When my wanna up and left me

Some times I just don’t want to. You know like when the bathroom counters and sinks get a little grunge and you just ignore it. Or when the kitchen garbage gets too full but you somehow squish the empty milk jug into it and push down on the lid. Well, sometimes I just don’t want to. 

As much as I love the process of putting up all the canned goodies, getting into the mood to do the work just was not there this year. For starters I had to nearly strap my right arm to my side.  The lifting and extensions were just too painful for my fractured rib. The weekend my mother came to help I think I meaty overdosed on pain pills just to keep up with the pace. I was so tired that as soon as she left, well, she wasn’t even out of the driveway and I had run into the electrical post with my head. It’s hard to Wanna when the strength is just not there. 

My Aunt says “my wanna up and left me.”  Where did Wanna go anyhow!? Who is responsible for stealing the will? Why can’t I be gung-hoe galloping all the time? The desire to do sometimes just isn’t there. 

Finding the drive to my giddyup isn’t as easy as a bucket with corn for the horse. Cocoa is our sixteen year old pony that is quite good for nothing. One day when the feed guy came with his truck for a load of corn, the simple one stranded wire gate was left down. Before I even realized he was here, I saw quite the moving picture out my picture window. First the horse with mane flying, then a red dog, then a yellow dog, followed by a man. Bother I thought. The horse is out. 

“No use chasing him!”  I hollered as I walked calmly out the door and down to the barn. I knew Cocoa would never come to a stranger anyway. He didn’t really care for men. My husband had been a little rough on him when he was a little horse. Even tackled him one time. 

I marched to the barn and gathered my catching Cocoa supplies. First a bucket with some corn. I called Cocoa’s name, shook the corn in the pail, and sat the treat down a ways away from the hitching post. Then I went back into the barn to find the halter and lead rope. 

Coming back out with the rope I saw one again the red mutt chase my poor pony right past my pony dessert. And in the background the man responsible for my loose goose standing quite winded. “He doesn’t like dogs or men,” I said,”so call your puppy to you.”  Then I hollered at Seymour “Stop it Seymour!”. The yellow lab was enjoying the chase, but I was pretty sure he was after the girl in red not the horse. 

“Cocoa!”  I called again as I shook the pail. The horse came right to me. I tossed the rope around his neck. And managed to adjust the halter in between his bites of corn. As I led him to the hitching post I shared the tackling pony story with the corn hauling truck driver. 

There were a few laughs and we both went on with our day. 

The horses Wanna was easy. A pail of corn. But my Wanna isn’t as easy as dangling a carrot in front of my nose. How do I find the desire to keep on when keeping on involves things that I really don’t enjoy?

“I won’t work until my coffee dies!”

Pushing through the days with caffeine, alcohol, drugs, or Mountain Dew isn’t always the answer either. Yet people will spend eight dollars for a coffee full of sugar and flavor imposters to get through a morning, afternoon, or evening. Sometimes caffeine does the trick. Unless of course a shot of espresso makes you shake so badly your fingers won’t stand still long enough to grip anything. Maybe you should lay off the coffeee-I tell myself. 

But without coffee? What is there to live for? 

Alright so perhaps Wanna Be is the real problem. Want to be somewhere else? Want to be someone else? Want to be better, different, happy, or anything but the present momentary crisis. Last time I checked this problem lines right up with the last of the Ten Commandments. 

Thou shalt not covet. 

It should maybe be written: thou shalt not Wanna Be.  Why would I want a new?  Well, I think you may have heard me incorrectly. Wanting what others have rather than what we have now is the slave driver of all covetousness in this world today. 

When I forget what I have and start looking at what others have… uff.  And when I am not grateful for what I have…  pretty soon that Wanna to take care of my own now just up and leaves. 

So Wanna Bee, you listen here!  Today I wanna be ME!