We watched a movie about the VonTrap Family a few weeks ago and the main character said this quote above to her young niece. Indeed it seems to sum up all the happenings of the last few weeks. I have tried to write little “snippets” of things over this time frame and nothing seems to flow. Keeping the thoughts relevant to a particular theme for the writing has been hard with only a little moment or two to write.
This morning my mother’s distraction while on the phone definitely attested to her recent mild stroke symptoms. I called her in the middle of her thought process with another sibling, the other phone rang, and the support person there at the house had to take her dog out. Too much all at once and my mother set me down-the phone she was holding the call on. After five minutes of listening, I just hung up. She was not going to remember me at the moment. Ten minutes later, delayed response, she called me back to hear what it was I had called about. Short term memory lapse is sometimes funny. Most of the time just annoying.
So rather than letting my writing be all chopped up and from several different sit-down-type-sessions, I decided to start all over and drop the disrated writing attempts. I didn’t want everyone to feel like they were on a video chat with my daughter, mother of four little ones. Children don’t let mommy get anything done in straight order. Five minute intervals are all one get before someone is crying or needs a discipline action.
My ability to crochet a project has taken a nose dive also. I tried to do some mosaic crochet stitch sampler only to run out of one of the yarns that I was using as a base color. I miss crochet. It is someone of an anti-fret-not-knots for me. So I looked up some of the fret not sayings and studied the meanin. Fret means to work oneself up into anger enough to do damage. Fret not means to let go of the thing “bothering” oneself into a worked up mess. A “fret knot” on the instrument is a way of tying the wire (that is used for resonating sound) so as to allow the wire to accept the tension of plucking to make a pleason sound. My children played stringed instruments so I know the importance of the fret board or the “pegs.” Little kids see those frets and just want to turn the “buttons” instead of leaving them alone. We are all like little kids in that respect, We want to twist up the tension until things break.
How can I take this lesson to heart? How can I truly “fret not” over the future that is in store for me, or others? Especially right now… while I worry about my mother’s recent stroke or any of my other family and their prayer needs. My natural release has always been to crochet. And making the fret knots with my hook usually helps. Until now when my mind is so worried I can’t come up with a project that I am happy with. Like the peg or fret I must find a way to anchor myself in the Lord’s promise that He will hlep me make a beautiful sound when the tension arises.
The other fret not activity for me is my gardening or greenhouse. I have found with Kona that I am not spending the hours of consecutive working in the greenhouse like I use too. And so far taking him with has not worked well. He wants to pick things up that he should not chew on and therefore “ruins” the peace of my sanctuary in the garden dome structure. One day maybe we’ll get this figured out. When he does not behave, I just bring him back to the house and put him in the crate. Someday he’ll learn to be with me is enough. Every dog is a bit of a snoopy during their early years.
And meanwhile all this happenings of disabling busy worrying, my heart has rested on a couple of verses for spiritual food. Psalm 37:7-8 “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him…Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.”
The bigger picture is only seen by the Lord. Right now I am living is the little tiny corner of the painting and I have no clue what else is on the canvas. I am standing so close to the thing, only hindsight will show me the rest of the true view. Because my eyesight often puts this exact phenomenon into play for me, I understand the quote readily. My tunnel vision works that way. When I look at a hymn I have to be close enough to see the note on the line or between the line, only to loose sight of the rest of the stanza. Therefore beign too close to get the full view of the hymns melody.
Two different analogies but very relatable to me with my failing eyesight. The painting or the hymn is best viewed or heard in it’s entirety. We don’t always have that luxury. For now I will simply have to wait on the Lord.