduction. And the horse is gone also. One day not too long ago I actually heard the “phantom” whiney of the horse as I walked out the door. It had been awhile since that happened. Nevertheless, chores are a part of my everyday exercixe regimen.

Kona’s week nine and ten have gone by pretty fast. I was busy on a poncho and a baby blanket crocheting. So the writing took a back burner. I also had a few upkeep things to do in the greenhouse. We are still witing for baby to come along (grand baby number four),.

“Play nice” is the new saying I repeat often. The two indoor furries have been trying to make “flurries” with their rambunctious play. The other day the two of them finally decided to play and Honey knocked over the kitchen chair. Today they were running through the house after each other. I almost regretted my second indoor dog purchase.

Kona is still trying to figure out my pregnant daughter. The extra heartbeat has him tipping his head this way and that as she gets a few snuggles from him. I am just so excited to see what baby looks like.

I finished the canine psychology book on mirror feelings. There are times that I just don’t want my dog to mirror my anxiety. Her hyper jump up and down rather than settle is so unhelpful when I am trying to get a “frenzy” of activity done. Like cleaning the house or something. Especially when it’s time to walk out the door. Honey just will not settle and watch and wait while I prepare all of my belongings for “the go.” Kona tends to sit and wait a little better.

Physical feelings: cold, hot, pain, hunger, etcetera are not the same as ones emotional feelings. Trying to get in touch with my feelings might actually take some time. As a child I don’t believe my emotional feelings were ever validated. Physical punishment was used to inflict both pain on my behind and shame in my heart. I learned that my physical pain of asthma was not something my parents were willing to pay money for and get me medical help. I had to let go of all the “want” to be cared for in my deepest need for air. My mother would say, don’t cry, it only makes it worse. Stop crying because I could not catch my breath after the lawn had been mowed and the windows were all left open, and my asthma kept me up at night. I had to stuff my feelings down under neath something and just breath, which I could not do because of the asthma.

If my dogs are here to reflect my emotional energy and show me how to heal myself… then here I go. Let’s make a list of emotions first and then try to decipher when those emotions surface and why.

Emotional feelings: happy, disgusted, embarrassment, surprise, satisfied, love, frustration, envy, contempt, hatred, self confidence, annoyance, compassion, jealousy, pride, anger, fear, sadness, anxiety, shame, boredom, guilt, loneliness, depression. All of these feelings have been stuffed under for so long. There was a time that I felt free to cry and be sad. When I lost my drivers license and my previous Shih Tzu “Furbie.” But the sad just would not stop. I had help for a couple of years trying to turn off the sad and look for happy. Butthe feelings only got wiped off the heart monitor and finding happy was so hard.

I remember when we put the dog that doesn’t deserve a name down to rest, my heart just went blank. We had some major happenings in the next few months and I struggled to feel anything at all. Finding a happy place was so hard.

My green house became my happy place. Digging in the dirt and planting things was therapeutic. For me. It took me nearly three or four years of garden keeping to finally decide this was the new me. Garden Oma with all of my pets etcetera. I still struggle to “happy” in the house. The walls don’t talk back, you know.

Raising my girls was such a busy fulfilling time for me. Home schooling was the best use of all my talents. Now, I am just struggling to come up with who me really is. No one understands just how empty the nest can feel when it is empty of children.

And so the grand children come along. And then we see just how small our house really is. The “Tiny House” movement is such an impossible way of life unless there the OUTDOORS. And so that’s what coming here means to the children. Lots of time outside.

Putting practice into my learning or learning into my practice. Yesterday at my daughter’s I found it quite frustrating that Kona kept his nose to the ground so intently that he had no focuse for me or the task at hand. Like going potty on command to be exacta. In fact he spend so much of his out door time grabbing the bunny “scat” into his mouth that by mid afernoon, I knew that he had a tummy ache. Immediately upon our exit to head home in the evening, he lost the “lunch” on the deck outside.

thank goodness it was outside! It had been a rough day otherwixe and one more mess to clean up in the house might have put us all over the edge!

Today, I took a ball outdoors with us for a couple of the walks to get his focus back unto me. Of course, I’m not sure how this will play out through the week into next visit to the “bunny yard.”

Finally got Charlie to play for 2 minutes. He likes tug of war I guess.

Today feelings and Honey not bring frisbee back. Anger gets way up. Why does she play keep away? We never taught her that? The tease play is not fun at all. It’s like she thrives at full throttle and prefers us to be in total exasperation. So while this is a few days later… I have tried not saying any thing at all while tossing the frisbee. Does not hlep that I am usually cold also. So being out there is really a frustrating exercise chore.

Well, I’m going to quit. It’s only one week until Christmas. Time to try to tap into some joy, happiness, love, hope, and peace.

My New Laptop: Kona’s Journal

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Otherwise know as the blood pressure regulator

One Wednesday morning just three weeks ago (September 27th to be exact) I ate my breakfast and then found myself suffering from the lowest blood pressure that I have had in weeks. My body temperature felt like 95 degrees and so I sought out my “warming bag.” It is an upholstered sock filled with beans, or corn, or cherry pits, not sure now after all these years. Sitting on the sofa under a mound of blankets and hugging my mug to get warm, I looked at my social media feed. As we all do while doing “nothing.” This adorable little black puppy came on the screen once again, and I though… Ahhh, that would be a nice warming bag.

A bag of fur lined with a little body, a pumping heartbeat and oh, so snuggly. When I am cold, I shall have a new laptop!

Snuggles and puppy licks are oh so much nicer than sitting alone on the sofa looking at my selfish sixty pound doodle on the floor. Honey just never took up the cuddle bug vibes. As much as I tried to make her sit with me, it only lasted ever so shortly!

Today marks the beginning of week four with Kona in my life. And all those around me. Feeding time still involves a few minutes of classic training for puppy. Training stays into the little guy’s life is the new key challenge. Sunday after church he launched himself out of the pickup before I could get the leash hooked on. The four foot fall made him a little “yippee” and sore the rest of the day. By Monday morning he was fine. I knew nothing was broke as he still let me touch and examine him all over. So training stay into our routine is vital.

When I’m not looking is actually quite frequent and with my tunnel vision, finding the little dude is sometimes not easy. The harness and leash is the most important tool for a blind dog trainer. That way I can keep track of the fast little fur-ball

Yesterday with the grandkids my little grandson (who giggles with such glee) was running with Kona and accidentally dropped the leash. “OMA! I dropped the leash!” My response was quick with a look downwards and a foot on the tail of the kite, I said it’s okay- That’s why he has the leash. Thank you for telling me right away, Isaac..

All the “oops” involved with puppies are great learning tools. Pets have a way of bringing out the best and worst in people. And when we are tired, UFF, by the worst is not pretty. Thankfully, there is a crate for the half hour leading up to the two hour potty window closure. Either it’s time for close attention and learning language of the cues or it’s time to put puppy away and let him “yipe” for the going out need.

Books are still one of my best time busters. My mp3 Bible lost battery juice the other night and that was a rough going to sleep. I am trying to listen to a book my daughter recommended, but the going is slow. And the talking book library has been forgo-teen these three weeks.

Greenhouse is on maintenance mode. Though I have been tackling some cuttings yet. There are three or four more varieties to get done. And the canning is slow if not halted. There are still those pears…

Garden cleanups need to happen yet… All the end of the season chores. Like getting rid of the plant matter, pulling up garden stakes, and putting away all of the water hoses. I feel rather slow at any of that stuff because that means the snow will fly soon.

I am making myself feel overwhelmed as I write out the list. One thing at a time.

Drying the herbs and peppers is ongoing also. At least the herbs can go in the dehydrator. We strung the habaneros up to hang on the window curtains. The drying time takes awhile, but it’s usually done by Christmas decorating.

It took me a whole summer to figure out how to keep my chapel plant happy. I fed it some coffee grounds and then put it on a tray of pebbles with water. And now look at it. Maybe I’ll become a master gardener after all.

The big question is: Did the blood pressure regulator work? And the the answer I would give is YES! So far, I have not been cold after my own meal consumption for quite a while. I was cold on Tuesday after standing outside watching the grandkids play. But it was cold. And my ability to go outside without even a jacket at 45 degrees has amazed me. But when puppy has to potty- we run! Three minutes at sweater weather without a jacket has not bothered me near as much as it use to. And I really have not been sitting around as long as I use to. Keeping Kona schedule is movement at every two hours!