Yesterday the 14th of July about noon I went out to do some errands and in my wandering discovered a little flower of the hour in the rocks next to my flower boxes. I thought it was  an unusual flower so I captured a picture of it on my phone. My thoughts had been of my niece Amanda much that day as the day marked her going to Heaven fifteen years earlier. At supper we ran into her dad’s uncle and aunt at Burger King. I don’t believe in coincidence. I had also been thinking of a young woman who had just lost her full-term baby, and of a relative’s sister who is battling  cancer for a second time. These thoughts had filled my mind with sadness, frustration and much prayer. 

Later that evening we went to visit my husband’s brother and wife. I experienced my dark moment when my brother-in-law invited me  to come in at the garage door; I stood frozen. As I was unable to see anything or where to go, I didn’t feel comfortable running into him or into anything else for that matter. Later in bed that night I expressed my feelings to my husband and told him “I just don’t want to do this.”

Today there is no sign of the little flower. The hibiscus weed is often seen in the ditches around this area. So my thoughts turn to a familiar  passage in Scripture. Isaiah 40 verse six through eight

The  voice said ,”cry out!” and he said “what shall I cry?” “All flesh is grass and all its loveliness is like the flowers of the field. The grass withers, the flower fades because the breath of the Lord blows up on it. Surely the people are grass. The grass withers the flower fades but the word of our God stands forever.”

Gavin and I went out that that evening at about 6 PM for I wanted to show him the flower but there was no sign of it. My flower of the hour had disappeared. I had taken a picture of it. I had crocheted a granny square of it. I had asked a neighbor weed expert about it.  The Venice mallow had disappeared.

The next reference that I followed in my reading led me to John chapter 12 verse 34. But the passage doesn’t make a whole lot of sense until you read the whole thing. I will insert verses 34 through 36 here. 

The people answered him, “we have heard from the law that the Christ remains forever and how can you say the Son of Man must be lifted up. Who is this Son of Man?” Then Jesus said to them a little while longer the light is with you walk while you have the light lest darkness overtake you. He who walks in darkness does not know where he is going. While you have the light believe in the light that you may become sons of light.” These things Jesus spoke and departed and was hidden from them.”

I know there are many people who don’t understand my blindness. My husband even often forgets. Because I can read and see what is in front of me (sometimes) people don’t think of my blindness much. My eyes focus on what they want but there is no peripheral  vision at all. I can often run into what is directly in front of me. 

 Last Sunday at church some poor generous little child offered me his second give-this-sucker-away candy after the children’s moment. I didn’t even see this gift until later. The child had offered it to me and waved it in front of me but finally laid the candy gift down in my glasses case. My husband recounted the scene to me as he sat in the upstairs sound booth and had a birds eye view of the whole play. The couple behind me had seen the whole thing and the wife  whispered to the husband she didn’t see any of that and the husband  whispered back nope doesn’t have a clue. 

This moment would be rather embarrassingly funny only for the fact that it involves me. It is no joke for me. It brings tears of sadness and tears of frustration and anger. 

And it leads me to a midnight cry that says ” I don’t want to do this.” 

I am glad we had our niece for 17 years. I am glad the lady fighting cancer got to see her son get married.  I hope the young woman who lost her full term baby got to hold him for an hour. I’m glad God gave me my little flower-of-an-hour while I could still see it.