Tag: seasonal changes

Senior Moments: Kona’s Journal

Published on by yvonneannetteLeave a comment

From last September until now seems like a decade. But really it has only been twelve months and a few weeks since this little black lap top came into my life. One year ago I was almost embarrassed to tell anyone that I got another dog. Why? Well, because I already had two at the time and another seemed excessive.

Yet, get Kona we did. We exchanged cash for him in the Burger King parking lot, only to find out that we both had driven farther than necessary. Kona was raised by a breeder just three and a half miles from our home. Ohm, well. We were pleased. And for the first time, I did not complain about the pain of riding in the vehicle as the seats simply do not fit my small frame.

And how did we get here? To this day of small black puppy sitting quietly on the lap while I type away… Okay, he actually has to sit next to me while I type. But as long as he has a bath every two weeks or so, he is content to sit next to me. Apparently it feels really good to be clean. No videos in the archives. He is simply too fast for me to catch after his zoomees from being clean.

September 29th just a few days after we brought him home, I began the lap training. It was time to stop bringing the cat in the house for a warm little body on the legs. And that bean bag that you put in the microwave always gets cold after a little while. Yes, Kona is much more effective as a lap warmer.

The other moments are rather hard for me to catch on film. I am just not good at photography anymore. Trying to catch the “moment” usually means I’ve missed the moment that meant to be captured! So most of the time I simply don’t try.

Winter moments of frigid outdoors did not seem so awful, when I knew that there was a warm up soon. Really, my blood pressure had been so low before the puppy, that I would often shiver uncontrollably after meals. I knew that I really needed to get moving more often. The other dog (doodle nightmare) only needed out three times a day and she often did not need supervision. So getting moving with a puppy seemed better for my physical needs.

That was winter, then came the spring. Honey got really sticky and naughty and decided she simply could not abide by our commands anymore. After nearly two months of “fighting” with her, I decided I simply was not willing to be someone that I was not. She must have been better at some point? No, all of my challenges and struggles day to day were definitely her pushing me over the edge of anger. I was done.

Spring rolled into summer and life became a little less stressful with only two “good boy” dogs around. We were so amazed at the peace that could be had in our lives.

While this little guy did present a few challenging moments, we learned that there is never enough socialization to be had. He presented us with some anxious crate dog prizes and also decided to be difficult in the potty training area. Why would he simply not just tell us? Uff day! Puppies can be so stubborn sometimes.

Summer rolled right into fall, and this year without the canning frenzy, I tried to pay more attention to the black mop. We made a couple of adjustments to his feeding. We were able to move from puppy food to adult food with a little moisture added to each feeding. Constipation is an issue for a puppy that does not exercise enough to actually drink a lot. Keeping the food a little wet has helped much.

We did not celebrate his gotcha day. Charlie’s “Gotcha Day” came and went with the farewell to Honey. So I guess we had two bummer family dog days. Kona’s Gotcha Day was when dad was in the hospital and we simply did not feel like specialty moments. Life was hanging in the balance and though the dog was enjoyable, people are so much more important.

While I have more than a dozen lap photos of Kona, these four seemed to spell it out the best. Life is full of seasons. Spring, summer, fall and winter we find memories that carry us into the next one. Sometimes the seasons are short like the puppy-hood. Other times fall seems way too short and winter much too long. Spiritually speaking seasons can go on much longer than we anticipate. Finding the moments worth savoring is what matters.

I am so thankful that my desire for a little lap munchkin was also part of getting me out of the chair more often. I need to get up and walk more. Even when I take Kona with me to my daughter’s house, or over to other places, it’s his need to go out that keeps me moving. I am glad for the excuse to get walking a little more. And I am perfectly fine with the fact that a Shih Tzu dog is a senior dog. I am an Oma-grandma four times now, and I guess that makes me well suited to own a dog best fit for seniors!

Truth Time from Kona: Just the other day these two old geezers missed my cue to go potty. I mean really, the music on the TV show was much too loud. So instead of listening to my huffs and puffs, they totally ignored me. So I told them. I went back tot he bedroom, jumped up on the bed and let it loose. Really what was I supposed to do? My bladder was about to blow up like a water balloon on a brick wall. Well, they did not like that, I guess. I’m back on the tether again. I don’t mind. Maybe they will listen next time.

Well Wishes

Published on by yvonneannetteLeave a comment

The night that I began writing this we were sending well wishes heavenward for a dear family member. The hopes that our elderly loved ones would get better seem to be dashed to pieces every day. One by one something happens and watching the elderly suffer is difficult. We know that suffering truly is part of living, but oh that we do not choose misery while the trials continue. I heard Mother Theresa say “suffering is inevitable, but misery is a choice.” Suffering is to be like Christ.

The mornings bring cooler temperatures these days. Searching for a sweater I fumble to get my shoes on and dor our morning walk. Our pets are down in numbers. Scooping food for two cats required a smaller container and reading the daily feeding requirement for our two orange coats. Charlie now usually has to greet me before snarfing his one and half can’s of kibble. Brr, I begin to shiver before the return to the porch.

The other night at 3 am I went out to the kitchen for y midnight snack and found that the I-dot was playing music for itself. Well, no one was out there. So it had to be for the enjoyment of self, right? Then I woke four hours later to the sounds of intense pounding upon the house door, or the deck floor outside, something woke me up. Turns out it was the cat jumping off of the porch swing.

This week my allergies are at the end of their wits. I am only upright if I have the strongest antihistamine available to my system. How am I to make it until first frost? I have so much to do outside yet. Gathering the geraniums and Hibiscus trees along with all of the canna lilies. So here goes my friendship with Benadryl.

Meanwhile, all the children in our lives are gathering birthday wishes and school mates to learn new things and grow old before our very eyes. Sometimes I wish we could grasp these memories a little tighter. They seem so slippery. One memory is quickly replaced by another and soon a little body that could not talk or walk is talking, sitting up, and feeding themselves.

The wishing well still needs a pole, and a rope, and a bucket, but it looks great this way, too!

Wishing well poems and fairy tales are not just for children. I could not find a good example for this thought process. But while combing the scriptures for the hopefulness, I found 2 Peter 3:9 “The Lord is not slow to fulfill His promises as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.” It made me so very pleased to know that God has wishes also. And what wishes have I that could ever be better than this?

While coating the well with it’s cabot oil, the rest of the deck furniture is all topped with another coat of water repellant also. I nearly used up the whole can. I decided it was time to spend my reading time with some better quality material. From “The Hobit” to “Redwal” to G.A. Henty time seemed to be passing with a bit of the RIP Van Wrinkle-ness of sleeping through the days while living in the other world of books. Mentally sometimes it’s okay to run away, but I needed a litle mental boost. So today I looked up some Mother Theresa books and chose “In Her Own Words” as my first listening option.

I think it’s because I have a devotional to attempt for a baby shower and one of the families “saintly” persons is now finely going to have a baby after eight years into marriage. Many thoughts have been on my mind about her famous spiritual leadership and. Missing the way that my mother used to be for me (stroke affected her mind and behavior) has made me often think of Mother Theresa. I think I wrote a paper on her when I was in high school I remember my classmates teasing me a lot about being a goody two shoes Theresa. Oh, well. I believe she deserves to be called a saint.

This is the mosaic crochet blanket poncho that I made out of some wool that my mother purchased a few years ago. It was originally a shawl and blanket. I took all the yarn out as I made the new item. It is much prettier now.

I am so happy my reading time is occupied fingers time. I really can’t imagine living without crochet in my life. This is probably one of the prettiest items that I have made it quite awhile. And the mosaic is a pattern that I could repeat over and over. I just never get tired of all the color combinations one can do with a particular pattern.

And now we “fall on our knees” as the whole of the family struggles with more sad news. Today, I sit in silence much. The sky began to thunder and even the clouds had a little cry…. but it seems to be a dry rain. We are getting numbed by the call for another prayer request. Why do we go into shock during stress filled moments?

Once again I turn to my new book to find some comfort in the words of a saint. The Bible reminds me to turn to the Psalms, to sing hymns of praise even during the midst of the battle. And we are in a battle for the souls of our friends and relatives. We are in a battle to choose to be like Christ rather than murmur of our misery. We are in a battle to love because God first so loved us.

Insight through Eyesight loss

Published on by yvonneannetteLeave a comment

Insight rather than outsight is my lot in life. I am one of the lucky ones who has learned to walk into a room blinded by the backdrop of a bright window and wonder what in the world I might run into first. While others love social engagements and “parties” of all sorts, I’d rather be a wall flower. And most times that is how I feel. So I do not heed the “come in, come in” when my body is riddled with the bullets of anxiety and I want to back up. Making sure that I do not run into anything or upset the apple cart is my first priority. It’s hard not to say, “Don’t push me over a cliff, go first and I’ll follow.”

The other morning I let my anger get the best of me. One of the most difficult things about tunnel vision is missing out of seeing something. Often it is the obvious street pole on the edge of the sidewalk. But sometimes it is less obvious, like the water glass on the edge or even middle of the counter. With the narrowing of the viewing hole, many things just go into oblivion. Thus, when the dog decided to haul if with my latest new crochet work, the string follows it. I found the work, but the hook was “no where” for me to be seen. My anger was just boiling.

I had played with Kona. I had cleaned house and found toys and threw balls for him to fetch. I had taken care of all of his needs. It was time to move some laundry. My return to the living room found the work across the living room floor. But no hook could be found. I have even changed the hooks that I am using to the original boye metal hooks that my Grandma gave me. No foam or plastic nylabone for the dog chew option.

How can the past stick like glue so well? Everyone else is loving the fall decor. Bringing out all of the leafage and pumpkins. There was a little saying when I was a kid. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” that is so not true. Words ring in your ears for decades. When I was fourteen and diagnosed with RP, the doctor wanted to protect my eyes, by putting me in orange colored lenses. He felt that keeping the UV rays out of my eyes was so important. I had never worn sunglasses. People just did not do that back then. Halloween eyes, pumpkin face and other such bully talk became the normal poke fun and Yvonne. I do not remember anyone ever asking me about why I was wearing the orange lens now.

Sticks and stones, right.

Both of these projects survived Kona stealing the hook and dragging the partial out into the living room floor. On the left the ombre and yellow shawl. On the right the brown wool remake from a project my mother returned to me when she moved out of her house.

I learned that hurling words was just as harsh as hurling stones. The rock that found my eyebrow when I was a toddler left a visible scare. The words that my school mates used stuck like sticks in the eye that would never be removed. Words do hurt.

There are people who push you over the edge into the black abiss. I remember in my early years of marriage how my husbands family liked to go up to a local steak house to eat. The building had two doors to enter through before getting into the dining hall. It never failed that others would try to hold the door and try to push me into the dark room. I can still “feel” the panic rise up in me when I think of this. I learned that some people do not know how to lead. It is just not in them. While serving can be a natural tendency for them, leading does not come naturally. Some are often better at pushing than leading. I leaned that you can never “push” a blind person.

So there are genetic tendencies in all families. Genetic blessings and curses. There is the genes for diabetes, the genes for cancer, the genes for arthritis, the genes for blindness. And we could go further into the genes for higher cholesterol and strokes or dementia. When we looka t our relatives we can pretty much see ourselves in the mirror on the wall. The future is right in front of us, so to speak.

This past week at my little kiddos table, their sweet moma began the Bible lesson for the morning with a big word. “Immutability” she explained is the character of God and His never changing personhood.. God does not change. He is always the same. The little two year old dropped her head in her hands and said “I don’t like that big word. It’s scary!” Of course my thoughts went to the smiling Heavenly Father trying to help this little mind grasp such a large concept. I considered my ability to maintain emotional calm in my own life as the table moment suddenly turned chaotic.

God never changes. He is always love. I heard a sermon the other day about the fact that God is not anger. He may respond in anger, but it is always His Holy response to sin. God is not the emotional uncontrolled feeling. He is just, loving, merciful and compassionate. His is not wrath. We look at love as an emotional reaction to a moment or a way of being treated. Love is a choice, and action, a decision one must make when an otherwise inappropriate response could be made. God is love even when he responds to evil and sin, and that is what paves the way for forgiveness.

Charlie is finally “coming” to me after a year or so of independent guard dog work. He highness loves cookies. Kona is still a W.i.p. = work in progress.

After five days of stay-cation I’m finally wrapping up this thought process. There is probably a lot more that could be said. But for now it fascinates me how people slowly rot. There is a lot of Bible verses about that. Understanding our worlds’s laws of composting material is happening right within out very being is not pleasant. I don’t want to think about the day when I can no longer see anything at all. But having the insight to realize we look at our own future when we look at our aging parents is important for how we choose to take care of ourselves at those we love.

When life is constantly changing and shifting beneath my feet I am glad to know that God never changes. James 1:17 is the the Bible verse for this weeks’s focus writing. “Every good and perfect gift is from above, down from the Father of lights, with whom these is no change like shifting shadows.” I’m not sure which version my daughter is using to teach her children that verse, but I do like the shifting shadows part. The sun that casts a shadow and makes us feel long or short by the gravity of the day, the sun does not seem to change. The shadow does though. And God does not change. He still loves us the same whether gravity has little affect on our body or much like in old age.

Not sure

Published on by yvonneannetteLeave a comment

Hymn “Til the Storm Passes By…. Is the best humn for this season of our lives. Keep me safe in the Hallow of Thy Hand, O Lord. Just as we get one parent settled into senior living apartment, another parent calls in distress from the floor in the garage. How, Lord, are we to navigate this season of fall?

The song makes it seem so harmonious and peaceful, but the crashing thunder and the cloud of nerves and rain showers of tears are not pleasant at all. It’s hard to imagine that this hurricane force rain can produce any crop at all. Except perhaps maybe a catastrophic flood..

There is one word that I remember from childhood that through my little mind through an unknown loop. “Sure…”. Yep, I remember as a little girl loving tootsie roll candy so much. Whenever I was offered the candy it was so pleasant. Once when asked whether I wanted the candy, the comment was made, “Are you sure?” My poor little brain had never been asked such a thing before. Usually, my ‘yes’ was sufficient enough. Being asked this puzzling question was night to cruel. I just shrugged my shoulders in response. I did not know what SURE meant. My name was Yvonne. I was a little girl. I was with my daddy. I did not know SURE. This stumped me. From that day on the meaning of words became important to me. Of course, now I know. Yes, I am sure. I still want a tootsie roll candy please!

Last week while with my grand children, they were arguing over some trifle. I was near enough to hear a portion of the disagreement but not near enough to hear the beginning of the squabble. The six year old with a better grasp of language was asking the four year old about telling the truth. “Is that a lie?” No was the response. “Are you telling the truth?” A non committal shoulder shrug response. “Then you are telling a lie.” I am NOT!! Well, if you aren’t telling the truth then you are a liar.” I AM NOT! (You can see how it goes, a negative answer negates the correct response.). Well, sir, that’s the truth of the matter as I heard it. Poor four year old. The meaning of words is tough to learn.

When little kids argue, sometimes it is best to just let it all play out and see where there little minds are at. Of course that does not mean Oma will let them duke it out all of the time. But sometimes it’s good to see if the compromise will happen on its own. Often I hear a parent intervene while I am present. I wonder if they think I am just not being the adult here. Well, sometimes I am trying not to laugh at the expense of the possibly hurt child. Parents get involved quicker because of irritation and keeping peace in the presence of outsiders.

My children would go play with the Pastor’s children when they at about the six and four year old stage. One day while saying at the parsonage for an afternoon, the younger child and her age relative playmate got into an argument. The Pastor’s wife related the incident later to me. “Those aren’t letters, that’s just scribbles.” My daughter said to the playmate. His schooling as a boy was a little behind hers. And unfortunate for him, she was already reading and shaping her letters. “Are you calling me stupid?” Asked the youngster of her. His mother had to excuse herself to the bathroom to laugh abnout it.

Learning how to use the Entrelac Crochet Stitch is part of my “reading” time. I made a mobias shawl out of some repurposed yarn.

Finding balance during this working phase of “parent sitting” and grand kid sitting is hard. How do you spend time with all the right people? Who needs my attention the most at this point in life? And then there is the question of the needs of my own “sleeping” place. Right when you think the balance is being acheived, there is not an inch of TP in the house. Where did all the rolls go?

This past week we finally got the floating shelves up above the piano. After Painting a few years ago, we took the pictures all down and just never got anything put back up. Of course when I look up at the display, the first thing I notice, is that each shelf needs a plant. Only me would think a corner is incomplete without green! So I have another plant to find! I have an ivy or two outside right now that might work. As fall turns cool, they will be collected. Treated for bugs, the little plants will be just perfect for the top shelf.

One of the arrangements on the shelves over the piano. I will probably rearrange many times before I really like it and leave it alone between cleanings.

This week is significant in several ways. Just before school the rummage sale world has it’s last hurrah. Little girls are planing their last lemonade stands. Mothers are collecting bargains to outfit their kiddos. And fathers are busy gaining knowledge to propell their careers. And some children are planning how to keep parents in their home as long as possible. So many changes. Ramps, sinks, toilets, flooring, grab bars, and a flock of caregivers are being collected. I’m not sure fall will ever be the same again.

Right at the moment the clouds are threatening to loose their raindrops. I feel about the same. The damn holding back the tears is about to burst and a flood of new emotions will soon take over the once fertile plain. Here comes the darkness, the storm, the thunder… Lord HOLD ME FAST! I’m not sure I can stand up under the deluge.

Flat On My Face

Published on by yvonneannetteLeave a comment

Flat on my face is how I feel most days. The goals I set for myself rarely get accomplished. This week, I really wanted to get the plants that I picked up last Friday into new homes. That’s all. There were about 2 dozen that needed to be planted.

So on Monday I got right to my chores. I watered the existing plants places, found new homes for about nine or so and tried so hard to get after some weeds while I was at it. By four pm the bugs had won. The gnats, mosquitoes, flies and beetles were so bad that I was in an epsom salt and baking soda bath trying to recover. By midnight, I knew I was sick. The antihistamine overload gave me a regular stomach ache and I felt like I had the flu. West Nile? No, but I had to stay home from visiting the little people. I slept until nearly noon.

That evening after numerous attempts to do anything, I looked in the mirror and said, “wow-you look sunburned!” Nope, just totally ate up by bugs. The hives were up and down both arms, across my shoulders, and all over my neck. I was surviving on Benadryl once again. Something had to be done about the bugs.

So my wonderful hubby got after them. Two evenings of tanks full of garlic oil and bug-be-gone later, we can now be outside for more than fifteen minutes without getting carried away to the next township. We also put out a few fly traps. And ordered one of those bug zapper machines. Being sick was not much fun. Even two days later, I would work for fifteen minutes and pour sweat out of every gland. Then have to go lay down for an hour.

Falling from grace as a gardener means that I can’t handle the bugs or the weeds. How is one to even keep the garden looking good? By Thursday though the bugs had taken quite a dive in population. So I spend the day planting and weeding the hydrant flower garden. The Hydrant Bed had not been touched in over a month.

Little by little I began designing the “Be Glad” garden that will surround our new little statue that we named PollyAnna. That is still my most favorite of all childhood books. So it seemed most appropriate to name her that. Of course, she needs a little clean up after falling on her face.

My hubby decided to put out a sprinkler to keep the cat out of the area. And sure enough the top heavy stature fell over. I have some work to do next week to paint and seal her before she sits out in the weather for the next few years. So I am watching a lot of youtube videos again on statue care.

We named our girl on the bench “PollyAnna.” The picture I took after the plants were in the ground and the sprinkler made her topple from her place of grace.

The other set of plants that will mirror this garden will be planted behind the bridge. I hope to get them placed today. And I did! Still have to move some of the lilies from the vegetable garden.. The whole vegetable garden will get an update this fall also. A couple more boxes to grow veggies and more rock and edging to finish it and make it less weed prone.

On the left, the plants behind the bridge waiting for their lily sisters to join them. The middle picture is the front step with the blackened edges or borders painted on. And on the right, the lily in the Hydrant Garden thanking me for removing the bind weed and giving them some fertilizer and water.

So my daughter tells me that my little grand daughter had quite the spill the other evening. While sitting in the potty before bed time child number three fell flat in her face on the floor. Mama was in the room and did not catch her. But mother giggles are some times hard to hold back. . Because mommy thought it was funny the little girl did not cry. She is just such a little clumsy but oh so curious and courageous. We all love her sweet nature and love of all things little like animals and such. One day she was pretending that her little hands were holding a baby hedgehog at the noon meal. It was a grape. “Sheh, “ she said, “You’re scaring my hedgehog!”

I hope that’s the end of the “face plants” for the week. I really don’t want to experience it myself. So I am glad to have the black line painted on my steps edges to define them better. My sister was the first to put blackened edges on the top and bottom step. Of course it does not help at night, but during the bright daytime house it is amazingly helpful.

The best Bible story I can think of is when the Philistines took the Ark of the Covenant and placed it in the temple of thegod Dagon. The man made idol fell on it’s face day after day until the head actually fell off. I Samuel chapter five tells the story if you’d like to read it. The point of the whole story is that God is real and man’s imagination is God given and no image can bear the presence of the awesome Creator of the world. I thank God that my little PollyAnna is just a cement replica and only a type of an Ebenezer stone to remind me of the “Be Glad” game. Being Glad that God has given us so many things to remind us of the One who is the Beginning and The End. Alpha and Omega.

Green Finger Nail Polish

Published on by yvonneannetteLeave a comment

One day while sitting in my daughter’s house, the familiar acid smell of finger nail polish bathed the room. She was helping her six year old paint her nails. The importance of a piece of paper under the targeted objects was disgusted. The conclusion that boys don’t paint their nails was also made. And the consideration that patience is a learned virtue also focused her little mind on waiting for the polish to dry. Suddenly back to seven year old mind came the reality of green finger nail polish. What ever did my sisters prophecy such a thing over me for? Why did I want green thumbs back then?

Now, I think it quite hilarious that every one is always saying “She has such a green thumb!” Really? Somethings that I grow do die without my knowing why. I just have learned what I can grow and what doesn’t like my constant attention.

My experiment above turned out okay. I put gladiolus corms in the center of each of the creamers this spring and then added the few petunia plants that grew. That was the end of my 2021 seed collection from my own plants. The glads are stronger in full sunlight than they were inside the greenhouse. And they aren’t as tall either.

This summer seems like the year to say goodbye to yet another one of the things that I love to do. In 2007 I quit playing for choir at church and had to give up children’s week night Bible club. I had a counselor tell me once that I should not use the word quit as if it were some addiction that I was leaving behind. How else do you say that the abilities you once had are being taken from you? The garden is becoming less and less enjoyable.I may have to quit.

Books this month… “Pilgrim’s Progress” by John Bunyan, “Don’t Waste Your Life” by John Piper and a dive into Genesis once again at night. Searching “NDE” to see if anyone even gets it right has also been a pass time of mine. John Piper is reminding me about the creativity of the Creator. Once again I look for life’s meaning as I sit most days just crocheting. So much of what I look for seems to elude me and trip me up these days. Today alone the wagon for my water jugs found my shin bone three times. Prayer Battles and other time consumption seem pointless most days.

A Flood of Emotions left an impact on my thought process for the month and I am looking forward to another month of bug bites, hot weather and some family gatherings to come. The neighboring state is pulling out all of the basement carpets and I decided trying to replace mine is not good timing.

How do I display the Glory of God in my current eyesight failings? When do I show the cross of Christ in who I am? I have never really considered my eyesight loss as my “cross to bear.” Being glad in God feels difficult as God gives me more things to run into and takes away more of my field of vision so that I run into half open doors. How do I learn to say God gives and God takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord.

A River of Tears was not stopped up in some jar or bottle. There were so many boxes of glass objects I gave up going through them all for a third time. I do enjoy the vases and pitchers so I put some of those out to display. We all have our own “Ebenezer Stones” to remember things by, so it’s rather difficult to take up another persons collection as our own.

Thunderous Frustrations are no longer part of my every day living as Honey gone now for three weeks no longer drives my day crazy. Her high energy was just never my pace. I hated feeling like my cup of tea was constantly spilling over. Kona is so peaceful. Charlie hardly ever barks that much anymore because no one is answering him!

Empty Love Tanks are hard to fill and finding the right way to pour goodness into others sometimes fails me. How do I forgive before the offense has even been committed? My next book is “Forgiving what you can’t Forget” understanding how to live life under the “Lord’s Prayer” as a mandate.

Showers of Blessings keep coming our way and it’s up to me to ask God to open my eeys that I might see them. It is raining again today but not 12 inches or anything. We only received about five in the recent flooding weather last week. I am thankful to be no where close to a flood zone!

I am also going thru this really old hymn devotional found I my mom’s piano book stash.

Shadows Dispel

Published on by yvonneannetteLeave a comment

“…shadows dispeling with joy I am telling, He made all the darkness depart…Heaven Came Down and Glory Filled My Soul!”

Darkness Closes In-and I wonder just how much longer. How long, O Lord? I miss so many cute little things that the kids do. Unless I sit still and literally stare at them, I don’t see there little faces that they make. I wonder so and struggle to recognize faces because I see the backs of their little heads and miss all of their other happenings.

I even miss looking at my husband’s face. I’m about to set up the table so that we have to face each other.

Becoming…. This word keeps echoing in my head and heart. As human beings we spend so much of our time “doing.” Just being is left totally he end of our days. We rarely think of what we are becoming. The other thought I have is how “becoming” was a word once used to express the beauty of the Lord’s touch upon a person. Some people are so enamored with “handsome” features that they will not look upon a lowly person or one of less stature in the becoming realm.

Once upon a time I met someone whome others thought of as less becoming than others. I remember getting to know this person and thinking how much she displayed the “character of Christ” in her life. She seemed to me the most beautiful soul that ever I had met. Yet many people would not even visit with her for her looks were not pleasant. One time I read a writer use the words “ the smile of the homely can radiate the Lord’s beauty more than the most handsome in their sour disposition.” Indeed.

Real and Truly Me… When do I feel the most authentic me that God has made me to be. Three examples are all that I have to share.

The first is when I am playing piano and it truly becomes “play.” Like when my sister tried to play some song that she worked much of her high school piano lessons to learn. Then I sat down and began playing it in it’s entirety. For the life of me I can’t recall the huymn at this moment. But the sense of who I am and who God is making me to be while I played that song completely out of no memory work or previous practice. That was ME. (I never meant it to be boastful by any means… just the nature of God enabling me to play piano.) Some will say I am gifted. Maybe.

The second example I can give is when my grand kids are searching for a moment of entertainment and I get to impart “Imagination” to them. Like the day my oldest grand daughter was so hungry she began whining for snack nearly a half hour before her mommy was ready to find one. So

Who I am… when it’s dark and I’m struggling to find the children in the room and Yolanda’s house. The sense of fear that crouches nearby to disuade me from enjoying what I hear while I struggle to see the silouette fo some child.I began imagining with her. I am so so hungry that “I am an Eagle flying over a river with no fish.” I am so hungry I am a bear with no berries on the bushes. I am so hungry I am mouse in the cupboard with no crumbs. Finally she said “I am so hungry I am a cheetah with no chips to eat.” I clapped for her. Good job! That’s much better than whining for fifteen minutes. And now mommy is ready

The third example I can give is when I am in the greenhouse planting up plants. The enjoyment that I experience is never ending. And I forget about time and all else. I could stay in the greenhouse for hours. When I don’t get my “time” in there, I soon get cranky and wonder what I am experiencing. So It’s time to get back to the escape room. Taking the dog is not an escape. I wish he would just lay down and behave himself instead of trying to get my attention by being naughty. There are days I want to just go there and forget the rest of the world even is happening.

The disgust at myself when I see one more container in the flower bed that needs to be picked up and returned to the greenhouse. Full irritation when I hit my ring finger and break a blood vessel right in the joint. Ouch. And the fear I have when I begin walking while on the phone… should I even be moving right now! And there are times when I have crashed over something while on the phone. Concentration is what it takes to move anywhere. Is this still real and truly me when I am in my full struggle mode?

When are you most your self? It might feel really hard to recognize ME unless we take a full video of some situation. It is amazing how life’s happenings color our world and our perception of self. Ask “Do others see me in the same way that I see me?” Probably not. Introspection is not the same as analytical evaluation is it?

I John 1:5 “This is the message we have heard from Him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in Him there is no darkness at all.”

Day after day

Published on by yvonneannetteLeave a comment

Okay, so the past month or so has kept me too busy to write anything worth publishing. There are a few major happenings and I’ll try to get you all caught up.

The biggest time buster was the greenhouse. The hundreds of geraniums that have still not found a home are taking up quite a bit of my time. Just now there are a bunch of starts just showing new colors that that I did not know took root. The other day I found a pretty lilac purple bloom and a two tone pale pink with white and a red dot! I will try to keep all of the unusual ones for more variety next year.

The other big happening is my doodle troubles. She decided to run off and wallow in bad smell. We were fighting the Halo-fence collar and app for a number of days. She is going to wear it more in the day with me going outside to garden etc cetera. She also got her hair all chopped off, somewhat too short. Honey probably won’t do the heat very well today without much fur to insulate, so afternoon will be inside. She also got an ouchie on one leg from Kona jumping up at her face for the tennis ball. So we had to put the cone of shame on her at night.

In other news, Kona decided he was done with the crate during the day and made some real messes. Not good timing or good experience at all. I spent one whole day puppy proofing the house so that he can be inside during my outdoor work, Hubby also bought me a “horse” trailer to put him in outside while I work. It took a few days but he did get used to the pattern of following me around for fifteen minutes and them into the crate for an hour.

We are moving my mom out of her house this next week. My emotions are all over the board for the whole process. My sister just got a roll off dumpster to get rid of the garbage we find. Like an entire box of empty camera film rolls. Really? We moved that box twenty times? It could have been tossed years ago.

My nightmares came back and chased sleep away for nearly a week. Last night was the first full night of sleep that I received in the last month. So I guess I better get busy doing all the things that I could not do yesterday. Sleep is important, but must be over rated when one goes that long without a peaceful night. The nightmares are always similar- something about being lost amongst a whole pile of logs that I can never figure out how to get out of.

Day after day it seems I make an attempt at a journal entry and only get interrupted. So It is now the following morning. Here I go again. Making my outside list and my packing list, and my just be moment is keeping me from doing any of the lists. Most mornings it has been too cold to garden. So I sit on the sofa with one puppy at my feet and the other next to me.

I started watching NDE testimonials on video the past few weeks. Trying to help myself find some hope during this momentary depression. The allergies and asthma have been so bad that days the weight of living seems overwhelming. It is just so much work to fight to live on the really bad asthma days. Heaven seems like a bit of a cop out actually. So I am struggling with putting one step in front of the other. I am struggling with the day after day constant battle to keep moving forward.

Pilgrim’s Progress has been on my mind alot lately. I recently thought about Jesus saying how “foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place for his head.” I know that my mother is now in the “pilgrim’s inn” of living. While she has a place to lay her head the journey on this sod is nearing the end. Meanwhile my dad is also feeling the gravity of earth tugging on his earthly tent. The thoughts of my parents nearing the eternal passing is so heavy some days that I just cry with the weight of it all.

And day after day, life marches on. Little ones learn to ride bicycles, learn to laugh, and learn to express their thoughts in words. It is the joy of a four month old grasping at a toy and being able to make the fingers do what she wills… Today, might be a hard day for you. Maybe it was yesterday. Perhaps tomorrow the weight of living will suck you back under the covers, but today- look for that little tiny sliver of hope. Open your eyes to the cry of the whipper whirl in the trees. Feel the cold breeze brush across your face. It is all so temporary.

Isaiah 40:8, “The grass withers, the flower fades but the word of our God will stand forever.”

My Broken Glass

Published on by yvonneannetteLeave a comment

The other morning my return home greeting was dropping a small juice glass in my farm sink. Yep, it broke. Broken glass is not so bad to clean up when it is contained. I was careful in my search for all of the pieces and put them into the bottom of the still intact vintage glass. No cut fingers for me.

And today I feel much like that glass. Broken and useless. The message I heard on the radio was about spiritual warfare. How appropriate I think for how I feel. We have finally had some seasonal rain and now all the trees are budding and the grass and weeds are in full growth mode. My allergies took a nose dive into the tissue box and my head is in so much pain. Honey did not wake me up for my asthma need this morning, so I slept in until past nine.

“—A threefold cord is not quickly broken.” —Ecclesiastes 4:8b (ESV) The fourth chapter of Ecclesiastes has a lot of little nuggets in it. This is one of my favorite. In the passage, the wisdom is for people to work together in unity. Two people pulling in opposite directions are only striving after the wind. One person cannot stay warm on cold nights without an electric blanket. Two are better than one to defeat an assailant. So many little treasures of advice.

The last two Sundays I was blessed to go to church with my mother. The first week there was a missionary and the second week there were two baptisms. This same week a friend of ours shared a video of a testimony from another church in the same community. Seeing the Holy Spirit working in others lives is so uplifting. Staying the week with my mom and sister and her two little ones was more work than I thought it would be. By the end of the week though my old habit of not being able to fall asleep returned.

The first night there we let Kona sleep on the bed with us. Not very restful considering he has never done that before. In the early dawn hours, he woke up forgetting where he was. His frightful bark and the big fat tears in his eyes told me he had been very scared. I snuggled him into bed with me and he settled back down. The rest of the week he slept in his crate like ususal. Sleeping with dog on bed is not my preferred pet method. We both need the complete night of rest to be able to put up with each other all day.

Kona struggled with kid magnetics the first few days together with my little nieces. By the second day they had learned to co-exist and him not be so attracted to their every movement. By the fourth day a real rhythm had been set and he was learning to cue some things. His alerts at first were a little loud. He finally decided it was okay to inside bark that the baby was awake. He also cued some of the alarms around the house. The best was the “importance” of my mom’s pill minder. The last day he decided to walk outside with my mother. She just picked up the leash and took him with. Hmmm-I though she did not like dogs. And he also began noticing if the door did not shut all the way. That was helpful also. Pocket full of treats kept him very busy trying to earn a treat!

Meanwhile, my dad’s world had some bad news the past week. It was really hard to hear such sad happenings. But the day I called to take care of the flowers, he had had such a rough day. It was a blessing to keep in touch with him and hear him reciprocate my “I love you dad.” He has only told me he loves me a hand full of times. I think it meant much to him that I reached out even though I was at my mom’s for the week.

Returning home was “fruit basket upset” for me. I felt bad for not being happy to be home. The moving about and putting everything back in its place gets me pretty frustrated. My eyes just don’t always see what I think should be there. I took a detox bath, but it really did not help much. It wasn’t close enough to bed time to actually work.

The cutest event of the week was when the little girls were getting ready for bed one evening. My sister was making the bottle, and I was trying to “settle” them instead of wind them up. So I sang a silly song about the sun going to bed and so shall I. I taught them the actions of the sun coming up and traveling across the sky until it hit the floor again, then laid down to fall asleep. The third time the girls had the actions down and even Kona layed down on the floor to fall asleep for pretend. It was so cute watching them all interact so sweetly.

When it’s my time to go, I wonder how I will behave. Watching our elderly parents prepare for “the day” is hard. Some get listless and empty, letting go of the daily duties with quite a struggle. Getting them to understand that food is their first need and let someone else do the food preparations, can be such a battle. Others will not allow a hired help to come clean the house just for “privacy” sake or something.

I know it was hard for me to let go of the green house chores for the week and trust others to water, rotate, and watch care. Each sibling handles letting go of the parents differently also. Some just let go before it’s time to even relinquish their elder to this earthly suffering so that they do not have to watch the falling season. Some hang on so hard they won’t let anyone else take certain “cares” on because they have to have some control. In the end, the broken glass just goes when it’s God’s timing. We never really know when the glass will slip out of our hands and the pieces will be left to discard. We don’t even know what pieces we will be left with. God give me the grace to handle each broken glass with care.