Once upon a time, my daughter gave me a little writing journal. It is full of hundreds of writing prompts. Ice breaker group session questions are the kind that get people laughing or crying. I guess the emotional response is your choice.

Today I decided just to get the juices flowing, I would pick one. The first one that I read was “what is something thoughtful that someone did for me?” And naturally, I thought of this journal of course. She bought me this journal. How nice. Just when I am not sure what to write about, and I don’t really want to talk about the same old things, here lies the little black thought provoker. Wasn’t that kind of her?

The next question was a little disconcerting. “when did you feel uncomfortable in some situation? How did you handle it?” Well, unfortunately, that was just today. And I can’t really write too much about it because it’s a little fresh. But when someone asks me to do something that is way beyond my comfort level, I ususally ask my husband to handle it. I get that sinking feeling that makes my anxiety want to go through the roof. Then I try to figure out how can I say “No” in the most polite way possible.

The next writing prompt is more in my ball park. “What do people ask or tell me most commonly and how do I respond?” Well, the biggest issue that I have is my RP blindness and the continued decline of my eyesight. The most common and uncomfortable topic is people asking if they can pray for my healing. This desire for God’s healing is usually quite a cause for relationship drift. Why? because most people would rather have me healed they me required to help. Yep, I said it. most people would rather give God my rpoblem than take on my problem and help me . I guess it makes them feel uncomfortable that my eye sight will continue to decline and that I am well aware that someday I may be blind.

So, that’s how the prompts work huh?

Get right to the point of squirm already.

The next question is about regret. What is my biggest regret? That’s a tough one. I could pick one about my doggie owner me, or about my parenting me, or about my spouse life togetherness. Or I could just not answer today.

Living life with no regrets is hard to do. Living a life happy and full inspite of regrets is the answer.

How do I find motivation to keep one foot in front of the other when life does not add up to my expectations? Today is one of those days. The dark cloud seems to take every desire to move away from me even while the sun shines forth its brilliant warmth. So of course, the gloomy that kept me from moving much the other day, is now just the optisite in blinding light that keeeps me sitting within the shadows.

So today the thought process must be more dialed in or tuned in. But tuned in to what? Our sermon series at church is “Attitude of Gratitude.” The passage from the Psalms was a good one. Being thankful and making a list is sometimes hard to grasp. And being thankful inspite of life’s circumstances is a choice. Psalm 138:3 is the verse that I chose to focus on this week, “ On the day that I called, You answered me: my strength of soul You increased.”

When it was cloudy, wet and almost fifty degrees, I went outside to find another one of these little pine needle succulants doing very well. Now it is nearly zero and the wind chill has made breathing outdoors difficult. The little plant, not yet succumbed to the cold, woked as an excellent specimen in this little planter. The little miniature “trunk” planter is so cute. And the plant has such a funnny story. My father in law thought that it should “grow” rather than just clean the air. So he fertilized it. When I retrieved the plant five months later, it was a giant bush! So I just cut off all of the tips and put them in the succulant soil mixture. And then I had two dozen plants instead of one.

Christmas is only a week away. And yes I find that the world has been painted by the color of my husband’s father’s passing. It took us nearly two weeks to get the tree up, lit and decorated. We watched a television show for distraction. There aren’t any gifts wrapped yet. The purchasing has begun, but we are struggling with the “spirit” of Christmas. Loss colors our lives iwht colors that are unseen to the naked eye. My hope is that we find joy in all of the memories. My prayer is that we find hope in sharing the stories with those her in our lives this season.